Trolling this Crazy World with Silver Balls!
by Datu Kula the Shogun
Summary: The Yorozuya Gin-chan crew were struck by a meteorite, died, and were offered a new life on a parallel world. Obtaining a rare job, they decided to open their own branch in Axel, using Satou Kazuma's mansion as their office. Now with these three idiots here, what will Kazuma do to deal with them?
1. Prologue

**Hi! This is my first fa** **nfic and I'm writing a Gintama x Konosuba crossover!**

 **EDIT: I cha** **nged the prologue a bit, specifically part 2.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own neither Gintama nor Konosuba.**

* * *

 **Trolli** **ng this Wonderful World with Silver Balls!**

 **-Prologue-**

 **Part 1**

The land of the samurai.

There was a time, long ago, when our country was called by that name.

Those dream-filled blue skies upon which the samurai once gazed are now filled with ships from strange worlds.

The towns where the samurai once proudly walked are now filled with swaggering, arrogant aliens.

-But that land is not what I'm looking at right now.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE WE!? THIS ISN'T EDO, NO, THIS ISN'T JAPAN ANYMORE! WHAT'S THE POINT OF ME NARRATING ABOUT THE 'LAND OF SAMURAI' WHEN THIS ISN'T THE 'LAND OF SAMURAI' ANYMORE?!"

"It's your fault, Shinpachi. You were daydreaming that you forgot that this is our second life-aru."

"Eh, Kagura-chan, what do you mean by that?"

"Gin-chan, Shinpachi apparently lost his memories-aru."

"Now, now, Kagura. Shinpachi is just acting like that so we could have flashbacks so the readers would know what happened."

"Gin-san, we're in a different world, so please stop with these fourth wall breaks."

"See, he actually knows where we are."

"It's obvious we are in a different world, I just don't seem to remember what we are doing here?!"

"Gin-chan, there it is again. Shinpachi's lost his memories-aru."

"I DIDN'T LOSE MY MEMORIES! WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING IN THIS WORLD?"

"It can't be helped; we have to explain it from the start. The truth is we died, Pat-san. A meteorite fell unto Edo and killed all of us."

Ah, wait—

"Then the three of us woke up in a dark room and met a beautiful goddess who gave us a new life as adventurers in a new world. Are you sure you don't remember all of this? I remember seeing you drool while staring at that cute goddess who clearly pads her chest."

Wait a minute—

"HOLD ON! WHY WAS THE REASON FOR OUR DEATH A METEORITE THAT FELL FROM THE SKY?! AND ERIS-SAMA PADS HER CHEST?!"

"I see it now, Gin-chan. Shinpachi didn't lose his memories, he was in heat when he saw that goddess."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING IN HEAT?!"

"Anyway, we can't go back home until we defeat the Demon King. We should find a place to stay for now."

And so, we went to the town to search for a place to stay in this new world.

By the way, is this really going to work? Gintama is based on a manga, so will we really work in novel format?

Gin-san, you're in my monologue.

Our conversation earlier can be confusing for the readers-aru. Because we're not in the manga, they won't know who was talking at that time-aru. Good thing-aru they can tell it's me-aru because-aru of-aru my-aru –aru-aru.

OOOIII! WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING IN MY MONOLOGUE?! AND KAGURA-CHAN, YOU'RE SAYING TOO MANY –ARUS.

Kagura: It's not fair that you're the narrator. It would be better if the story is told this way-aru.

DON'T CHANGE THE NARRATION STYLE!

Gintoki: "Kagura has a point. This kind of style is better," I said while looking at that big-breasted woman.

Gin-san, you're putting two styles together. Also, you also said your last sentence out loud.

Kagura: If we can't do it this way, maybe this fan-fiction should be narrated by a third person-aru.

Kagura suggested as the narration of the story shifted from a first person perspective to a third person one.

"OOOIII! WHY WAS I REPLACED BY A NEW NARRATOR?! AND WHY DOES THE NARRATOR SOUND LIKE HASEGAWA-SAN?!"

Shinpachi retorted. Anyway, I was told that I may not appear in this fanfic so I took the narrator job for now.

"Why is the third person narrator speaking as if it was narrated in first person?! You're Hasegawa-san, right? You're really Hasegawa-san, right?!"

Shinpachi complained while staring at the sky. Also, it can't be helped, alright? I needed a job right now so this is the best that I can do.

Kagura: MADAO never had a job, so we'll take it from here.

Gintoki: "Kagura has a point. Hasegawa-san, you're fired!" I said in a firm voice as I stare at the sky.

H-Hold on Gin-san, China-girl! Please give me a chance! This is the only time I'll be of use! And aren't you the ones who suggested for a third person view narrator?!

 **ERIS.** Suddenly a voice from above interfered with them, "Um, this prologue is dragging the story, so can we just agree with one narration style?"

Oi! Why is the goddess joining in with her own narration style?! And why is there a second third person view, am I really that insignificant?!

Kagura: Ah, it's the flat goddess from earlier-aru!

Gintoki: "Oi, oi, Kagura. Don't talk like that. Look, the goddess may be smiling but tears are starting to drop from her eyes," I told Kagura. "Also, have you ever heard of the phrase 'flat is justice'?"

 **ERIS. "** N-no, I wasn't crying. These are just tears of joy *sniff*," the goddess defended herself while holding back her tears and trying to force a smile.

"OII! STOP INSULTING ERIS-SAMA!"

I shouted at those two who are insulting the cute goddess.

-Wait.

"Um, Gin-san. I can narrate again,"

"Hm? Wait, it's true. For some reason, I don't have the urge to interfere with your monologue,"

"Shinpachi, what did you do?!"

Kagura-chan asked me with glaring eyes. Please don't give me that look, Kagura-chan.

 **ERIS.** "The author was getting tired of us so he decided to pick Shinpachi-kun's style of narration. After all, this is a *intama x Konosuba story so the narration style should be in first-person view," Eris said with a cute smile.

"Um, Eris-sama, you're still using your own style and also, this is a crossover so there's no need to censor our name."

I retorted in a calm manner.

"Very well, then. Also, just a small advice, you should at least go to the guild to register yourselves as adventurers," the goddess said.

 _Oi! You guys are just gonna ignore me!?_

After that, the four of us went to the guild. Yes, four, Sadaharu is with us.

We approached the counter and registered ourselves as adventurers.

 _Oi! I know you can hear me! Don't ignore me!_

When we received our adventurer cards, the onee-san stared at us in a curious manner. Ignoring Hasegawa-san's voice, we left the guild and proceeded to the stables where we will be staying for tonight.

 _So can hear me after all! Oi, stop ignoring me!_

By the way, the adventurer jobs that we received correspond to what we had back in Edo.

According to the lady at the counter, we're supposed to choose our job based on our stats but she was surprised when she saw that the jobs were already filled up.

These jobs are very rare but she also said that our case wasn't the first one as the emergence of these rare jobs increased recently.

When we reached the stables, we immediately laid down to rest. It's already night, so I closed my eyes and called this a day.

I wonder what we'll do tomorrow?

 _Oii! What about me!? What happened to me!?_

* * *

 **Part 2**

" _I told you, didn't I?"_

 _With her arms tightly wrapped around me, she said with a soft clear voice._

" _-I love you."_

 _A day after her mentor was defeated by her own hands; this girl laid beside me on the bed and said those words._

 _How did it turn out like this?_

 _What's with this sudden development?_

 _Okay, Satou Kazuma, calm down! This is her usual self. She probably ate something wrong, that's all…_

 _-But I still can't calm down._

 _I don't know what to do. I'm being hugged by a young girl in a bed who just confessed to me._

 _I tried to calm down, but I feel my head getting hotter by the moment._

 _After a few minutes, I hugged her as well._

 _In this silent moment, we continued to hug one another and rub each other's hair._

 _I slid my head under the blanket, and was now face-to-face with this girl with bright crimson eyes._

 _What is this heavy feeling in my chest?_

 _My heart beats loudly that I could almost hear it._

 _Is this 'love'?_

 _When did I start to like her?_

 _It's not my sexual urges but something else._

 _She began to pull me in._

 _Our heads were almost aligned, and her body became closer. Her lips drew close to my chin._

 _The tension in my head was lifted a bit when a certain goddess who can't read the mood was heard outside looking for the girl beside me._

 _I want to hit her for interrupting such a moment, but since I felt more relaxed, I could say that it's a good thing._

 _I was about to get up from the bed when she stopped me by pulling my hand._

 _Does she want to us to ignore them, even though they waiting for her outside?_

 _We were already wrapped in each other's arms, and I ignored those who were outside._

 _Both of us had no courage to make the next move._

 _After a few seconds of silence, I decided to say something to her._

" _M-Megumin. Uhm, you said you love me right? Well… Uhm…"_

 _I mustered my courage and said it._

" _I think I love you too!"_

Back then, I only said those words so we could go further than that.

I kept asking myself, did I really mean those words at that time?

"Kuh…"

I crawled.

Even with my wounded body, I crawled.

I try to reach the object before me.

I ignored the pelting rain that felt like swords piercing my weak body.

I crawled.

My left hand touched the cloth I was trying to reach.

Pulling it closer to me, I tried to sit down and wrapped my arms around it as if trying to hug its owner that is not there.

I tried to hold back the tears falling from my eyes but to no avail.

Blood is pouring out of my right hand that is holding the blade of the broken sword she personally named.

It hurts, but I don't care.

-Why?

Why must she be taken away from us? From me? This is just like that time back in middle school.

"Me… gu… min…"

My weak voice tries to call out her name.

Gritting my teeth, I closed my eyes.

Her cape and my sword she named, I held these two things that reminds me of the girl I couldn't save.

 **-Prologue End-**


	2. Chapter 1

**Well, here's chapter 1!**

 **For those who found the original part 2 of the prologue better, don't worry I just decided to moved it into this chapter.**

* * *

 **Chapter 1: There are Two Types of Girls in this World, Those Who are Well Endowed and Those Who are Flat**

 **Day 1**

 **Shi** **npachi.**

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"SHINPACHI! KILL IT! KILL IT!"

"BASTARD! AREN'T YOU THE SHIROYASHA!? WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING!?"

"THESE ARE DIFFERENT! THEY'RE THIS WORLD'S VERSION OF BEARS!"

"Gin-chan, I gained a level from killing that frog-aru!"

"BRAT, DON'T COME NEAR ME WITH THAT SLIMY STUFF COVERING YOUR BODY!"

"WAAHH! GIN-SAN, THEY'RE CATCHING UP!"

"You're overreacting, Shinpachi. Just let them swallow you then destroy them from the inside."

"EASY FOR A YATO LIKE YOU TO SAY! WE'RE JUST GOING TO END UP IN THEIR STOMACH IF WE TAKE YOUR ADVICE!"

"It's okay-aru! You can just eat their innards and enter Sage Mode if you can't get out-aru!"

"IDIOT! THESE AREN'T BIJUUS, THEY'RE JUST TOADS! WE WON'T BECOME PSEUDO-JINCHURIKI NOR ACTIVATE SAGE MODE!"

The next morning after we got sent to this world, we decided to take some quests.

We decided to take the quest where we kill 5 toads within 3 days.

Since those were just toads, we thought it would be easy.

We were wrong.

Apparently these toads are large. Kagura-chan was already eaten 3 times and killed them from the inside.

Right now we're being chased by toads.

"!"

I felt a hand grabbing my legs and my face touches the ground. I was being dragged so I desperately dug my fingers to the soil as an anchor.

I looked behind me to find Kagura-chan wrapped in toad's tongue. Her other arm was grabbing Gin-san who's also touching the ground as well.

"Aaaaahhh! Kagura-chan, let go! Let go!"

"JUST LET THEM EAT YOU! YOU CAN KILL IT FROM THE INSIDE ANYWAY SO DON'T DRAG US INTO IT!"

"NO WAY-ARU! IT'S GROSS IN THERE! YOU DO IT YOURSELF-ARU!"

"AS IF! JUST LET US GO, YOU BRAT! WEREN'T YOU THE ONE WHO SUGGESTED THAT IDEA EARLIER!?"

"YOU DAMN BASTARDS! THIS IS JUST LIKE THAT TIME I WAS ALMOST EATEN BY A MONSTER! I'M DRAGGING YOU GUYS WITH ME TO HELL!"

"KAGURA-CHAN, LET GO OF US! UMIBOZOU-SAN WON'T COME TO SAVE US THIS TIME!"

"DON'T MENTION PAPI JUST FOR THE SAKE OF SAVING YOURSELF!"

"OW! OW! OW! KAGURA! KAGURA! YOUR GRIP! YOUR GRIP! IT HURTS! IT HURTS!"

As Gin-san and I tried to get out of Kagura-chan's clutches—!

"Light of Saber-!"

-A voice echoed from the distance.

A beam of light cut the toad in half. After that, we removed the tongue wrapped around Kagura-chan.

"A-are you guys alright?"

We turned to the source of the voice.

It was a girl in black robes probably around the same age as Kagura-chan.

"Oh, its okay we're fine. Thank you for saving us even though we're strangers."

I bowed down to show my gratitude.

"Y-you're welcome. A-actually the reason I saved you because I thought I heard my rival shouting but it turns out I was mistaken."

She lowered her head and mumbled while occasionally glancing at Kagura-chan.

"Hear that, someone is asking to be my rival already-aru!"

Kagura-chan said while picking her nose.

"N-no! I-I didn't ask for us to be rivals!"

The girl defended herself while blushing.

"A-anyway, I haven't introduced myself. My name is Yunyun, an archwizard."

The girl introduced herself shyly.

"Nice to meet you, Yunyun-san! My name's Shimura Shinpachi, but you can call me Shinpachi. This girl here is Kagura-chan and this person is Sakata Gintoki."

I replied by introducing ourselves to her.

"Gin-chan, she's just around my age but her breasts are a little bit off."

"Well, this may be a different world, but it could be possible for them to have something similar to silicon transplants."

"I knew it! Those must be fakes-aru."

Oi, you two. The girl you're secretly mocking can hear your whispers.

But those breasts really are well developed that one could say that it's fake.

This is bad; Yunyun-san is getting nervous because of these two idiots' conversation. Then, Kagura-chan said with a happy tone.

"Hi, I'm Kagura-aru. I hope we'll become friends, Silicon-chan"

"I-I don't really understand what that word means but I hope so too, uhmm…. Kagura-san, isn't it?"

"Kagura-chan, don't call her by that name. Even if she doesn't know what it means, don't call her by that name."

I retorted Kagura-chan in a calm manner.

To prevent any more damage to Yunyun-san, I held out a suggestion.

"W-well now that we introduced ourselves, we should call it a day."

"Oi, Shinpachi. You're forgetting the fact that we only killed four toads when we needed five. Also, the only ones who killed toads were Kagura and Sili-chan."

"Gin-san, stop it. Please, stop bullying the poor girl. Also, the quest says 'kill five toads within three days' so we can continue this tomorrow."

"No need for that, Shinpachi. Look, Sadaharu killed the fifth one for us-aru!"

Kagura said while pointing at Sadaharu who's carrying a dead toad with his fangs.

"W-w-what IS that thing!?"

Yunyun-san said with a trembling voice.

"This is our pet Sadaharu!"

Kagura proudly said as she patted our wagging dog.

"Well, that makes it five. We should go report to the guild now."

Gin-san suggested.

"Ah, but the fourth kill was Yunyun-san's. Shouldn't we give her a share from the reward as well?"

"You're right Shinpachi. We should be able to get experience points from her and the reward will still be just for the three of us."

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! YOU'RE NOT ATTEMPTING TO KILL HER, ARE YOU?!"

"N-no! It's fine! You can keep the reward! I was only passing by when I saw you guys!"

The girl stepped back while doing an awkward defensive stance.

"It's okay, the four of us should split the reward equally since you killed that toad anyway!"

I said to her while scratching my cheek with one finger.

"Gin-chan, Shinpachi's in heat again. Do you think he's attracted at Silicon-chan's _yunyuns_ -aru? _"_

"I see, Yunyun-chan's _silicon_ would definitely attract desperate sixteen-year old virgins like our Patt-san here."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A DESPERATE SIXTEEN-YEAR OLD VIRGIN!?"

I turned to those idiots behind me and retorted.

Then, I returned my attention to Yunyun-san.

Me being attracted to her? Now that they mentioned it, Yunyun-san actually looks kind of cute with that confused expression.

Ah crap, I'm starting to blush!

My heart beats very fast right now!

What is happening to me? The moment I thought that she's cute I started feeling crazy inside!

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

I rushed to a nearby boulder and repeatedly bashed my head into it.

I can already feel my blood coming out of my forehead!

-CALM DOWN! "CALM DOWN!" CALM DOWN! "CALM DOWN!" CALM DOWN! "CALM DOWN!" CALM DOWN! "CALM DOWN!" CALM DOWN! "CALM DOWN!" CALM DOWN! "CALM DOWN!" CALM DOWN! "CALM DOWN!" CALM DOWN! "CALM DOWN!" CALM DOWN! "CALM DOWN!"—

"Oi, are really that desperate for becoming an adult, Shinpachi? And some of your monologues are leaking, you know?"

"U-Uhm, what is he doing? Is he going to be alright?"

"He's fine-aru. He's just bashing his actual head because he has no chance to ever use his _other_ head to bash anything."

-Ah

My mind goes blank.

It was probably because of blood loss that I'm starting to lose consciousness.

Some.. body… help me…

* * *

 **Yunyun.**

I'm very confused right now.

I thought I heard Megumin screaming so I rushed to the scene where I found out that the girl was actually someone I don't know and was accompanied by two men.

They were about to be eaten by a toad so I decided to rescue them.

These three were odd.

First is the silver-haired man with a wooden sword. His name is Sakata Gintoki.

Then, there's Kagura, the slimy girl who I thought was Megumin. She looks nothing like her but for some reason I thought of her as Megumin. The slime covering her body reminded me of the time when I first met Kazuma-san together with Megumin.

Lastly, is a man named Shimura Shinpachi. He wears a pair of glasses and is probably around the same age as Kazuma-san. He had a very polite manner of speaking to me.

For some reason, Kagura-san and Gintoki-san started calling me Silicon-chan.

I don't know why, but it feels like that name would only give me embarrassment.

Also, they had a large dog that Kagura-san named Sadaharu.

When Shinpachi-san offered me to split the reward with them equally, I initially refused it but he kindly said that it's only fair that I would get a share.

After Kagura-san and Gintoki-san whispered something, Shinpachi-san screamed at them and when he looked back at me, he started acting weird.

He rushed to a nearby boulder and bashed his head repeatedly while telling himself to calm down.

I was getting worried at his actions so I asked Kagura-san.

"U-Uhm, what is he doing? Is he going to be alright?"

"He's fine-aru. He's just bashing his actual head because he has no chance to ever use his _other_ head to bash anything."

Kagura-san answered with a bored expression on her face.

I was about to ask her what she meant by _other head_ , but I stopped myself before that. I think I already know what it is.

Eh—

I heard a thud and that's when I saw Shinpachi-san lying on the ground. There's a lot of blood stained at the boulder and more covering his unconscious face.

As I watched Kagura-san poking Shinpachi-san with a twig followed by Gintoki-san smacking Kagura-san in the head, I asked myself.

Who are these people?

I looked at their dog who was staring at me and asked another question to myself.

Why does it feel like that dog wants to eat me?

* * *

 **Shinpachi.**

I woke up on Sadaharu's back and noticed that it's already nighttime.

Judging from the surroundings, we are heading to the stables, which would mean that Gin-san and the others have already received the rewards for the quest.

"Oi, it seems that you've woken up. Here's your share, Patt-san."

I instinctively caught the bag of coins Gin-san threw at me.

"Ah, Gin-san. We're supposed to have 31,250 Eris each. Why is my bag only had 5,254 Eris?"

I asked Gin-san after counting the contents of my bag. By the way, Eris is the currency used in this world.

"Oh that, I borrowed some of your money to buy a dozen boxes of strawberry milk and a wagon for Sadaharu."

I looked behind me and realized that Sadaharu was tied to a wagon. It would really help since there would be no need to pay for transport fee for carrying our bounties. As for the strawberry milk—

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY A DOZEN?! YOU BOUGHT TWELVE DOZEN BOXES OF STRAWBERRY MILK! I CAN UNDERSTAND THE WAGON BUT YOU HAD BOUGHT TOO MUCH MILK! WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A REFRIGIRATOR, SO MOST OF IT WILL DEFINITELY SPOIL! GIVE IT BACK! GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY! DIDN'T YOU GET 31,250 ERIS TOO!?"

"Well, the wagon costs 31,500 Eris so I used Kagura's money and yours to buy it, after that, I used yours and silicon girl's money to buy the strawberry milk. As for my money, I used it all up for pachinko. To think that it also exists in this world"

"YOU MONSTER! YOU USED OUR MONEY SO YOU CAN JUST USE YOURS FOR GAMBLING!?"

"That's right, Shinpachi! Gin-chan would drain all our money for his personal needs-aru!"

"You're the one to talk, you drained all the energy of those hungry adventurers by ordering all the food in the guild, causing us to have a running tab there, you brat."

These two!

I was about to shout at them when I realized something.

"Anyway, what happened to Yunyun-san? You owe her money too, you know!"

"She alright-aru! Look!"

Kagura-chan pointed at Sadaharu's mouth.

There's a pair of legs hanging from it—

"YUNYUN-SAN!"

"The moment Silicon-chan tried to pat Sadaharu, he started swallowing her whole-aru. I heard something inside Sadaharu that sounds like a scream but I decided to ignore it since she probably liked it in there."

"She obviously didn't like it in there!"

I got off Sadaharu and pulled the pair of legs from his mouth.

When I removed the unconscious Yunyun-san from Sadaharu, I tried to wake her up.

"Oi, Yunyun-san! Hang in there!"

Then she slowly opened her eyes which are looking at me and widened.

She got up and ran away towards the town.

"I-I'm sorry! I-I have to go somewhere else!"

She said while crying.

Since there was nothing we could do for her, we decided to go back to the stables and called it a day.

The issue for the strawberry milk and our debt at the guild will have to be set aside for now. I lay on the ground and closed my eyes to sleep.

Then I heard something exploded—

* * *

 **Kazuma.**

"That explosive loli, that explosion magic just now was too close!"

I ran towards the source of the sound. I shouldn't have left her alone at home.

This is the only time I regretted going to the succubus shop.

What can I do? Aqua wasn't at home because she was invited by Cecily to celebrate an Axis Cult Festival happening at Alcanretia.

Darkness wasn't home as well because she was invited to some sort of noblemen meeting.

Megumin and I were the only ones left in the mansion.

But since both of us just confessed our feelings for each other, it was awkward for us to be alone in the mansion together.

I decided to secretly visit the succubus shop and stay in a hotel for a while.

Then I heard an explosion just as I was about to close my eyes.

The explosion just now was a bit different from what I was used to. But who else would use an Explosion other than her?

If I run fast, I could still catch up to her.

Anyway, who is her accomplice this time?

The only person I knew who could have assisted her right now was Yunyun, but I just saw her sobbing just now when I exited the hotel. She smells bad and her head is bleeding. I would have asked her about that but decided to set that aside for now.

She was curious on what I was doing at the hotel but I ignored her and hurried to the scene of the crime. I'll come up with an excuse later.

But if Yunyun's not the one who's helping Megumin, then who is it?

My mind races.

What if that idiot got angry that I left her alone in the mansion and used Explosion alone in frustration?

If that is the case, then I have to hurry.

I heard that the giant frogs are plenty right now.

Just as I was about to exit the town gate—

I heard another explosion coming from the same area.

Wait, that can't be possible?

Megumin can only use Explosion once per day.

The only time she was able to use it twice was when we battled the Mobile Fortress Destroyer.

But then again, it only became possible because of my 'Drain Touch' and Aqua's mana. So what's the explanation this time?

Then I saw the culprit of my troubles standing near the crater of the first explosion.

"Megumin, what are you doing? It's late at night and how is it po—"

I stopped.

Megumin is staring at the crater and started shaking a lot.

"Ahhhh….. Ahhhhhhh….."

I've seen this reaction of hers before, it was the same one she had when I showed her the power of my dynamite prototypes.

"M-Megumin, could it be-?"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Before I could finish my question, she grabbed me by the collar.

"KAZUMA, YOU DID THIS DIDN'T YOU!? YOU'RE TRYING TO GET BACK AT ME FOR WHAT I DID EARLIER!"

"Hey, let go! I didn't do this! I thought this was your doing!"

I tried to get away from Megumin who's attempting to strangle me.

Just then, we heard another explosion.

We looked at each other, trying to see if the one of us did it. After confirming that it wasn't one of us, we moved our gaze towards the smoke.

It was then that we saw a long-haired man accompanied by—what the hell is that thing?!

"Wahahahaha! Elizabeth, my level raised by 5! By level 15, we should recreate the Jouishishi here and take down this country's bakufu!"

The man with his arms crossed stared at the smoke created by the explosion. He's wearing a blue yukata with white clothing on top.

His companion, how do I say this, looks like a white penguin mascot used for a kid's birthday party.

Then the white thing turned and faced us.

Waaaaaaahhhhh!

It looks scarier up front!

I felt Megumin hiding behind me. Even Megumin, who finds robots and chivalrous thieves cool, is trembling like a little child when that thing stared into our souls.

It then turned to the man and showed a placard.

It was a dark night, but because of the explosion fire, anyone could read the words written in the placard and even read it better with 'Farsight' and 'Night Vision'.

The girl still grabbing my back whispered to me,

"K-Kazuma, I think they're from the ancient race who built the ruins back home. It's using the ancient language I cannot read!"

Sorry, Megumin. It's actually written in Japanese.

It says,

[Katsura-san, there is a cute couple staring at us. I think they were supposed to get nasty here but we interrupted them.]

"Hey, what are talking about us being nasty!?"

"Kazuma, you can read those words?"

"Elizabeth, we didn't interrupt them. After all, our goals are the same, to use balls as means for _explosions_."

The man said as he pulled out a ball made of metal. With my 'Farsight' skill, I can see a small screen with numbers on it.

I see. It's a time bomb.

Wait, what did he meant balls as means for explosions! Just what did these guys thought we were doing?!

Also, a long-haired samurai talking about toppling the country's government, uses spherical time bombs, and has a white penguin costume companion?

Now where did I last saw a guy with the same description?

No, it can't be possible.

Just as I was about to shake off the possibility, Megumin asked me a question loud enough for them to hear,

"Kazuma, why does this guy who wears a wig ( _zura_ ) able to use Explosion magic without depleting his mana?"

I was about to answer her when the man looked at us and said,

"Zura janai, Katsura da."

I KNEW IT, IT'S THEM!

 **-CHAPTER 1 END-**


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Escaping from this Idiotic Policemen with Bazookas!**

 **Kazuma.**

This isn't happening! This can't be happening!

No, this must be some kind of a dream!

That's right, this must be a dream!

A fourteen year-old girl is lying next to me at the same bed!

My heart keeps racing.

I feel that something dangerous is about to happen if it continues like this.

-Then, I felt something hard piercing my stomach.

It was a punch.

"GIVE ME A SUKONBU NOW, DANG IT!"

As I fly to the wall, I suddenly wished that the girl who entered my room was Megumin and not this sleepwalking hungry girl with Amazonian strength that makes Darkness' iron claw feel like a tickle.

To understand this better, we have to go back a few hours earlier—

-"Zura janai, Katsura da."

Standing in front of us is Katsura Kotaro, the leader of the Jouishishi, a rebel group of samurai seeking the destruction of Edo's government. He is well known for escaping pursuit from the police, giving him the title of "Runaway Kotaro".

Why do I know him?

It's simple, because he's a character from a certain manga and anime series. The "Zura janai, Katsura da (It's not Zura, it's Katsura)" is his running gag catchphrase.

But what is he doing here!?

He's supposed to be a fictional character, so why is he here!?

Could it be that there's another world that is exactly the same as that world!?

If he and Elizabeth are here, then is it possible that—

"It can't be possible!"

I shook my head.

The people around me are already troublesome, imagine what disaster would arise if the other guys from his world are here too.

I would assume that these two were killed by the Shinsengumi, met Eris-sama and were sent to this world.

Eris-sama, please let it be just these two!

-As if mocking my prayers, three consecutive explosions blasted near us.

No, the blasts were aimed AT us, specifically at Katsura.

Megumin and I looked at the source of the explosions and saw what I was afraid of—

"KATSURA! IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO DIE THE SECOND TIME!"

Standing from afar is a man with V-shaped bangs wearing a black uniform who angrily swung his sword. Even though he had a cigarette in his mouth, he was able to scream those words loud and clear.

Behind him are men in same black uniforms holding something familiar that I haven't seen since arriving in this world—

Bazookas.

No.

No. No.

No no no no no no no!

They can't be—

ERIS-SAMA, YOU IDIOT! WHY DID YOU ALLOW THESE GUYS TO BRING EVERY PIECE OF EQUIPMENT THEY HAD!?

"That's right, Hijikata-san. It's time for you to die again."

Another man was aiming his bazooka at the man with V-shaped bangs.

"BASTARD, WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU AIMING THAT THING!? YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BE SATISFIED FOR KILLING ME ONCE, AREN'T YOU!?"

"Toshi, Sougo, cut it out. Right now our focus should be capturing Katsura and nothing else."

Another man interfered between the two.

The two men behaved themselves. Judging from their actions and the third man's charisma, I can assume that he must be the leader of this group—

… …

"Kondo-san, we're capturing a terrorist, so at least wear your uniform. No, at least wear any clothes, an underwear will do."

"Eh, but it was hot inside the station, so I had to remove my clothes. When I heard that Katsura was at it again, I rushed here immediately and forgot to wear clothes."

No, that's just some completely naked gorilla.

Anyway, what's with these turn of events?

First, Katsura Kotaro, then these guys?!

And why are Edo's tax robbers acting like Axel's everyday police!?

"I see, even here the Shinsengumi would keep getting in my way!"

Katsura and Elizabeth started running away from the police.

"STOP HIM! FIRE! FIRE!"

The Shinsengumi fired their bazookas towards Katsura's direction except for one which was evaded by Hijikata.

I have no time to watch.

Since those things are aimed at Katsura, there's a high chance we'll get hit too!

I grabbed Megumin's hand and started running as far from them as possible.

Then, Megumin stopped me and stared at the battlefield from a distance and started shaking again.

That was when I realized—

 **BAKURETSU METER: 50%**

She got angry back when I showed her the dynamite back then.

So what would happen if she saw many artificial explosions before her at one night?

"Wahahaha! Is that all you can do? Take this!"

With my 'Farsight' and 'Lip Reading' skills, I saw Katsura saying those words and started throwing his bombs at the Shinsengumi.

 **BAKURETSU METER: 89%**

"Huh, Megumin, you're saying some… thing?"

I asked when I heard Megumin muttering something

It was then that I realized that she was chanting her spell.

"Oi, Megumin! Stop chanting, we're too close to the tow—"

 **BAKURETSU METER: 101%**

Ah, it's too late.

The multiple explosions before us triggered Megumin.

Desperately, I reached out in an attempt to cover her mouth.

"EXPLOSION—!"

She's done it.

Between the Shinsengumi and Katsura, a large explosion burst forth.

This was the closest we've been to an explosion magic, so I instinctively covered Megumin with my body.

I stared at the bright light and as the Explosion Connoisseur; I'll probably give it 115 points.

The wind from the shockwave sent us flying for a few feet.

After the dust settled, I looked around and saw the extent of the Explosion's damage.

A part of the town's wall was greatly damaged.

The trees near the area were either uprooted or bended away from the ground zero.

I checked the crater to see what happened to those guys.

I can't see Katsura and Elizabeth so they probably escaped while using the explosion as a diversion.

As for the Shinsengumi, all of them had afros and was staring at the crater dumbfounded.

"K-Kazuma, you can let go of me now."

"Wha-!"

I just realized that my arms were wrapped around Megumin so I quickly removed them from her. Then after a few seconds, I picked her up and carried her behind my back.

Ignoring the petrified policemen who were still staring at the crater, I decided to leave the area as quickly as possible and go home.

"I'm sorry."

"!"

On our way to the mansion, Megumin finally said something for a while.

Tightening her arms that were wrapped around me, she said,

"I saw the damages made by my explosion before we left. You will have a large debt once again because of me. If only I controlled myself back there."

"Oi, what are you talking about only me having a huge debt. Shouldn't that be your debt?! Also I'm not the only one that'll be involved in this. As the landlord of this land, the Dustiness Family will be involved as well."

"I see, so I'll be troubling Darkness as well."

Megumin rested her head on mine. Then, she said some strange words to me.

"Kazuma, am I just a burden to everyone?"

Her arms grew tighter around me.

After a few minutes of silence, I said to her.

"What are you talking about? Despite the fact that the only thing you can do is explosion magic which you can only use for one day and the fact that you can't move after using it, you are the greatest offensive power our party could ever have! So don't suddenly raise a flag by saying such strange things!"

"Kazuma…"

"Hey, I'll take care of the debt, so don't worry. Besides, _mom_ would get angry at me if I let her daughter pay all those by herself."

I purposely called Megumin's mother, _mom_ , just to tease her a bit.

"W-why are you calling my mother 'mom' all of a sudden? You're just messing with me, aren't you?!"

"Owowowowow! Megumin, you're choking me! I can't breathe! Okay, okay! I was just joking!"

Megumin continued to tighten her arms around my neck to strangle me. Then, I felt her arms losing grip.

"See? Your strength returned after hearing my joke. You were feeling down since the incident."

"Fine, I'll forgive you."

I sighed, and then she added,

"But in exchange, I will sleep beside you tonight."

Megumin's voice is now full of mischief.

I see, she's trying to get back at me. It won't work on me, for my mind is steel right now.

"Okay, I accept."

"W-well, it's a deal then!"

Hold on, does that mean the thing that happened between us that night at the inn will happen again? Aqua and Darkness aren't home, so could there be a chance that this would go to the next level?

I noticed that my pace has increased. Damn it, steel yourself, Satou Kazuma! Don't get too excited or something will—

"Satou Kazuma and Satou Megumin, you are under arrest for property damage, public disturbance, and attempted murder of police officers!"

-ruin the moment.

Suddenly, we were surrounded by the Shinsengumi with their katanas pointing at us.

"Hold on, how in the world did I get Kazuma's last name! My name is Megumin, number one mage in Axel, an archwizard that uses explosion magic, the one whose last name isn't Satou yet!"

Can your chuunibyou tendencies wait for later?! And what's up with the 'last name isn't Satou' and adding a 'yet' in that part?!

The Demonic Vice-Chief then lights up his cigarette using his mayonnaise-themed lighter.

"Okay, then. Satou Kazuma and Megumin, number one mage in Axel, an archwizard that uses explosion magic, the one whose last name isn't Satou yet, you two are under arrest for destruction of property and—"

"DRAIN TOUCH!"

This mayo freak talks too much. I took his babbling as an opportunity and swiftly covered Hijikata's face with my hand and activated my skill on him.

""Vice Chief!""

After Hijikata fell down, I ran as fast as I could while carrying Megumin on my back.

Seems like we won't be able to go back home tonight.

* * *

 **Hijikata.**

What is this?

After that criminal touched me, I lost the strength to move and I am now lying with my face touching the ground.

It's one thing after another.

-I was just sitting at the Shinsengumi headquarters when Yamazaki came to me running that a giant meteorite was about to crash directly to Edo.

I ordered my men to stay calm and have them evacuate every citizen in the city immediately. All of them rushed to the patrol cars and spread throughout all of Edo to maintain order in the city.

Kondo-san basically gave up all hope, saying that since the world was ending, all chances of him getting that certain cabaret girl he was stalking are now gone.

I ignored him and proceeded to the refrigerator to take all of my mayonnaise bottles and brought them to my secret personal bunker. I planned to hide in there with my mayonnaise until the disaster is done.

As I locked the door, smoke suddenly came out from the bottles and I saw a note attached to one of the bottles.

[Don't worry, Hijikata-san. The mayonnaise you love will be your poison during this disaster.]

I was about to curse Sougo but without ventilation, the poisonous smoke slowly suffocated me that I cannot hear my own voice.

I woke up in a dark room along with the rest of the Shinsengumi. Before us was a girl who claims to be a goddess. While I was strangling Sougo, she told us that we'll get a new chance to be adventurers in a parallel world in order to defeat the Demon King.

Next thing we knew, we were looking at a town called Axel. We went to register ourselves as adventurers and the lady at the counter looked at us with curiosity and handed our Adventurer Cards. I stared at my card, it seems that the skills I had before I died passed on here as I had a 'Swordsmanship' skill written on my card.

The job we got here was 'Police Officer' so the lady recommended us to apply at the police station.

Before I knew it, Axel's police force was reformed into the Shinsengumi we know thanks to my threats. I ordered the old police force to wear our uniforms as well instead of wearing those silly armors that would only hinder their movements.

Later that night, the members of the former police force told us not to be bothered if we heard a loud explosion once a day since it was just an archwizard "practicing" her explosion magic.

However, I can't help the feeling that it was just a cover up made by Katsura and the Jouishishi. After all, if the whole Shinsengumi were killed by the disaster, then the chances that Katsura and the Jouishishi were also sent to this world are high.

My troubles became true when we heard a loud explosion coming from the town's entrance.

We went to the scene of the crime and found Katsura throwing bombs at large toads. With our bazookas, my men fired at Katsura's direction.

Of course, Sougo would aim his at my face so I dodged it.

That was when I noticed two figures running away from the crime scene.

Then, one of them, a little girl screamed—

"EXPLOSION!"

-And a large explosion burst forth in the area between us and Katsura.

We were blown away by its immense force and when the dust settled, we saw a large crater in front of us.

Were they trying to kill us!?

I looked around and noticed that Katsura and the two people were missing.

After that, we went to interrogate some people to know the identities of the two whom I suspect to be new members of the Jouishishi.

The first one we interrogated was a blonde delinquent named Dust,

"Oh, you must be talking about Satou Kazuma and Megumin. No, I don't think they are members of a terrorist organization. My relationship with them? Well, Kazuma is a buddy of mine, he treats us drinks every time they get a large bounty from a quest. He even helped me escape prison once when I peeped at the women's dressing room— Hey, where are you taking me?! I was just joking about it, I never peeked at women!"

Then, a thief named Chris,

"Oh, about Assistant-kun and Megumin causing disturbance to the town? It seems you guys are new here. Those two always practice Megumin's explosion magic everyday so it's just a normal thing here. Their relationship with each other? Well, according to Assistant-kun, it's kind of complicated as of the moment. Wait, why are you arresting me?! Just because my class is Thief, doesn't mean I steal stuff! No, I only call him Assistant-kun because we went on a raid twice! No, I'm neither the leader nor a member of the infamous Masked Thieving Group, and it's supposed to be the Silver-Haired Thieving Group! NO, IT WAS NOT A CONFESSION!"

And a shop assistant named Vanir,

"Mwahahahahahah! Thou want to ask moi if moi knows anything about those two? Very well! The boy who won countless battles through nefarious means and moi are business partners! As for their relationship, thou may say that he and the Crimson Beggar girl are in a relationship that can't progress that much because of a little princess and a woman with muscles for brains that the man also fancies. Thou want to ask what those nefarious means moi was talking about are? The man stole stuff to gain the advantage against his enemies, bought a woman who was the bride of a famous nobleman once and many other things!"

After hearing his part, we thanked the masked guy for his time. As he was about to exit he turned to me and said,

"Before I leave, moi shall give thee a small warning, do not allow thyself to be touched by that man else thou want to find thyself in chains and be humiliated by a man who finds pleasure from other's pain."

We questioned a few more people after that.

They include a sobbing girl named Yunyun, a store owner named Wiz, and a little girl named Alice who calls the suspect, 'onii-sama'.

Based on the data gathered, the man named Satou Kazuma was a thief, a womanizer, a molester and a schemer.

His accomplice, Megumin, was the girl who casted the explosion magic earlier who blows up castles which I see as an act of terrorism.

The people we interrogated gave varying information on the relationship of the two, but judging from their accounts, the two must be live-in partners or even married.

After the interrogation, Yamazaki reported that the suspects were spotted by eyewitnesses inside the town. We then proceeded to arrest these two.

-Now back to the present.

Yamazaki helped me stand up and that's when I saw the two suspects running away.

"Idiots! Go and catch those two!"

As expected of these bastards, all of them ran to catch them. All of them, including Yamazaki, the one supporting me. Now I'm back to the ground.

"YAMAZAKI, WHO TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU BASTARD!"

"It's too late now, Hijikata-san. Zaki is too far now to hear you."

I used few of my remaining energy to look up. Before me is Sougo, who is bearing the most sinister smile that I had ever seen from him.

Why is he the one who remained here with me of all people?!

"Oi, Sougo, I need your assistance right now. The suspect took all of my energy so I can't get up right now."

"Very well, I'll help you."

A sound of metal was heard at my limbs.

"YOU, GODDAMN SADIST! WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS!?"

Sougo cuffed my wrists and ankles with chains which are connected to heavy metal balls and now my arms and legs are spread out.

"There, Hijikata-san. This way, you won't get stolen. See you later then. I am going to try that certain shop that apparently entertains male customers."

"OI! YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HERE ALONE?!"

Sougo went the opposite direction and left me alone.

"W-what is this?"

I heard Kondo-san shaking beside me while saying those words. It seems that he also found Sougo's acts too extreme.

"W-why are you here? Here I come, Otae-saaaaaaaaaaaaaan!"

Kondo-san ignored me, dropped his binoculars and ran towards the same direction Sougo went earlier.

I see. There are more people that were sent from Edo more than what I expected.

Anyway, WHY IS THERE NO ONE HELPING ME!?

* * *

 **Shinpachi.**

A few hours ago…

"Gin-san, what was that sound?"

After hearing a loud noise outside the town, Gin-san and I stared outside the stables.

"Who knows, maybe it's either Zura or the Shinsengumi or both."

"Eh, so they're here too!?"

Well, considering that it was a meteorite that killed us, it's possible that Edo was destroyed and most of its population was killed.

So there might be a lot of people from Edo that were sent to this world too.

Then, another explosion followed.

"Hey, I thought that archwizard girl could only cast one Explosion per day?"

"Don't ask me! I thought that was the case as well."

I overheard the conversation of adventurers staying at the stable next to ours.

"Um, excuse me, but may I ask about this archwizard?"

I asked the adventurers.

"I see that you guys are new here. Well, there's a crazy archwizard living in this town who practices Explosion magic once every single day. She lives at a mansion nearby along with a famous noblewoman, a high priest, and a very strong adventurer."

"Is that so? Our group is composed of a T*ngela, a pair of glasses, and a cute heroine with great strength-aru."

"Hold on, who are you calling a T*ngela, brat? And why is there only one with positive traits in our group?"

"Ow!"

Gin-san smacked Kagura's head.

Then, we heard a series of explosions coming from that same direction. I got curious on what the hell is going on so I turned to Gin-san.

"Gin-san, we should check it out."

"It can't be helped. I can't sleep well with all this noise anyway. I'll kick Zura or those tax robbers' balls if they're the ones doing this."

"I'm staying here-aru."

""You're coming as well""

Gin-san, Sadaharu and I dragged Kagura out of the stables and walked to where the noise was coming from.

* * *

 **Kazuma.**

"Haa… Haa… Megumin… I think we lost them… Haa… Haa…"

I put Megumin down as I catch my breath from running non-stop.

After using 'Drain Touch' at the Demonic Vice-Chief, I ran as fast as I could even with Megumin on my back.

I suspected that some of them would be waiting at the mansion so I decided to hide at the stables.

This was the exact same place where Aqua and I slept during my first days as an adventurer.

I looked outside to check if the Shinsengumi still followed us and then I checked the other stables to see if there are adventurers sleeping in there.

After seeing that the guys are asleep, I returned to Megumin who was now sleeping soundly as well.

She must be tired after all that happened today.

We will be resting here for the night since the mansion may be heavily guarded by the police.

I lie beside Megumin and saw her sleeping face illuminated by the moonlight outside.

"Sleeping beside me tonight, huh? It seems your wish is granted either way."

I smiled while looking at her.

She looked really pretty right now.

The times we shared a bed together at the Crimson Demon Village and that time at the inn suddenly came back to me.

This is bad. My heart's beating too fast.

 _-But I do like Kazuma.-_

I shook my head.

 _-I told you before didn't I? I love you.-_

Ahhh! Stop messing with my head! Satou Kazuma, calm down! Calm down! This isn't the time to think of such things! Why am I hearing her voice all of a sudden?

 _-*Fuhaaah~~*- I feel very sleepy-aru.-_

Damn it, I can't get her out of my hea—Wait, -aru?

"Kagura-chan, don't worry. We're almost there. At least we now know that it was Katsura-san who started those explosions."

"Well, that part when Gin-chan kicked Zura's balls was satisfying so I have no complaints-aru."

I peeked outside the stables and saw four silhouettes walking toward this direction. Wait, the other parts of the stables were all occupied so it could only mean one thing— the place where Megumin and I were staying for tonight is actually occupied by these four people.

Panicked by the turn of events, I dragged the sleeping Megumin to the corner and covered ourselves with piles of hay and used my 'Hide' skill while holding Megumin's hand.

"Hmm? Sadaharu, what's wrong-aru?"

I took a peek and saw a girl around the same age as Megumin and Yunyun. She wears red Chinese-styled clothing and was carrying an umbrella with her.

Beside her is a dog that is about the same size as a horse. So there are dogs that would grow that size in this world?

"Maybe someone took a dump here and covered it in hay? Oi, Shinpachi, look for it! It must be here somewhere! I'll go look outside for the culprit!"

"If Sadaharu can still smell it, it could only be from the gorilla or MADAO-aru!"

"Gin-san, it seems that there's no poop in here so it—"

A moment of silence.

Right now, the guy with glasses and I are staring at each other, both unable to say a word…

* * *

 **Shinpachi.**

"Oi, Shinpachi. What's wrong?"

"Shinpachi, did you find the poop yet-aru?"

I can't open my mouth.

There's a couple hiding in the pile of hay in front of me and the guy was staring at me as if begging me to say nothing of the matter.

"Shinpachi?"

"NO, THERE'S NOTHING HERE! NO POOP, NO COUPLES! NOTHING'S HERE!"

I turned to Kagura-chan while a large amount of sweat drips from my face as if I was just soaked from the rain.

What should I do?!

This couple probably just wanted to have a good time alone and our presence here ruined it!

I looked back at the ones hiding in the hay. Wait, the girl's still sleeping even though I screamed that loud. Could it be possible that guy drugged her and was about to do something to her?

Just as I was about to convince the others to take another walk so those two could escape, I noticed that the girl woke up…

* * *

 **Kazuma.**

Crap! My 'Hide' skill was useless!

The guy in glasses and I are staring at each other, sweat dripping from our faces.

"Oi, Shinpachi. What's wrong?"

"Shinpachi, did you find the poop yet-aru?"

I could see from his face that he doesn't know what he has to do.

"Shinpachi?"

"NO, THERE'S NOTHING HERE! NO POOP, NO COUPLES! NOTHING'S HERE!"

He panicking!

Oi, calm down! You're gonna wake this girl up!

Crap, she's waking up!

"Mmm… Kazum-"

Megumin was about to say something so I instinctively covered her mouth to stop her from talking.

She was surprised by my actions and tried to struggle so I held her tightly using my other arm to restrain her.

Realizing the situation we were in, she started to calm down.

Then, I felt a hand grabbing my shoulder, and it wasn't Megumin's.

* * *

 **Shinpachi.**

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU BASTARD!?"

After seeing the girl struggling from this molester's clutches, I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to face me.

"W-wait! I wasn't doing anything to her, I swear!"

"I-It's true, Kazuma may sexually harass me from time to time, but he only did what he did right now to hide ourselves from you guys!"

"Megumin, you're not helping!"

Huh, the girl's defending him?

"Hey, will you guys be quiet?! We're trying to sleep here!"

""SHUT UP!""

All of us, including the two strangers, shouted at the neighbors beside us.

"Shinpachi, keep him in your grasp. I'll call the police!"

Gin-san said as he ran outside.

"No! Not the police! DRAIN TOUCH!"

"Ahhhhhhh-!"

The guy grabbed my arm and suddenly, my energy was taken away.

I collapsed to the ground and heard a sound from Kagura-chan before losing my consciousness…

* * *

 **Kazuma.**

I used my 'Drain Touch' to get away from the guy with glasses.

Grabbing Megumin's hand, I raced towards the exit—

"WOOTTAAHHH!"

-But was stopped by a roundhouse kick from the Chinese girl.

"Kazuma!"

I hit the wall so hard that I can feel my bones breaking.

"Kazuma! Are you alright?"

Megumin rushed towards me and tried to support me.

"Oi, what are you doing-aru? I thought he was molesting you."

The girl asked Megumin but her eyes were glaring at me.

"No, he was not! He brought me here because we're hiding from the police!"

"Police?"

The girl looked at us in suspicion.

Just as she was about to walk towards us, the silver-haired guy who ran to get the police earlier came rushing back and hid inside the pile of hay.

"Gin-chan, what's wrong? Are the police here yet?"

"T-they're coming! The police are coming! The police that I wanted to see the least are coming!"

Wait, why is he hiding? Did he do something bad to be afraid of the police?

Also, why do I get the feeling that I know who these weird bunch are?

No, I think I already know who they are. I may just be denying it.

"Satou Kazuma and Megumin, you are under arrest! Of course, that defective chinaware that needs an umbrella under the sun is coming with us as well."

It was the voice of Shinsengumi's First Division Commander, Okita Sougo.

This is bad. Because of that kick, I lost my energy to even walk.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOU GODDAMN SADIST?!"

The Chinese girl, who I'm sure is the Yato named Kagura, rushed outside to face her long-time rival.

This is bad. This is really bad!

First Katsura, then the Shinsengumi, and now these guys?!

What exactly happened for all of them to be sent to this world?

I hear explosions coming from outside. It seems that sadistic policeman brought his bazooka with him.

By the way, if these guys died and were sent here like I do, what did they asked for Eris-sama to bring with them?

I assume that the Shinsengumi and Katsura wished to bring their weapons with them, so what did these three brought with them?

As I was asking these questions to myself, Shinpachi, the guy with the glasses, woke up and looked around.

Their silver-haired boss was still hiding beneath the haystack.

"Oi, Shinpachi, wasn't it? Can I ask you something?"

Despite the fact that he almost strangled me and I drained his mana, I asked him a question while ignoring the brawl outside.

He looked at me suspiciously but calmed down when he saw Megumin supporting me as I approached him.

"I-I'm sorry! I thought you were doing evil things to the girl so I grabbed you!"

He then prostrated before us.

"It's okay, I should apologize as well for draining your mana. Anyway, you guys are from Japan too, right?"

"Eh, so you're from another world too?"

Shinpachi stood up and was surprised by what I said.

I turned to Megumin in case she heard us but she was already at the corner staring face-to-face with their dog. I guess I could talk things freely now.

"Yes, but apparently not the same world as yours. By the way, my name's Satou Kazuma and the girl right there is Megumin-"

I pointed at Megumin only to find her with a dog biting her at the head. I could see blood coming down her face. Wait, wasn't that the same with Yunyun when I met her earlier.

"Kazuma, don't mind me. His mouth is actually comfortable in my head and my blood actually keeps me warm right now. But still, Chomusuke's still cuter than this guy. And why are my parents beside you? Oh, look! Aqua, Darkness and Komekko are building a sand castle over there! Ah, I can see a lot of stars! Hahahahahaha!"

"E-Excuse me for a moment."

She's losing too much blood and is now hallucinating, so I grabbed her from Sadaharu and lay her on the ground.

She needs to rest for a while, so I had to use a certain skill Madam taught me that I decided to never use.

"Sleep."

"Wha-! Kazuma, where did y-"

It worked! Megumin is now sleeping soundly.

This will be useful if Chris and I go on another raid next time.

Shinpachi offered me some bandages which I used to wrap Megumin's forehead.

I'll have to apologize to her later.

I went back to talk to Shinpachi. It seems like the brawl was still happening outside.

"Sorry about that, that's the second person Sadaharu tried to eat today. Anyway, Satou Kazuma-san wasn't it? Well now that you mentioned it, your name is Japanese compared to the other guys we had met in this world."

Shinpachi stared outside while saying these things.

"Wait, how did you know that the worlds we came from are different?"

I hesitated to answer.

Who knows what they'll do if they found out that they're just fictional characters in my world.

But, even if I told them the truth, maybe they would just accept it.

Gintama characters are known for being aware that they are just works of fiction.

"It's simple, Patt-san. We were characters from his world's anime just as they are characters from our world's anime."

The main character of Gintama, Sakata Gintoki, stood up from his hiding place.

Wait, what is he talking about?

"Eh, Gin-san. What do you mean by that?"

"Shinpachi, you love reading light novels, right? So you must already know who these guys are."

"Eh, you mean this is the Satou Kazuma from the Konosuba series?!"

Hold on—

I cannot process what those two had just said.

"That's right! This guy here is Satou Kazuma, the main character from the light novel series, _Kono Subarashii Sekai ni Shukufuku o!_ (Gifting this Wonderful World with Blessings!) or mostly known as KonoSuba which was written by Akatsuki Natsume, is a _hikikomori_ (shut-in) who died after trying to save a girl from being hit by a truck. He then met the goddess Aqua who offered him a new life as an adventurer in another world to defeat the Demon King. Annoyed by Aqua, he decided to bring her with him. There, he met Megumin-" points at Megumin, "-who is currently winning the ship wars which started at Volume 5 or the currently non-existing Season 3 for the sole reason of having the top place in the popularity poll and Darkness, a chaotic mixture of Saber and that masochistic stalker!"

… …

… … …

… … … Ah…

...Does that mean… I'm just a fictional character...?

… And my relationship with Megumin only existed because she's in the top place of the popularity poll and I'm the main character…?

… What is the meaning of this? That all of my actions were made by a single entity named Akatsuki Natsume…?

"Nope, this is a fanfiction crossover written by Datu Kula. Neither Akatsuki nor Sorachi are involved in this, so don't blame them."

"Gin-san, Satou-san is having an existential crisis right now. So don't answer the questions in his monologue."

… These guys can read my monologue, huh…?

… I wonder if this is still the work of the author…?

… I don't know who I am anymore…

… It finally makes sense now…

… So that's why I was acting out of character and being strange at the prologue of this fanfic…

… Now that the truth is laid before me, I don't what the meaning of this life is anymore…

… … …

… …

* * *

 **Shinpachi.**

"SATOU-SAN! SNAP OUT OF IT! SATOU-SAN!"

I keep slapping Satou-san's face to bring him back to reality—

-well come to think of it, the reason he's being like this was because he was shown the reality.

"What's the point of living? All of our actions are dictated by a single person anyway. During that time at the inn with Megumin and that night with Darkness at the Dustiness mansion, I thought to myself that I may just be a main character from a light novel and hey, it's actually the truth! I am a main character from a light novel!"

"Accept the truth and just go with the flow. That's how the Gintama cast were able to survive 300+ episodes of anime even with our constant fourth wall breaking."

Then, the girl named Megumin said something with a blank expression. Her eyes are full of emptiness.

"Kazuma, do I really love you that much because of my top place in the popularity polls? What is my actual role besides being the explosion maniac in the group, anyway? My goal in life was to search for Wolbach but that part already ended in Volume 9... What's my actual purpose now, to give the main character a love interest or something? Is that why Darkness has feelings for you too?"

YOU TOO?!

"GIN-SAN, IT'S YOUR FAULT! KONOSUBA COMEDY BARELY INVOLVES FOURTH-WALL BREAKING SO IT'S OBVIOUS THAT THESE GUYS WOULD HAVE AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS! WHAT SHOULD WE DO NOW?!"

"Oi! I'm using this fight to help those two escape from this sadist-aru! So what are you guys still standing there-aru!"

"As if I'll let you do as you please, China!"

Kagura-chan fires bullets from her umbrella at Okita-san to stop him from attacking us.

"Oi, oi. The other people are trying to sleep, you brats!"

""Ow!""

Gin-san approached Okita-san and Kagura-chan and smacked their heads. The two then behaved themselves.

I noticed that the other adventurers in the stables were all looking at us.

"Okita-taichou! The Dustiness Family cleared the crimes committed by Satou Kazuma-san and Megumin-san! They won't be arrested anymore."

"Eh, Yamazaki-san. You're here too?"

"W-well, all of the Shinsengumi were here too."

"Even Kondo-san and Hijikata-san?"

"According to Kondo-san, your sister's here too, Shinpachi-kun."

"Eh, even Aneue's here? Yamazaki-san, where is she?"

"Most of the people here who were from Edo are at the guild right now."

I immediately ran towards the guild.

"Gin-san take care of those two for me, okay!?"

* * *

 **Kazuma.**

"Wait, so were not criminals anymore?"

The message that was sent by the Dustiness Family about clearing our names made Megumin and I forget our worries, including the part where we are just works of fiction. I decided to take Gintoki's advice and just go with the flow.

Megumin was able to get enough rest to walk again.

Now that our names have been cleared, the two of us went back to the mansion.

By the way, this must be Darkness' work which means she must be back home.

I'll thank her when we get there.

We reached the mansion by midnight.

I was about to open the door when—

"Gin-chan, are we really staying here-aru? This looks like a haunted house."

"Nonsense, Kagura. T-there's no such thing as ghosts, you know!"

Wait, what are these two doing here? Why are they carrying their bags? And why is the dog with them?

"Hold on. Who told you to come with us?

"The stables was damaged by the fight and since the cause of it was you guys using the stables as a hiding place, it will be fair if we'll stay here for now."

"What kind of logic is that! Really, who told you to—Wait a minute…"

I turned my glare to Megumin who averted her gaze and started whistling.

"IT WAS YOU!"

"Owowowowow! Kazuma, it hurts! Owowowow!"

I pinched her cheeks so hard there are tears in her eyes.

"I-I only did it because they threatened to feed me to their dog! So forgive me, Kazuma!"

"Sadaharu doesn't eat people! Right, Sadaharu!"

The large dog barked in response to his master. What do you mean that he doesn't eat people?! The injuries on Megumin's head were because of him and I'm pretty sure Yunyun was eaten by him as well!

"Hmm…?"

The silver-haired samurai paused when we entered the mansion.

"Gin-chan, what's wrong?"

"I sense something very familiar. Someone I do not want to see… OVER THERE!"

Gintoki took out his wooden sword and threw it to the ceiling near the front door.

A loud thud was heard from the couch.

A purple-haired woman with the thrown sword piercing her head appeared before us.

She took out the sword from her head and got up.

"Bitch, even here you would follow me?"

"As expected of Gin-san. Bullying me right after hurting me physically~~! Ah~~!"

She reminds me so much of a certain crusader in my party.

"This is a large mansion, Gin-san~! There are many parts to explore here but I want you to explore me first~~!"

The woman rushed to Gintoki but was stopped when he poked her eyes, breaking her eyeglasses in the process. She screamed while rolling on the floor and was enduring the pain.

"How did you find me anyway, huh."

The samurai said while glaring at the rolling woman.

"What do you mean, Gin-chan? Sacchan will always know where you are wherever you go-aru."

Megumin and I ignored those three and proceeded to our rooms.

I should check on Darkness' room to see if she's already home.

I stood in front of her door and overheard the conversation at the living room.

"Actually, I am here because I was tutoring a crusader knight living in this mansion."

Oh, so Darkness must really be here.

But what would a crusader learn from Sarutobi Ayame, a member of the Oniwabanshu of Edo?

I was about to knock at the door when I saw a sign attached to it.

[Don't Bother Knocking. Just Enter.]

I opened the door.

"Darkness, are you here-?"

The room was filled with scented candles and the room was filled with purple seductive aura. In the middle of the room was a blonde woman wearing only a towel and is in the same position Rose was when Jack draw her like one of his French girls.

"Welcome back, darling~~! Do you want a bath? Do want to a meal? Or. Is. It. Me?"

Nope, she isn't here yet.

I slammed the door, quickly went to my room, locked the door and the windows and used 'Freeze' at them to increase security.

I went to my bed and cover myself with a blanket.

I don't care if Megumin might suddenly want to sleep beside me again or Chris wants me to go on another raid with her by calling me on the window…

I just want to sleep right now and hope everything that happened tonight was all just a dream.

 **-CHAPTER 2 END-**

* * *

 **Well, that's Chapter 2!**

 **The next chapter will be the final one for the Introduction Arc.**


	4. Chapter 3

**So the laptop I was using to write Chapter 3 went missing so I had to redo it again in another laptop. So here is the final chapter for the Introduction Arc! I hope you guys enjoy it!**

* * *

 **Chapter 3: If any Crossover becomes a Mess, Just Blame a Certain Wizard Marshall Vampire from the Universe Created by an Author that Sucks at Writing P*rn!**

 **Kazuma.**

I am in a familiar bright room, standing in front of the goddess who I always meet every time I die.

"…Um, how should I put this...?"

Eris scratches her cheek while avoiding eye contact.

I gather my thoughts as to what happened a few seconds ago.

I woke up at midnight only to find a red-haired girl in lavender Chinese-styled pajamas beside me on the bed.

Noticing that the door and the windows were destroyed, I realized that this monstrous girl is sleepwalking and had to get out.

Just when I tried to reach the door, a fist pierced my stomach which sent me flying to the wall.

Next thing I knew, I am right here standing in front of the goddess Eris.

I died because a sleepwalking alien wants to eat pickled seaweed.

"Okay, what's this about? How in the world was it possible that the cast of an anime series ended up here?"

Eris didn't say anything.

"Oi, Can't you see that one of them killed me?"

The goddess looked at me for the first time today.

"Oh, K-Kazuma, you aren't dead yet. You were just knocked unconscious by Kagura-san that your soul went out of your body for a while."

My soul went out of my body? Isn't that the definition of death?!

"Your soul would return to your body within five minutes, so there is nothing to worry about."

Uhh… The fact that my soul was ejected from my body means that my physical body is currently bleeding internally and that's something to worry about!

I sighed.

"Since were going nowhere with this, how about we spent my five minutes with you answering my questions, Big Boss."

Eris averted her gaze once again after hearing her nickname and had a face similar to that of a guilty puppy.

"Okay, I'll ask you this again. What are those guys doing here? At least give me an explanation why this crossover was possible!"

Admitting defeat, the goddess sighed and began looking at me with a serious face.

"It's no use hiding it from Kazuma-kun anyway, so I guess I have no choice but to tell it to you under one condition."

"Don't tell anyone about it, right?"

Eris nodded.

"The people of Edo believed that a meteorite crashed to the city and killed them. But the truth is actually different. Here, let me show you, Kazuma-kun."

With a snap of her fingers, the room changed in an instant. It was as if we were floating in a wide, perfect sphere dyed in the color of the night sky. From its walls you can see many planets floating. At the center of the room floated a wooden chair.

There was something odd about the chair, but I decided to ignore it when Eris signed to follow her.

"Whoa! What is this place?"

Looking around, I asked the goddess who approached the chair.

"This is the place where you can observe all parallel worlds, alternate universes, and different timelines."

From the chair, an old man probably around in his 50s to 60s stood up and faced me.

"So, Eris. Would you be so kind to tell me why this little brat is doing in my personal space?"

I'm going to kill this old bastard!

"Um… Kazuma-kun, let me introduce you to Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg. A magus who possesses the Second Magic or Kaleidoscope which governs anything related to parallel world. It was actually with his help that we could send people who died to another world."

…Wait…

"WAIT A MINUTE! WHY IS THE POSSESSOR OF THE SECOND MAGIC IN THIS FAN-FICTION TOO?! I THOUGHT THIS WAS ONLY A CROSSOVER BETWEEN KONOSUBA AND GINTAMA! WHY IS THE NASUVERSE INVOLVED IN HERE AS WELL!? AND WHAT'S WITH THE SUDDEN BIG REVELATION THAT A SENILE OLD VAMPIRE WAS INVOLVED IN SENDING ME TO ANOTHER WORLD?!"

"Brat! Just because a version of you is my disciple doesn't mean you have to scream out loud and insult me!"

"DON'T INVOLVE OTHER FANFICS IN THIS, YOU DAMN GEEZER! THE AUTHOR DOESN'T HAVE THE PERMISSION TO USE THE WORKS OF OTHER AUTHORS IN THIS WEBSITE, YOU KNOW!"

"Hoho… So you had learned the ways of the Edo people. Your straight man retorts now involve loud screaming and fourth-wall breaking!"

This old vampire geezer! I so want to erase that smirk of yours!

If only Aqua was with me right now, you would be facing the wrath of 'Sacred Exorcism' in no time!

"IT'S BASICALLY YOUR FAULT, I JUST KNOW IT! THE FACT THAT YOU'RE HERE IN THIS MESSY CROSSOVER MEANS THAT YOU MESSED WITH OUR WORLDS!"

I pointed my finger at the Dead Apostle Ancestor's face.

Zelwretch sighed but that vile smile never left.

"Sure, I messed up plenty of timelines before that you can find some fanfics around this website with my name slapped on it, but you can be assured that this current situation is not my doing."

Just as I was about to throw another rant to this vile old man, Eris went between us.

"Kazuma-kun, he's telling the truth. You should take a rest at the chair over there and talk to us when you're ready."

Following Eris' advice, I went to sit on the chair I always sit every time I die. I didn't question how this chair suddenly appeared here and decided to calm myself down.

-After a minute, I approached the two who were having a serious conversation.

The old magus looked at my direction and let out a sigh.

"Are you ready to listen, boy?"

I nodded.

"Kazuma-kun, Let's get to the point. See that planet over there? That is the world of those samurai."

Eris pointed at a floating sphere which enlarged itself that it would be around the same size as the Earth Federation's famous spherical coffin in real life.

It is basically the same Earth that I know except that it's positioned in a way that Japan looks like the center of the planet.

"Two days ago, some unknown force destroyed the world in an instant."

Suddenly, a bright light glowed where To- no Edo would be and the planet disappeared.

In its place are thousands of floating rocks and debris.

"It happened in an instant. We don't know what or how that actually happened, but all we know is that the cause of it was not from that universe."

Eris said as she stared at the debris that was once a planet.

"That was when the council of the gods called upon me. Unfortunately, I too don't know the cause of it, but I do have a small guess."

Zelretch snapped his fingers and another planet enlarged itself.

Recognizing some parts of it from reading maps, I realized that this sphere is the world where I was sent to defeat the Demon King. Then he stared at the debris.

"Since the world was destroyed by an unknown cause, the universe's divine forces are starting to make repairs to the planet."

Just as he spoke those words, another light emerged at the center of the floating piles of debris.

Veins came out from the bright light and began pulling the pieces of rubble towards it.

The appendages made of light picked the small rocks and assembled them perfectly like a jigsaw puzzle.

Within seconds, a small sphere can be seen at the center of the light.

"Currently, the repairs are at 3% so I could say that it would be finished within three months. While waiting for it to be finished, I gave the council an advice to temporarily send those who were residing on that planet to other worlds and give them false memories about their deaths."

After the old man finished his explanation, Eris spoke up to add more information.

"The people of Japan were the ones sent into our world. It's the reason why the people of Edo appeared on our land, Kazuma-kun."

"Now that everything that you needed to know are answered, I suggest that you leave this place."

Zelretch said as if giving us orders.

"Thank you for your help, Zelretch-sama. We shall take our leave. Kazuma-kun, follow me."

Eris bowed at the Dead Apostle and walked towards a floor with a glowing light.

"In a minute."

I called at the goddess waiting for me and turned at the Wizard Marshall who sat at the chair and started reading a book.

"One last thing, since a version of me is a disciple of yours, can I-"

"No."

As if reading my mind, the magus interrupted me in an emotionless manner while flipping the pages.

"Old man, you didn't even let me finish my sentence."

Zelretch closed his eyes as he closed the book he was reading.

"I know what you're going to say. You wish to become a disciple like your other version and that is something I have to refuse. I already have countless headache-inducing versions of yourself that had become my disciples and all of them originated from only one Satou Kazuma who stupidly chose to have Kaleidoscope as his blessing. And even if I do agree in teaching you, it is impossible for you to learn it since you are one of the versions of Satou Kazuma who regrettably chose a useless goddess as his blessing."

He placed his book on a desk beside him which appeared out of nowhere and looked into my eyes with a serious face.

"Remember when I said that I had a small guess on what the cause of that world's destruction is? It is you, Satou Kazuma. Or at least a version of your stupid head who learned the Kaleidoscope and messed with the timeline. Or it could be something else but still related to you. Don't worry, these are just theories of mine."

Wait, what is this old geezer talking about?

"That is enough for now. It's almost time for you to return to your body. You would truly die if you remain here a little longer."

As I proceeded to where Eris is standing, Zelretch spoke some strange words.

"Boy, I want you to try something for me."

"What is it that you want me to do, old man?"

The Dead Apostle rested his back on the chair and smiled.

"Should you find the Yato girl on a rampage when you wake up, I want you to use the Lich's ability to subdue her. Oh, and make sure that the chuuni that has feelings for you is present as well."

"Okay, then. But what has Megumin got to do with this?"

He picked up the book that he was reading and chuckled a bit.

"I just want to test something that has got to do with me messing with the two worlds many years ago."

"Kazuma-kun, we have to go!"

I ignored Zelretch and approached Eris. With a snap of her fingers, we are back at the familiar room where I always go whenever I die.

Eris scratched her cheek once again.

"Well, that part with Zelretch was unexpectedly long…"

"I know, right? It wasted 1,417 words from this chapter and it wasn't supposed to be in the original plans for this fan-fiction."

Both Eris and I let out a sigh.

"Three months, huh? It's only been two days, but considering that the Shinsengumi had already taken over as Axel's police force, I don't want to know how long will it take for my favorite 24/7 café to become a cabaret club, a tranny bar, or a miniature version of Yoshiwara."

"I agree with you, Kazuma-kun. I was arrested last night by the Shinsengumi just for having a Thief job and being associated with you guys!"

As we let out another sigh, we heard a voice coming from the door behind me.

"Kazuma! Are you alright! Answer me!"

It was Megumin's voice.

"I see, it's time for me to go back there."

I exit the room and prepared myself to the events that will follow as soon as I wake up.

* * *

 **Megumin.**

"Kazuma! Are you alright! Answer me!"

I tried to wake the unconscious Kazuma who I found stuck in his bedroom wall.

I wanted to talk to him tonight but I didn't want to disturb our visitors. I decided to wait until midnight to visit his bedroom.

What I found before me was a room full of craters, a wrecked bed, an unconscious NEET, and a rampaging sleepwalking girl.

"Haaaarley Davidson!"

The girl, Kagura, speaks random words I don't understand and proceeds to kick a wall.

It seems that she sleepwalked into Kazuma's room and kicked Kazuma in the process.

"Uhhh… Megu… min… is that you…?"

Kazuma said as he regained consciousness.

I sighed in relief when I checked his condition. He will be fine.

Then, narrowing his eyes to me-

"Why did you disturbed me when I was having a quality time with Eris-sama?"

This guy!

After saving his life, he's saying that I disturbed his sleep?! He's absolutely the worst!

I let out another sigh.

Do I really love him that much that I can't seem to hate him?

Suddenly, I noticed that Kazuma's eyes became wide.

"Megumin, look out!"

"WOOTAAHHHH-!"

I was lost in thought that I forgot about the sleeping berserker behind me.

Kazuma pushed me and now I am lying on the floor with him on top of me and his arms on my back. This is the third time he embraced me tonight.

I looked at the area where we were just sitting a moment ago and saw that the floor is now a crater with the red-haired girl standing at the center.

Seeing that his room had turned into a wreckage, Kazuma got up and took a piece of rope.

"That's it! This mansion will be destroyed if we let this demon do as she please!"

Then, throwing the rope to the sleeping girl-

" _Bind!_ "

-he used his Bind to subdue the rampaging girl.

"Kazuma, the ropes aren't enough! She's too strong!"

"I know that, I guess I have no choice then!"

He rushed towards her and—

" _Drain Touch!_ "

\- Kazuma's skill must have worked on her that she finally calmed down.

"Uhhhh…."

There's something wrong, Kazuma is glowing red and his trying to catch his breath.

"Kazuma!"

I touched his back and noticed that his temperature is too high! Did he absorb too much mana from this girl!?

Suddenly, something hot grabbed my arm. It was Kazuma's hand.

"…I'm sorry… Megumin… But can… I… give you some of the excess mana I absorbed?"

"No way! Even if I hadn't replenished my mana completely, I wouldn't be able to carry this much ma—NAAAHAAAAAA-!"

It's too late convincing the guy, he already used his skill at me—

* * *

 **Kazuma.**

"Haa… Haa… Megumin… Are you alright…?"

I finally relieved myself from the excess mana I absorbed from Kagura by giving some of it to Megumin.

Anyway, what's with this girl? When I used 'Drain Touch' on her, I was able to absorb mana three times faster than normal which caused me to take so much beyond my mana capacity.

How is it possible for a member of an Amanto race that specializes in raw power had more mana capacity than a Crimson Demon?

Also, I only gave Megumin less than half of what I absorbed and she fainted as a result.

I am very confused at this situation right now.

As I was trying to process the turn of events, Megumin showed signs of waking up.

"Megumin, you're awake!

"*Fuhaa~~*- Gin-chan, who are you calling Megumin-aru?"

-Aru?

"Um, Megumin… You're Megumin, right?"

I have a bad feeling about this.

Her way of speaking and that verbal tic is more similar to the Yato behind us.

"K-Kazuma! Why did you tie me up as well? And face me if you want to talk to me!"

I turned behind me to find the red-haired girl looking at me while struggling from the ropes.

I'm pretty sure that the voice was Kagura's but the manner of speaking is closer to that of Megumin's.

… Please… Don't tell me…

Facing Megumin who is acting like Kagura, I decided to ask her a question I don't want to hear the answer.

"Umm… What was your name again?"

"Ha? What are you talking about? I'm Kagura-aru!

With a wide and innocent eyes, she confirmed my suspicion.

 _-Should you find the Yato girl on a rampage when you wake up, use the Lich's ability to subdue her. Oh, and make sure that the crimson-eyed girl that has feelings for you is present as well. -_

I cursed that old geezer who's probably laughing his ass off right now!

* * *

 **Shinpachi.**

 ** _A few hours ago…_**

"Gin-san, take care of those two for me!"

After Yamazaki-san told me that Aneue is at the guild house right now, I immediately rushed back to the town.

When I reached the guild, I hear the loud voices of cheering adventurers and I opened the door.

The guild at night is a bit more different than it is at day.

At day, you can only find few people and most of them only visit to either eat or report quests.

At night, you can find many adventurers happily drinking beer and partying.

Tonight is no different.

"Huh? What do ya mwean by me havin' to pay ya for dwinkin' yow beer*hic*? I CAN DO WHAT I WANT, EVEN IF DRINKING OTHERS' BEER WITHOUT PERMISSION!"

Something large crashed towards my side. I looked at the crash site and found a knocked out adventurer.

"Hey! What was that, huh? Do you want a fight or something!? If you keep this up, we will not hesitate to teach you a lesson, even if you're a woman!

One of the adventurers, a large muscular man, stood up from his chair and faced the perpetrator. He was joined by other adventurers who were glaring at the drunkard.

"*hic* What's that? You want to fight me or something, huh?*hic*?"

I take a good look at the perpetrator and forced a smile.

These guys won't last a minute against that person. Because that person is Tsukuyo-san, the leader of Yoshiwara's Hyakka, especially now that she's in, as Gin-san would call it, "Drunk Terminator Mode".

The adventurers surrounded the woman who is carrying a bottle of booze at her hand.

"Ara. You shameless men are really going to gang up on a woman, aren't you? In that case, I have no choice but to obliterate you guys."

Aiding the drunk Tsukuyo-san is the very person I went here tonight, my very own sister who is wearing the same clothing as the guild staff.

By the way, what do you mean by obliterating them, Aneue? Those words make it look like you're going to take their experience points for yourself!

Suddenly, another person wearing an eyepatch stood between Aneue and the drunk men and draws out a katana and pointed it at the large men.

"I will not allow dangerous-looking people harm Tae-chan! Now you fiends, give me your tes*icles!"

The head of the Yagyuu Clan swung her sword and charged towards her opponents.

Kyuubei-san, you're the most dangerous one here!

""Gah!""

Many adventurers suddenly flew up in the air and crashed towards the walls.

"G-get them!"

One of the muscular men ordered his comrades to attack Tsukuyo-san and Aneue—

All of them attacked the two women at the same time.

Does this world have a law concerning women protection!?

Then, all of a sudden, three men flew towards the counter.

I looked at the three monsters in the middle.

Tsukuyo-san smashed a bottle of alcohol to the head of an adventurer and proceeds to kick him towards the table on her side then throws a kunai directly at his ass.

Aneue feeds another adventurer a piece of her _Dark Matter_ and then throws him into the air.

As for Kyuubei-san—

"OII! THAT PERSON WITH AN EYEPATCH IS TRYING TO RIP OUT EVERYONE'S TES*ICLES! WHAT'S HER PROBLEM!"

"IF I CAN'T GET ONE, NO ONE CAN!"

"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!? SOMEBODY GRAB HER!"

Three men restrained Kyuubei-san-

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

-and were thrown by the eye-patched woman into the air.

I almost forgot that Kyuubei-san doesn't like physical contacts with men and would throw them even if it was just an accident.

One of the injured adventurers sat up and tried to back away.

"This is crazy! Three dangerous women are destroying the guild house! S-somebody call the police!"

As he said those words, a primitive primate burst out from an empty barrel near Aneue.

"Never fear, Otae-san! The police have arrived! I shall arrest these guys for the sake of our love!"

As expected, the gorilla stalker of the Shinsengumi would take my sister's side despite the fact that she's the criminal here.

"So, Otae-san. Let's take these guys to prison as you take me to the prison called love!"

"Kill yourself, gorilla!"

Aneue insulted Kondo-san as she grabs his face and throws him to the rising pile of almost dead adventurers at my right side. That's when she saw me and calmed down.

"Ah, Shin-chan! Is it really you?"

My sister approached me as the injured adventurers who were lying in her path quickly fled in fear.

"Y-Yeah, it really is me, Aneue."

I was about to start a conversation with my sister when—

"I have enough with this! Let's get out of here!"

-the beaten adventurers all surrendered and fled the guild house.

Only a few adventurers, including us, and the staff members were left the building.

The Hyakka entered the guild just a few minutes after the fight was over. It turns out that Tsukuyo-san who accidentally tasted a wine drop went out of their sight and they spent the whole night looking for her.

They paid for Tsukuyo-san's damages and expenses and bid their farewell while carrying her.

I sighed and looked at the guild's sorry state. Broken tables and chairs, shattered glass bottles scattered on the floor, and destroyed walls.

I decided to help the staff clean up the mess.

"Oh, I almost forgot. Aneue, what's with the clothes?"

I asked my sister while picking up pieces of glass bottles.

"I'm a member of the staff right now, Shin-chan. I was looking for a job that is closest to a cabaret club so I decided to apply here."

"Aneue, there is absolutely no similarities between this guild house and a cabaret club!"

After we had finished our job, Aneue gave me a piece of paper and bid me farewell.

When I asked her where she and Kyuubei-san will be staying for the night, all she said was—

"We will be staying at our home, Shin-chan. Now, I think it's time for you to join Gin-san."

-and went on their way.

What does she mean about that?

I decided to brush my question off for now and went back to the stables.

When I arrived at the place, the other adventurers told me that Gin-san and Kagura-chan went with Satou-san to stay at his mansion.

After asking its location, I immediately rushed to the mansion.

It seems that cleaning the guild house took a lot of time since the sun is already rising by the time I reached the place.

I knocked on the door which was opened by Kagura-chan.

She was wearing a witch attire similar to what that Megumin girl was wearing last night.

"Good morning, Kagura-chan. What's with the weird outfit?"

Making a sudden glare at me, she said in a straight Japanese accent.

"Oi, if you have a problem against my outfit, let's hear it!"

Huh? Kagura-chan is acting strange right now.

I entered the house and found a tired looking Satou-san at the couch.

Beside him is Gin-san who is lazily reading the Jump issue that he bought when the meteorite hit Edo and Megumin-san in Kagura-chan's clothes who is currently picking her nose.

"Hey, didn't I tell you not to do such things in my body?!"

Kagura-chan charged at Megumin-san while scolding her.

"Shut up! No matter which body I am in, I will do what I want to do with it-aru!"

Eh? Did I just hear Megumin-san say -aru?

Kagura-chan grabs the other girl's arms while Megumin-san tries to break free from her clutches.

Since I can't understand what's happening, I turned to Gin-san and asked.

"Gin-san, what is wrong with those two?"

The silver-haired samurai answered without looking back at me.

"Basically, the two Rie's got confused and got their roles switched."

"Gin-san, many readers won't understand that reference. Even most of the Gintama and Konosuba watchers and readers won't get it. I bet only a few people outside Japan would know of Takahashi Rie and Kugimiya Rie!"

Picking a snot from his nose and flicking it away, Gin-san said.

"So you're saying is that we should tell them?"

"Oi, you're breaking the fourth wall too much, you guys! At this rate, there'll be no wall to break!"

Satou-san snapped!

"All walls will eventually meet its end, including the fourth wall. Even the walls of GAR-Sen Sei were destroyed by the Blue Lotus who killed the Mud Queen at Book 3 of The Legend of Dora!"

"You bastard! I was just having a marathon of The Legend of Ko*ra when I died! How dare you spoil stuff! Also, give me that Jump! I need to catch up at Ble*ch and Hu*terXHun*er!"

"Biatch was already finished since last year and HangerXHanger is on hiatus once again because of that idiot's back pain and Dragon Quest addiction, so there's nothing for you to read here! Don't take this from me, the Silver Ball Arc of Gintaman is starting to get good!"

These two are ignoring me.

And even though the way of censorship of the series' names were different for each of them, how is it possible for them to understand each other!?

Also, my question was never answered!

"Hey! The two of you, cut it out! I haven't even got an answer from my question earlier."

Giving up on the Jump, Satou-san turned to me and explained.

"Seiyuu jokes aside, an incident happened last night and I had to use my skill at these two."

We turned our gazes towards the two girls who are still fighting.

"And so their bodies were switched, wasn't it?"

He nodded.

"I don't know what exactly happened. My 'Drain Touch' isn't supposed to do something like that. I tried to do it again, but nothing happened."

"Anyway, we should give these two brats new names while they are switched. It'll be hard if the monologues go with 'Kagura in Megumin's body' and 'Megumin in Kagura's body'."

Now when you think about it, mentioning these two would be very hard if we don't give them nicknames.

"How about this, how about we name them Kagumin and Megura?"

"Hmm… I'm pretty sure that many Konosuba fans would mistook the 'g' in Kagumin for 'z' whenever they read this. Anyway, we got the names! But who will get the nickname? Should we go with (BodySoul) or (SoulBody)?"

Satou-san suggested.

"Let's have a vote, then! Those two M can join the voting as well."

Gin-san stood up full of energy then announced the voting for the nicknames.

Also, I forgot to notice that there were two other people here with us.

One of them is Sarutobi Ayame, commonly known as Sacchan-san, member of the Oniwabanshu and Gin-san's stalker.

The other one is an armor-wearing beautiful blonde girl who is slightly older than me. She seemed embarrassed when Satou-san looked at her. She must be one of Satou-san's party member the adventurers mentioned earlier.

-After arguing for three hours, it was decided that we go with (SoulBody).

"So this how it'll work. Megumin who is in Kagura's body will be called Megura and Kagura who is in Megumin's body will be called Kagumin—Wait, where is that brat anyway?"

As Gin-san was explaining it, we realized that Kagumin-chan is nowhere to be found.

"Where is she?! What plans does she have using my body!?"

Megura-chan complained.

"Calm down, Megumi—I mean Megura! She's probably close!"

Kazuma-san reassured her.

"Um… Guys, she's in the backyard swimming."

The blonde knight, Darkness-san reported.

"Swimming?"

We rushed to the mansion's backyard only to find Kagumin-san playing at a swimming pool.

Kazuma-san then said.

"That's odd, I don't remember us having a swimming pool at our backyard."

"Ah! Gin-chan! I can finally expose myself under the sun and wear a bikini!"

Kagumin-chan waved at us. She's now wearing a two-piece swimsuit.

Although something about it is really odd.

"Oi. How did wearing a baby bra and panties considered a bikini?! And what's with those fancy black-laced panties? Are you going to Vegas or something?!

Oh, so that's what's odd about it.

"Eh, but the only ones in Megumin's drawer were black-laced and I don't want to bath with my own granny panties-aru!"

"What kind of teenage girl wears granny panties, huh?!"

"My kind-aru."

"That was a rhetorical question, idiot! At least wear shorts if you don't have a bathing suit. If you keep doing this, there's a chance that this fanfic will change its rating from T to M and people that had lolicon tendencies towards Megumin will increase. Look at those two over there, their bleeding their noses while looking at you."

"Gin-san, I'm not like that you know."

"Not you, Shinpachi. I'm talking about those two."

I looked behind me to find Kazuma-san trying to stop his nose from bleeding and Darkness-san breathing heavily.

"Kazuma! Stop looking! I may not be the one inside that body, but that's still my body! Stop staring at her—I mean me—I mean her-! Ahhh! Having switched bodies are confusing! And what's with that look, Darkness?!"

Megura-chan is trying to save her body's dignity.

"K-Kazuma… This humiliation Megura's feeling… must be nice… Can I walk naked at the town later…?"

Eh...?

What did this onee-san just say?

"Lalatina-san, you shouldn't do that. Your body should not be seen like that by many people."

Sacchan-san is giving Darkness-san a good advice. I wonder what she ate this morning for her to act like this?

"No, it should only be seen by this boy here just as mine should only be seen by Gin-san~~! As your mentor, I would suggest that you should also be the only one to see his full body. Do not let any cabaret girls or Yoshiwara skanks get their claws on him! Find a good hiding place to ogle his naked body like in the ceiling of his bedroom or the behind the mirror at the bathroom. That way you can see all of him from the tip of his * down to his *~~!"

"SHUT UP! YOU DIRTY BITCH, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TEACH!? AND YOU ACTUALLY FOUND A FELLOW MASOCHIST THE DAY YOU ENDED UP IN THIS COUNTRY!?"

The kick from Gin-san threw Sacchan-san into the pool.

"M-M-Mentor… I-Is that the Domestic Violence you were talking about that you like from this man? Kazuma! Kick me with your hardest as well~~! On second thought, instead of using your foot, use your hard * to throw me to the heavens~~!"

"OI! THAT NINJA GAVE DARKNESS' PERVERTEDNESS A HUGE BUFF! HEY, DESERTEDWIFENESS! DID YOUR SMALL BRAIN ALLOWED YOU TO BE BRAINWASHED THAT EASILY BY THAT WOMAN?! ALSO, THERE'S NOTHING EVEN MORE HARDER THAN YOUR ABS, YOU KNOW!"

"Ahhh~~! As expected of Kazuma, even his own words are so painful that it already feels like he hit me hard~~! Ah~~! Even the part where you just ignored me last night brought a tingling to my *~~!"

THERE ARE ACTUALLY TWO PERVERTS IN THIS PLACE RIGHT NOW?!

"SHUT UP! Anyway, how is it possible that we have a swimming pool here!?"

Satou-san shouted and changed the topic.

Kagumin-chan looked at him and explained.

"I had Sadaharu dig a hole here and this woman helped by cementing the hole and adding water."

Kagura pointed towards a blue-haired woman at the other side of the pool who's drinking liquor leisurely.

"There you are, Kazuma! Megumin asked if we could have a pool here so we made one! Why didn't I think of this before? This pool is very fitting for I, the great Aqua-sama!"

"You useless goddess! You didn't even ask for my permission! And it's still early in the morning so I'm taking your booze!"

Satou-san ran towards the blue-haired girl and confiscated her bottle.

"Wahhh! Kazuma, you mean bastard! Give it back to me!"

The girl named Aqua desperately tried to reach for her stolen booze with tears in her eyes.

"No way! You always cause trouble whenever I'm not looking! By the way, you're supposed to be at Alcanretia for a week. What are you doing here, anyway? And how did you get in the backyard without us noticing?"

"Well, actually-"

Aqua-san approached Satou-san and whispered something to him…

* * *

 **Kazuma.**

"Actually, Eris appeared before me on my way to Alcanretia and told me what happened. She told me that the council tasked us to watch over these guys."

Useless she may be, she's still a goddess. I guess the council decided to let her do her job even though she's stuck in this world.

"Anyway, it's really unfair! Eris gets to lazily sit on the desk while observing everyone while I had to watch them here? I'm not a chaperone or something!"

If only she knew that her junior is working hard in her own way as the thief named Chris.

"Wear something else! It's embarrassing to see myself in the pool just wearing a baby bra and black panties!"

"I told you, I only found black-laced in your closet-aru. Besides, only baby bra goes well with these kind of breasts-aru."

Looks like Megura and Kagumin are fighting again. Ever since the switching that occurred last night, those two only had three occasional ceasefires that when added together would just be fifteen minutes.

And now the fight has resumed.

Usually, their arguments are abou how to properly take care of each other's bodies.

"You're the one to talk! Only baby bra goes well with yours too!"

"Check my body, my bust size is bigger than yours! And if you look at the Timeskip Arc and the second movie, you'll see that my rack will only get bigger-aru! Mwahahahaha!"

"W-W-Well, I'm just a late bloomer! In a year or two, my body will be more alluring than Darkness'!"

Eh? Is she serious?

I looked at the Crimson Demon's petite body and observed her from head to toe.

A smirk appeared on my face as the mental image of Megumin with a body similar to Darkness'.

"Kazuma, if you're thinking nasty things about my body again, I swear I'm going to make you explode!"

"Explode, huh? Speaking of which, I wonder how many times you popped into my mind before when my lower half was chanting explosion magi—Oi, Megumin! I was just kidding so stop chanting already!"

Thankfully, Megura stopped chanting and regained her composure.

"Ohh~~! So that's what it is! You two had something for each other-aru! Hehehe!"

Kagumin gave us a mischievous look on her face.

It was responded by Megura who said.

"It's true. Our relationship is somewhere beyond friends but not yet lovers. It's the kind of relationship where we would share a bath together and sleeping with each other."

This damn kid just dropped the bomb! Anyway when did we agree on the 'somewhere beyond friends but not yet lovers' part? That wasn't supposed to happen until Volume 11's epilogue!

"So you and Dacchan had the same relationship status with this guy?"

"Dacchan?"

"It's the M in your party-aru. She and Zuma also shared a bath and were in the same bed once, right-aru?"

Zuma janai, Kazuma da!

This brat gave me a nickname before I knew it!

"Call me with that name again, and I'll use Steal on you!"

I threaten the Yato girl in Megumin's body by showing my hands the same way I did when I threaten the girls who tags along with Mitsurugi.

"Kazuma! Don't you dare steal my panties if you don't want to face my explosion magic! And the one who'll be embarrassed the most will be me since that is my body!"

Megura stood between me and Kagumin.

"Step aside Megumin! Or do you want to be embarrassed in that body as well?"

The red-haired girl in a witch attire took a step back.

Then, I felt an uppercut that flew me into the air and a high jump kick that sent me directly into the pool's floor.

"Oi, what's the deal with you bastards!?"

I immediately found out that the ones who did this to me was actually Gintoki and Shinpachi standing at the pool's edge and looking at me with disgust.

"She may be a brat, but our precious heroine is off limits."

"May it be where body or soul or both, if you lewd our Kagura-chan, you will face the wrath of Yorozuya!"

The father instincts of these two have been activated! I'll only add fuel to the flame if I fought them back!

"Gin-chan! Shinpachi!"

With teary eyes, Kagumin ran and hugged them.

Seeing her comrades defending her and calling her precious touched her heart.

"Brat, get off us! What would strangers say if they saw us being hugged by a girl wearing only her panties?!"

"Ow!"

Gintoki smacked her head and the three stood up.

"Oh, that reminds me. Kagura-chan, you should get dressed. Aneue gave me a piece of paper that was given to her by the receptionist lady, saying that we had a job to do."

Shinpachi took out a piece of paper from his pocket and showed it to his teammates.

"As expected of Anego! Yorozuya Gin-chan is back on business-aru!"

Kagumin's crimson eyes glowed with enthusiasm and tried to grab the paper.

"Hmm… I see. The quest may be a bit boring, but the reward is okay."

Gintoki read the paper as well.

I got curious at what their quest is so I took the paper and read it. It seems that Kagumin was curious as well and was reading it beside me.

 _-Recruiting Adventurers to deliver my goods to the Capital's castle for me. Requirement: Any adventurers but Freelancers will do, specifically ones with their own carriage. Reward will depend on the amount of damages done to the (_ _castle)_ _goods, but the highest will be 3 million Eris each._

This must be a quest from a merchant. Though I had a strange suspicion towards it.

First of all, why would these goods be delivered to the castle instead of another merchant in the city? And it seems that the one who made this quest was very tired when he wrote it. He accidentally wrote castle instead of goods. Lastly, the reward money is a bit high.

Anyway, this could be a chance to meet Iris again so I'll ask them to tag me along.

"Um… Are you guys sure about this? The road to the capital is far, so you're going to need someone who knows the capital very well. Thankfully, you got one right here!"

I stood proudly in front of them and announced that I would join them.

"I'm tagging along as well. You see, Kazuma has lolicon tendencies towards the princess there so I cannot allow him to see her."

Megura said as she glared at me with those blue eyes.

This damn kid!

Is she jealous of Iris or something?

"Kazuma! Iris is preparing to go to the neighboring country to meet with the prince there, so I will not allow you to interfere with her! If you still insist on going, I will have to go with you as well!"

Darkness protested.

"Well, since the quest has a huge bounty, I shall join as well."

Aqua puffed her chest and said those words out loud.

The silver-haired samurai sighed and scratched his head.

"It can't be helped. I guess it's fine to bring you guys as well. After all, the quest states that the reward is 3 million Eris each."

-Few hours later, after having our lunch…

We went to the guild to tell the receptionist onee-san that we will be taking the quest.

This quest has seven participants; Gintoki, Shinpachi, Aqua, Darkness, Megumin and Kagura who are still in each other's bodies, and me.

We went to the old merchant who has the hairstyle of the ones from Edo.

He explained that since his horse died a week ago, he cannot deliver the goods to the Capital.

After that, we placed at least twenty boxes at the wagon that was attached to Sadaharu.

We don't know what's inside those boxes but the merchant told us not to open them as they are very sensitive when exposed to air. A large piece of cloth was used to cover the goods so they would not be noticed by bandits easily.

We left the town an hour later. All of us except Kagumin, who is riding Sadaharu, are sitting at the wagon along with the load.

Three hours later, we are at a barren wasteland. Sadaharu showed signs of slowing down but we're fine with it.

"By the way, what class do you guys belong to?"

The journey was a quiet one so I decided to break the silence by asking these three that was bothering me ever since I met them.

Judging by their status as samurai back at their world, I assumed that they would have a Swordsman class.

"Class? Oh you mean this?"

Gintoki and Shinpachi showed me their cards at the same time.

"Ne, Aqua. What's a 'Freelancer' class?"

It's the first time I heard of this kind of job so I turned to the one who, while usually useless, knows how this world works the most.

"The Freelancer Class is one of the rarest jobs in this world. It's basically the same as your Basic Adventurer, but with higher stats. They can learn any skills better as well. Because of that, they can accept any quests no matter what the requirement was."

Great, now I'm jealous.

Though it does make sense. After all, Yorozuya Gin-chan is a freelancer business that accepts all kinds of services from finding a lost cat to exterminating pests.

"Don't you think it's strange? The Freelancer class was banned a long time ago because they would hog all the quests, leaving the other adventurers nothing. So as time passed, only a few people know about the job."

Megura joined the conversation.

"Seriously? Then, might we get arrested if the authorities found out about us?"

Shinpachi panicked after hearing what Megura said.

"I heard from my mother before that since only a few people know how to get the job these days, the ban was lifted. So there's nothing to worry about."

As expected of the Crimson Demons, they are very knowledgeable about these kinds of things.

"Ahh! Gin-chan, there are bandits up ahead-aru!"

Our conversation was interrupted by Kagumin who pointed at a cloud by the horizon.

Using my 'Farsight' Skill, I saw a large group of bandits on horses charging towards our direction. Their numbers must be close to a hundred!

"Everyone, get ready! Darkness, guard the rear just in case! Megumin start chanting your explosion magic! Kagura, hold on to Sadaharu! Aqua, give Sadaharu speed buff! As for Gintoki and Shinpachi-"

"There's no need to tell us. We just standby and be ready to fight right?"

I nodded at the two who were smiling with determination. Everyone went on their own assignments.

I waited for the right moment, and by the time the bandits were at the good distance—

"Megumin! Now!"

"Explosion-!"

But nothing happened.

"Kazuma, this is bad! My explosion magic is not working!"

Of all times, why now?!

Gunshots were heard from the front.

"Move aside, you bastards!"

Kagumin is firing bullets from her umbrella.

But it's no use, the bandits are still advancing towards us.

At this rate, our only choice is to go back.

Perhaps Kagumin know this as well, so she had Sadaharu turn the other way-

"Oi, what are you doing, Kagura!"

-and jumped to face the bandits.

"Sadaharu, get the wagon to a safe place-aru!"

What is that girl thinking?! She's being reckless!

"Darkness, back her up!"

The blonde crusader followed my orders and went into a defensive stance to protect Kagumin.

Kagumin then looked around and found a large boulder and tried to lift it.

"Hrggnnn! Gin-chan I can't lift this boulder-aru! I can't feel my Yato strength-aru!"

"Tsk. Shinpachi! Take Kagura with you, I'll take care of this bandits!"

Gintoki ran to replace Kagumin who was being taken by Shinpachi.

That's when it hit me. When Megumin and Kagura exchanged bodies, they didn't bring their stats and skills with them. Right now, the one with the explosion magic was Kagura and the one with the super strength was Megumin.

I asked Megura who's watching the fight beside me if I could take a look at her card. It states that her name is Kagura and all her stats match the physical characteristics of the Yato.

This could work!

After confirming something and making modifications to the card, I gave it back to Megura.

"Megumin, I want you to use your explosion magic one more time!"

"But, Kazuma! Explosion doesn't seem to work as long as I'm in this body!"

"Trust me, just do it!"

Megumin started chanting once again.

Shinpachi and Kagumin returned to the carriage.

"Darkness! Gintoki! Get out of there! Megura's about to use her explosion magic!"

I noticed that there were at least twenty knocked out bandits around Gintoki. He threw one of them towards the rest as a diversion and both him and Darkness ran towards us.

As expected from a veteran samurai who fought countless battles in his youth.

By the time they reached a safe distance, I looked at Megumin and gave her the signal.

"Foolish bandits! Before you is I, Megumin! Number one mage in Axel, an archwizard that uses explosion magic, the one who will bring you to your doom! Take this, EXPLOSION!"

The tip of her staff shone, and a beam shot straight to the advancing group of bandits.

A large explosion with a deafening roar and a huge wind blast burst forth in the middle of the group that stopped them from advancing.

"OIIII! WHAT WAS THAT?! YOU ACTUALLY HAD THIS KIND OF FIREPOWER?! WHO ARE YOU, MICHAEL B*Y'S ILLEGITIMATE DAUGHTER?!"

Looks like it wasn't only the bandits who were shocked by Megura's explosion. Gintoki started ranting about Megumin's explosion magic.

To make things clear, I took advantage of Kagura's special class to have her learn Megumin's magic. Because of Megumin's memories, the skill appeared on Kagura's card. I noticed that she had many skill points so I used some to have her learn explosion.

"Haha! My Explosion magic can't be matched by anyone. I am the greatest archwizard who could use such a great skill."

We haven't realized it at first, but the one who said those words was the crimson-eyed girl with short black hair lying face down on the ground.

"I'm back to normal! But I used my explosion in Kagura's body so why is this body the one without the mana?"

I seem to get the gist of the situation. They may have exchanged bodies, but the mana they would spend while in that body would be from their original body.

"What's with this group?! Get them!"

It looks like some of the bandits still want to go after us.

"Get ready to feel my wrath now that my strength has returned-aru!"

Cracking her fist, Kagura made an evil grin.

"Oi! Kagura-chan! What do you think you're doing!"

Picking up one of those heavy boxes with one arm, she threw it to the bandits with full force.

That's what they're after you know!

When the box crashed to the ground a beeping sound was heard—

-And was followed by a large explosion.

All of us stood there dumbfounded.

"Um… Kagura, did you just used the explosion magic?"

"Gin-san, I believe the explosion magic came from the box."

We all turned our heads to the other boxes and opened one of them.

Inside were a dozen metallic balls with a timer on it.

"Kazuma, didn't we saw one of these things before?"

Megumin, who I used Drain Touch to have enough strength to get up, said to me as she picked one of these things.

The quest description flashed into my mind.

 _-Reward will depend on the amount of damages done to the_ ** _castle)_** _goods—_

I see, so the reward will not depend on the amount of damaged goods, but on the damages done to the castle…

Taking one of the bombs, Gintoki threw it to the bandits.

"That damn Zura! Involving us in a smuggling operation! Next time we meet, he will not only get a kick in the groin, that bastard!"

I picked one of the bombs and threw it to them as well.

* * *

 **Megumin.**

"I WILL KILL THAT BARSTARD WHO TRIED TO HAVE ME KILL MY LITTLE SISTER!"

Kazuma followed the white-haired guy and threw as many of those balls as possible.

These things were the same ones the long-haired person used last night.

I got curious and picked one of these things and looked at it very carefully.

This small thing can really imitate my great explosion magic?

No, this is nothing but a fraud, just like those dyna-something Kazuma made before.

Out of my frustration, I threw it towards the bandits as well.

* * *

 **Darkness.**

"THIS- THIS THING IS NOTHING BUT A FRAUD! I WILL NOT ACCEPT THE EXISTENCE OF SUCH AN ABOMINATION!"

Megumin threw one of the bombs at the bandits and by that point around half of the group were already wiped out.

I followed their example and picked one of these strange metallic balls.

Just the idea of having one of these things blowing up in my face makes me breath heavily.

So I pressed the button and it exploded right in my face

It feels very good~~!

I suddenly had an urge to have more so I joined the bandits that were being bombarded by the Kazuma and the others as well.

* * *

 **Aqua.**

I got nothing to say so I'll just throw these things.

* * *

 **Shinpachi.**

"OI! HAVE MERCY AT THE BANDITS! THEY'RE ALREADY RUNNING FOR THEIR LIVES! AND WHY IS ONE OF OUR TEAMMATES BEING BOMBARDED AS WELL?! AND WHAT'S UP WITH THE LAST POV?! IF YOU HAD NOTHING TO SAY, DON'T NARRATE AT ALL!"

* * *

Kagura: Calm down Shinpachi, if you're angry just throw all of it at them-aru! And if you don't like the format, just change it. It's not yet too late-aru!

* * *

 **Shinpachi.**

"NOT THIS AGAIN! IT'S TOO LATE! THAT NARRATION STYLE WAS SCRAPPED THREE CHAPTERS AGO! CAN'T WE HAVE AT LEAST ONE CHAPTER WITHOUT ANY FORM OF FOURTH WALL BREAKING?!"

"SHUT UP, YOU TWO! DESTROY ALL OF THESE BOMBS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GET ARRESTED!"

Gin-san screamed at us while continuing his barrage at the bandits.

"We surrender! We surrender! Just stop with the explosions already!"

One of the bandits kneeled and asked for mercy—

Only to get blasted by a bomb detonated by Kagura-chan.

"No way we'll let you surrender-aru!"

"If we take you to the authorities, you'll probably tell them about us smuggling dangerous objects to the capital and have us arrested as well!"

Gin-san and Kagura-chan has a point though, so I picked up an object from the box, observed it carefully, and then threw it away.

* * *

 **Kazuma.**

"WHY IS THERE A JUSTAWAY AMONG THESE SPHERICAL BOMBS!"

Shinpachi threw something cylindrical at the group of bandits which caused a larger explosion than the bombs we were throwing.

Anyway, aren't you supposed to be the sane one here?! You're supposed to lecture us! Why are you joining us as well?!

"Explosion!"

Megumin shouted as she threw two bombs at the bandits. What a hypocrite, saying that she hates things that imitate explosion magic but is now enjoying herself by throwing those bombs as well.

I was about to throw another bomb when we all felt the ground trembling.

Behind the group of bandits was an enormous snake that rose from the ground. It had a golden brown skin that could provide a camouflage in this desert wasteland.

The monster was so large that one would think that it was one of the Kowloon Hydra's heads.

"RETREAT! EVERYBODY, RETREAT!"

I ordered everyone, including the bandits to run away.

"Sadaharu, let's go-aru!"

The white dog ran at full speed.

Because of Aqua's buff, our speed can probably be compared to that of a Lizard Runner.

I looked behind us and saw that the large snake is still after us.

It occasionally dived into the ground and would come out from it a little bit closer.

"It's the One-Head Hydra! We'll be able to deal with it easily if only I had enough mana for my explosion magic."

Megumin said something that made me ask questions.

"One-Head Hydra?"

Shinpachi asked Megumin.

"It's a type of Hydra with only one head and will die if you cut it off."

"THAT'S JUST A REGULAR SNAKE! A BIG-ASS REGULAR SNAKE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE NAMING SYSTEM OF THIS WORLD?!"

Shinpachi made a straight-man retort. I can't blame him, even I who had been living in this world for at least a year still find it stupid to call a humongous regular snake a Hydra.

"It's closing in on us! We need something hard to hit it! Though a sword would probably be useless!"

I shouted as the large snake is fast approaching.

"It's fine, I already found something hard-aru!"

I never expected this girl would find something to hit the One-Head Hydra in such a short amount of time.

"Here it goes! WOTTAAHH!"

Kagura spun around while carrying something familiar that was tied to a rope then threw it towards the snake. Something hard hit its eyes that made it hiss in pain.

Using the rope, the girl with Amazonian strength pulled the thrown object with her full strength.

"To think I will be used only as a tool~~ Please, use me more~~!"

I realized that the hard object Kagura used as a weapon against the huge snake was actually Darkness who seem to be enjoying this kind of treatment.

"WHY ARE YOU USING A PERSON AS WEAPON?! IF YOU'RE GONNA USE SOMETHING, USE YOUR HEAD INSTEAD!"

Gintoki shouted at Kagura who is still determined to use the brainless crusader as a weapon of choice.

As I stare at the monstrous Amanto swinging the giggling Darkness above her head, an idea suddenly struck me.

"Kagura! Darkness! Keep the One-Head Hydra at bay!"

Hearing my orders, Kagura

With this girl's strength, and Megumin's explosion, I'm sure we can defeat this thing!

"Shinpachi! Wrap the remaining boxes in the piece of cloth and secure it by using the other edge of the rope!"

"What are you planning to do?! Darkness-san is taking damage as we speak! Eh? She's happy? Just how much of a masochist is this woman?!"

"Just trust me on this! I have a plan that could rid us of both the snake and the bombs!"

After hearing my explanation, Shinpachi did as he was told.

I ran towards Megumin and touched the back of her neck.

Then, I turned to Aqua.

"Aqua, I need mana from Megumin!"

"No way! I'm not letting myself to be exposed by a Lich's spell!"

I swear I'm gonna kill this bitch!

"If you don't cooperate, I'm going to sell all of your booze back at the mansion!"

"Okay, okay! Just this once!"

Aqua finally cooperated and allowed me to transfer her mana to Megumin.

"Hehe! I never thought the day would come that I would be able to use two explosions in one day once again!"

Megumin puffed her flat chest which showed a slight development and was full of excitement.

"If you want to use two explosions in one day, increase your mana capacity!"

The crimson-eyed girl glared at me for saying such things. I will ask Kagura to do it the next time their bodies switched again.

"Oi, Zuma! Dacchan maybe enjoying it, but she's almost at her limit-aru!"

"Stop calling me Zuma! At this rate, I'm gonna pull a 'Zura janai, Katsura da!' on you!"

"Satou-san it's done!"

Shinpachi gave me a thumbs up.

"Okay! Megumin, if you think you had enough mana, then start chanting! Kagura, drop Darkness down and throw the load in her place!"

Kagura pulled Darkness back and Aqua treated her injuries. The red-haired Amanto went and lifted the load with ease. I spoke to Gintoki about something and we both went on standby.

After confirming that Megumin is ready to cast her strongest attack, I gave my party members the signal.

Kagura threw the bombs the same way she did at Darkness.

By the time the boxes touched the Hydra, I nodded at Megumin.

"EXPLOSION!"

The combined strength of the bombs and Megumin's explosion magic doubled the damage inflicted at the snake.

It's obvious that the monster won't go out easily so I made a backup plan.

As the smoke clears up, the One-Head Hydra noticed a small figure at the top of its head.

It was a man with a silver hair who wears his white kimono only at his left side.

At his right hand was a wooden katana with words written in Kanji meaning 'Lake Toya', which he raised up in the air and stabbed the fearsome snake with all his might without any hesitation.

This was the man who was once feared by his opponents. A man truly worthy of the title 'Demon'.

His name is Sakata Gintoki.

As I stood in awe at the great samurai before us, the golden snake let out its final breath.

* * *

 **Epilogue:**

 **Kazuma**

It was almost midnight by the time we reached Axel. Darkness, Shinpachi, Kagura and Aqua went to the guild to report the defeat of the One-Head Hydra.

As for the rest of us, we went back at the merchant's shop but as we had expected, he was already gone.

We decided to go back to the guild to meet with the rest of our group.

While on our way, Gintoki broke the silence and said while picking his ears.

"You did well, kid. You seem to be capable of becoming a great general."

Huh? Did a main character from a popular Jump series just praised me?

"If you were with us during the Joi Wars, things might have turned out very differently."

Suddenly, I noticed that while he was talking about the things I did earlier, his eyes seem that he was talking about somebody else.

By the time we arrived at the guild, the goddess of parties was already performing in front of the drunk adventurers.

One of them noticed us and shouted,

"Kazuma's here! Congratulations on subjugating the One-Head Hydra! Treat us some beer, okay!"

Before I was about to say something but my attention turned to Shinpachi who approached us. Next to him is Yunyun who seem to be very happy right now.

"Gin-san, great news! We may not have gotten the reward for the quest but since the bounty for the One-Head Hydra was 21 million Eris, the money that we got is still 3 million Eris each!"

"Well that calls for some celebration! Shinpachi, buy me some beer! We'll go all out tonight!"

Following Gintoki's errand, Shinpachi ran to the counter to buy some beer. Yunyun was about to follow him when Megumin grabbed her cape.

"Hey Yunyun, what's with that smile on your face? It's creeping me out."

Yunyun faced us and suddenly blushed.

"N-No it's just, someone just made friends with me."

"If it's Shinpachi, then he definitely has an agenda for becoming friends with you-aru!"

The one who said that was Kagura, who was eating a 5 feet long tail of the One-Head Hydra.

Judging by Yunyun's actions, I could say that she has a crush on Shinpachi.

"I see, so in order to compete with me, you sought out another virgin to be your man.

"Hey, are you calling me a virgin? Come to my room later and I'll have you take my chastity away!"

It was Megumin's turn to blush.

"What are you spouting in front of everyone?!"

I was about to say something back to her but I was interrupted when Shinpachi came back, bringing beer mugs with him.

As I sat with Shinpachi and Gintoki, I decided to made up my mind.

"Since you guys basically don't have a home yet, why don't you guys stay with us at the mansion?"

The two of them looked at each other and nodded.

"We would love to! Thank you for your generosity, Satou-san!"

After that, we drunk merrily all night.

Being with the Yorozuya this afternoon, I realized that the people of Edo being here with us for three months probably won't be so bad.

 **-Chapter 3 End-**

* * *

 **Chapter 4 Preview:**

 **Kazuma.**

What? Wiz has a secret admirer?

I wonder if it's one of those guys from Edo.

Anyway, it seems like a new shop just opened beside Wiz's shop.

But it looks like the shop owner there is scaring many people and the other nearby stores are losing their income!

Hey, even the succubus shop is affected!

I think it's time to teach this guy a lesson!

 **Next Time!**

 **Courting this Disastrous Shop Owner with Flowers from Another Planet!**


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: So the new Gintama anime season just came out today so I got super hyped that I finished this chapter! Anyway, if the some of the characters feel like out of character, just let me know! Well, I'll just leave the rest to the Yorozuya so I hoped you enjoyed this chapter!**

* * *

 **(Shows shot of the front side of Kazuma's mansion. A signboard with the words "Yorozuya Gin-chan Axel Branch" is hung above the door)**

 **Shinpachi:** This is a nice feeling, right? Gintama anime is back and we're finally finished with the Introduction Arc of this fanfiction, so now we can get on with the actual plot!

 **Gintoki:** Actual plot? What nonsense are you talking about, Shinpachi?

 **Shinpachi:** You know, the plot which involves the second part of the prologue? Where there was an injured Satou-san and a missing Megumin-san?

 **Gintoki:** Oh, that part? Yeah, that plot is not ready yet.

 **Shinpachi:** Eh? What do you mean by that, Gin-san?

 **Gintoki:** That plot was just a last minute idea the author thought of so the full plot of that story is not ready yet. Why do you think the original Part 2 of the prologue was moved to Chapter 1?

 **Kagura:** Well, Datu Kula should just forget about that plot and just use the prologue as a clickbait-aru!

 **Shinpachi:** We can't do that! We certainly can't do that! If we ask the readers, I bet that part was the one that hooked them into this fanfic in the first place!

 **Gintoki:** Exactly, we just need to use the prologue to get them hooked! Then we'll just continue being a comedy fanfic and make them forget that part 2 even exists!

 **Shinpachi:** Gin-san, you do realize that the readers can read this part as well, right? They won't be able to forget that part. It is the only part of this fanfic as of now that has a dark tone, you know!

 **Gintoki:** That's the point. That scene is too dark for us. Since both Konosuba and Gintama are comedy series, such a dark story just won't fit with the crossover fanfic.

 **Shinpachi:** EXCUSE ME, WE HAVE STORIES WITH DARK THEMES APPEARING EVERY NOW AND THEN, YOU KNOW! ARE YOU FORGETTING ABOUT THE BENIZAKURA, YOSHIWARA IN FLAMES, AND SHOGUN ASSASSINATION ARCS?!

 **Kagura:** Hey Shinpachi, the last arc you mentioned wasn't supposed to happen until a few weeks for us-aru!

 **Shinpachi:** DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!

 **Gintoki:** Let's ignore that matter for now. The true chapter hasn't even started yet and we already squandered more than 366 words.

 **Kagura:** So will the decision on whether the Prologue's part 2 depend on the author's future plans-aru?

 **Megumin:** Um… What are you guys talking about? And what did you do to the living room! Kazuma! Kazuma! These three did something to the living room!

 **Yorozuya Trio:** … …

 **Shinpachi:** Gin-san, this segment usually only involves just the three of us talking to each other, right? What is she doing here?

 **Kagura:** It's the author's way of saying that we should start the chapter already-aru.

 **Gintoki:** Man, what a pain. Oh well, let's start then!

* * *

 **Chapter 4: Courting this Disastrous Shop Owner with Flowers from Another Planet!**

 **Kazuma.**

"Kazuma… Wake up!"

It was still early in the morning when Megumin came to my room and woke me up.

"*Fuwahh~~*- Megumin, what's the matter?"

Doesn't this girl know the meaning of privacy?

"You have to see this! Kagura and the others, they…"

I lazily got off my bed and went to the living room.

It's been two days since the Yorozuya members Gintoki, Shinpachi, and Kagura moved into our mansion after I offered them my hospitality.

"So Megumin, what is it that you want… to show me?"

That's when I saw the horrific scene in front of me.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE LIVING ROOM?!"

This is a disaster, these three idiots made some major modifications to the living room.

Our couch was replaced by two less luxurious couches facing each other with a table in between.

The space in front of the couch was occupied by an office table with a lamp on top of it.

It was paired by a swiveling chair where a man with white messy hair was sitting while picking his ears and reading a Jump magazine.

Behind it was the fireplace where a large sign saying 'SUGAR CONTENT' was now plastered at the top side.

Kagura and Sadaharu have taken claim on the couch on the right while a sleeping self-proclaimed goddess has claimed the other.

Meanwhile, Shinpachi was cleaning the mansion as if we hired him as our maid.

From the looks of it, Yorozuya Gin-chan managed to recreate their office by making large modifications to our living room.

"Ah, Satou-san! It seems like you're finally awake! We forgot to tell you that we'll be borrowing your mansion for a while for business purposes until we could afford a new office."

Shinpachi, who was cleaning the floor using a vacuum cleaner, greeted me as if nothing weird was happening.

"BORROWING MY FOOT! IF YOU WANT AN OFFICE I'LL LEND YOU MONEY SO YOU GUYS COULD BUY ONE! WHERE DID YOU GET ALL THESE STUFF ANYWAY?! AND WHERE IS OUR ORIGINAL COUCH?!"

"Oh, no thanks, Satou-san. Gin-san still hasn't paid his rent back home so Otose-san insisted he must pay 80% of the money he'll be getting from doing quests. With those debts already, I don't want us to be a burden to you."

You bastards are already giving me a huge burden!

"As for the couch, we sold it along with the dining table in exchange for some of the things we owned back at Edo."

These guys really cause problems, don't they?

Wait.

Did he just reveal something very important right now?

"Shinpachi-kun, what did you do to the couch and the dining table, again?"

Going back to cleaning, he repeated what he had said earlier.

"We sold them."

Realizing that he made a mistake by spilling the truth, he looked at me with wide, horrified eyes.

I grabbed his collar in fury.

-Twenty minutes later, I am now sitting on the couch opposite of Shinpachi and Gintoki who was holding a box of strawberry milk.

As for the others, since Megumin wasn't involved in anything related to our situation, I had Aqua take her to an explosion stroll. Kagura was curious about it so she joined them as well.

Meanwhile, Darkness was called by her father because of an emergency situation, so she left yesterday and hasn't come back home since yesterday.

"So? Would you mind explaining why you sold our couch and dining table?!"

Shinpachi, who had just recovered from being strangled by me, explained everything.

-Because the 'gifts' that Gods always provide to the dead who were transported into this world can't accommodate all of the residents of Edo, all of them were instead given a special skill.

 _Gate of Babylo—I mean—Edo._

No, I that wasn't a slip of the tongue there, the _Babylo-I mean-_ is also part of its name.

It's works basically the same as that golden king's treasury except for one thing.

Let's make an example, Shinpachi wants to have his To Love-Ru collection or Gintoki wants to watch his p*rn DVDs—

"Oi, don't put us in the same boat as you."

"I'm just making an example! How are you even able to read my monologue, anyway?!"

-they have to sell something from this world in return.

The couch, the dining table, the fangs of the One-Head Hydra, 120 boxes of strawberry milk, and all of Aqua's wine bottles were sold to drag their couch, signboards, clothes, office set, television, refrigerator, vacuum cleaner and other miscellaneous like Jump magazine, sokunbo, and Otsu merch into this world.

Not including the fangs and the strawberry milk, weren't the ones they sold actually stolen from us?!

Because what they traded for the items were convenient to improve our living in this world and also because of the fact that it's been more than a year since I last saw this much modern technology, I decided to forgive them.

This skill of theirs is actually pretty amazing if you think about it.

The only downside of _Gate of Babylo—I mean—Edo_ is the fact that the only things that can be 'bought' from their personal treasury are those that they actually owned back in Edo.

"Anyway, why did you set up an office here? Adventurers from this world are basically wandering Yorozuya. If you wanted a job, you can just accept a quest at the guild."

Gintoki drank the milk and then answered my question,

"Going to the guild to find a quest is such a drag. Our way is better since we accept jobs that cannot be posted at the guild's bulletin. I mean, who would risk putting up a request to have someone's spouse investigated for adultery, for example?"

Even though that was just a lame excuse to his lazy attitude, he sure had a point.

"If you like, you can also join us as a part-timer or just to ease your boredom, Satou-san."

Shinpachi suggested.

"Well, it won't hurt to join you guys from time to time."

That was the decision I came up with.

Anyway, back home whenever I watch their series, I wonder how fun it would be to join Yorozuya Gin-chan.

So, one could consider this as a dream come true.

As I was lost in thought, a knock was heard from the front door.

If it were Aqua and the others, they would just open it without knocking.

So it could only mean one thing—

"Shinpachi, could it be our first client in this branch?"

Gintoki swiftly got up from the couch and excitedly charged to the front door.

But halfway there, he suddenly stopped.

"Gin-san, what's wrong?"

Shinpachi, like me, was curious about Gintoki's strange behavior.

"I'm sorry, can you two take care of the client… my stomach… is killing me…"

As Gintoki said those words, foul air suddenly filled the room.

"I TOLD YOU THAT UNREFRIGERATED MILK WILL SPOIL SO EASILY! GO TO THE TOILET AND RELIEVE US WITH THIS INTOLERABLE SMELL!"

Shinpachi scolded Gintoki who slowly walked to the restroom in pain.

The knocking continued so I went and opened the front door myself.

Before us—

"Mwahahaha. What a lovely day, is it not? It seems like thou had made quite a business in thy house!"

-was a devil in a mask who joyfully entered our home.

"Hmm? Boy, is this a new invention of thee? Interesting for thou to model an eyeglass stand in an image of a virgin. Though moi would like to point out one thing, thy stand would sell better if it was not too bland."

Vanir said while observing Shinpachi as if he was inspecting a new product I made.

"W-Welcome to Yorozuya Gin-chan! We accept any kinds of requests and services! My name is Shimura Shinpachi. Our boss is currently not available, but I will ensure that Satou-san and I will attend to your request."

Instead of doing a straight-man retort, Shinpachi controlled himself and made a polite introduction.

"Thou who hast become moi business partner, thou had made an excellent glasses stand that talks! It will be expensive, but it will definitely sell!"

Vanir continued to unknowingly insult Shinpachi who is about to snap.

Before a commotion could start, I patted Shinpachi's shoulder and faced Vanir.

"He's not a new invention, he's one of those newcomers from my country. By the way, what are you doing here?"

I ask him as we sat on the couch with me and Shinpachi facing Vanir at the opposite couch.

"Moi hast received word from the blessed-at-the-chest Crimson girl that three strange fellows hast started a shop that takes any jobs for a price in thy mansion. So moi hast decided to take a visit before that disgrace of a goddess comes back."

"Urghhh!"

While Vanir was answering my question, a sound of despair was heard at the restroom.

"Though, moi may have a request for these odd fellows that they might be able to solve."

The mask devil's tone became that of someone troubled. I usually saw him like this whenever Wiz's bad habits acted up again.

"What is it, Vanir? Did Wiz buy some items again?"

Shinpachi tilted his head.

"Is there some kind of problem with that, Satou-san?"

Shinpachi, feeling out of place, turned to me for answers.

"Wiz is the owner of the item shop where Vanir here is working. She has this problem where she keeps buying magic items for her to sell that are either useless or too expensive for the beginning adventurers in this town."

"I see, so it really is troubling. So, is your request related to her, Vanir-san?"

Vanir placed his hand to his chin and was in deep thought.

"I think moi will have to say yes and no."

Shinpachi and I listened as Vanir told his story.

"It all started four days ago… A new shop opened just beside Wiz's. Ever since then, fewer and fewer people passed down the street. Moi believes that the cause of this was the despicable owner of that new shop."

"And why is that?" I asked.

"That shop owner is causing fear to the potential customers. If this goes on, Axel's economy would go down. If thou could resolve this issue, a hefty price shalt be rewarded as a payment!"

The masked devil stood up and quickly proceeded to the door and stopped.

"Before I shalt take moi leave, I will leave a divination for thou: a man feared by many and a woman liked by many, help in expressing their feelings and thou shalt be rewarded tenfold!"

After leaving us some cryptic words, Vanir left the mansion.

"Ugh… My stomach still hurts a bit…"

Gintoki came back from the restroom still holding his stomach and his face was purple.

"Gin-san, are you alright?"

"Yeah, after I released some of my load, I feel much better."

Shinpachi then explained the request we got from Vanir.

Just for a second, Gintoki froze but immediately went back to normal.

Was there something about what Shinpachi told him that troubled him?

"So what we have to do is to get that shop owner to move? This is going to be a pain!"

Gintoki sat down his chair and propped his feet on the top of the table while scratching his head.

Just when the silver-haired samurai returned to reading his Jump, another knock was heard at the front door.

"I'll get it."

I volunteered and proceeded to the door.

"Gin-san, why do get a sinister feeling towards that knock?"

Shinpachi told Gintoki.

"It's probably just your imagination."

I was staring at those two when I opened the door, so I was surprised to see the horror in their faces when they looked at the figure behind me.

Slowly moving my gaze to the person at the door, I finally understood why those two were horrified.

The person in front of me was a large muscular green man who had two huge horns at the side of his head and small pointy teeth.

His long thick dark brown hair resembles that of a lion's mane and his red bloody eyes not like (or not unlike?) Megumin's that stare deep into your soul.

He stared at me for a second and looked at the terrified duo behind me.

" _ **It's been some time, Yorozuya-san. Remember me? It's me, your neighbor, Hedoro.**_ "

The air around the house became thick because of the dangerous aura that he emits.

From the looks of it, someone scarier than any Demon King General made a visit at my home!

* * *

 **Shinpachi.**

H-H-HEDORO HAS ARRIVED!

WHY IS HE HERE?!

 _(Shinpachi) Gin-san! What is this guy doing here?!_

 _(Gintoki) Beats me! But him being here also makes sense!_

 _(Kazuma) What do you mean by that?! Anyway, you guys, help me with this!_

 _(Gintoki) Don't get us involved in this! You're the owner of this house, make him leave!_

 _(Kazuma) You bastard! Do you want to be evicted from my house?! Anyway, why is our conversation in italicized form?_

 _(Gintoki) We're having a comedic telepathy! It allows us to read each other's thoughts and have a conversation with each other every time we're in trouble, but that's not the issue right now!_

" _ **Excuse me.**_ "

Eh?

 _(Shinpachi) HOLD ON! SATOU-SAN, WHY IS HE ALREADY SITTING ON THE COUCH!_

 _(Kazuma) I DON'T KNOW! I WAS PROBABLY TOO TERRIFIED TO NOTICED HIM PASSING BY!_

 _(Gintoki) SHINPACHI! TEA! TEA! GIVE HIM TEA BEFORE HE DESTROYS US!_

I hurried to the kitchen and made some tea as quickly as possible.

* * *

 **Kazuma.**

My legs are shaking.

The scariest character in Gintama made a debut at the mansion!

-Hedoro.

What is the flower shop owner of Edo and a member of the Dakini Tribe doing here at my house?!

-Wait, shop owner?

" _ **It's nice meeting you here, Yorozuya-san. I was happy when I saw the ad you posted at the guild's bulletin board.**_ "

 _(Gintoki) No, it's never nice meeting you here or even anywhere! Please, I beg of you, somebody make this guy leave!_

Hedoro bowed his head to Gintoki who is now sitting with me on the couch.

This monster was a shop owner back at Edo.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Please just let it be a bad feeling!

" _ **Actually, I came here for a request.**_ "

Please! I don't want to get involved in another troublesome situation!

" _ **You see, immediately after I came to this world, I decided to set up my shop beside a magic item shop.**_ "

I-I-I-IT WAS YOU ALL ALONG?!

Suddenly, I noticed that the large and terrifying monster became flustered.

" _ **The reason I came here is because… is because… I think I'm in love with the magic item shop's owner.**_ "

Something important suddenly revealed itself before us! He's saying that he's in love with his neighbor?!

I remembered Vanir telling us about the shop owner beside them that was scaring the people passing by and they're losing more and more potential customers!

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

I covered my ears to escape reality.

Please! Don't say it! I beg of you, Eris-sama! Buddha! God! Zelretch-sama! Datu Kula! Don't let him say the words I don't want to hear!

Don't make it be who I think she is?!

"H-Hedoro-san here's t-tea for you!"

Shinpachi walked towards Hedoro at a fast pace—

-Then, it happened so fast. Shinpachi flew three meters by Hedoro's punch and crashed at my favorite chair!

My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair. My chair.

 _(Gintoki) Oi! Never mind the chair, Shinpachi is bleeding right now!_

" _ **That was close. You almost stepped on this little ant. All lifeforms should be treated nicely, you know.**_ "'

The Dakini picked up the small ant gently. I was too dumbfounded at the events that I forgot to cover my ears, allowing me to hear his confession.

" _ **Anyway, her name is Wiz.**_ "

…Eh...?

Did this guy say something while I was lost in my own thoughts?

" _ **Yorozuya-san, please help me get close to her or even get her to talk to me! I would love to do it myself, but I'm too shy to approach her!**_ "

… …

My mind went blank and I couldn't say anything at all.

* * *

 _ **Three hours later…**_

 **Kazuma.**

"Are we really going to do this?"

"We have no choice, Satou-san. Hedoro-san is our client after all so we have no choice but to do this."

Hiding in an alley where we can see Wiz's shop, Gintoki, Shinpachi, and I observed Hedoro who was about to enter the item shop.

I temporarily replaced Kagura as the Yorozuya member since she and the others weren't home yet.

"But we also accepted another request that wants Hedoro out. What's worse is that the client is the assistant of the very shop Hedoro's visiting."

Gintoki said while gazing at the shop.

"Well, Vanir just said that we should resolve this issue. Maybe if we fulfill Hedoro's request, people will be less scared of him if they saw him being good friends with Wiz."

"That's a good point, Satou-san. It will be two birds in one stone!"

"You said that this Wiz is a lich, right? Then that means…"

"AHHH! HEDORO'S PLANNING TO BE THE NEW DEMON KING BY HAVING A LICH-DAKINI HYBRID CHILDREN WITH WIZ! WHY DIDN'T I REALIZE IT BEFORE?!"

"Oi, calm down! Hedoro is not that type of guy! You shouldn't judge the book by its cover."

"Says the guy who tried to attack him for self-preservation at episode 47."

"I thought he was planning to invade the planet!"

"Then that's not judging the book by its cover?!"

"Quiet, you two! By the way, don't you think it's strange that the neighborhood is too silent?"

I noticed that the street was awfully quiet by the time we arrived here.

It's only been a few days since Hedoro set up his shop.

Even though the guy was scary, he shouldn't be able to turn the street into a ghost town in such a short time.

If you think about it, Kabuki District didn't become like this when Hedoro opened his shop there even if we add the fact that his flowers caused a bad hay fever epidemic all over Edo at that time.

Speaking of which, the Dakini kept making glances at us every time he took a step.

Just as he was about to reach for the door knob, it was opened by none other than Wiz herself.

"Oh, welcome to Wiz's Magic Tool Shop! How can I help you?"

All of us, including Hedoro, were shocked at Wiz who only smiled instead of getting scared at the Dakini before her.

"Shinpachi, is it okay if we ditch Hedoro's request and just do only that Vanir guy's request? If Hedoro's out of the picture, I can solo the shop owner."

"WE'RE NOT DOING THAT! IT'S OUR FIRST TWO JOBS IN THIS WORLD AND YOU WANT TO ABANDON ONE BECAUSE YOU WANT TO PRIORITIZE YOUR CAVEMAN INSTINCTS?!"

"Oi you two. Keep it down!"

We continued observing Hedoro and Wiz.

" _ **N-Nice to meet you. I-I'm your neighbor, Hedoro…**_ "

The horned monster nervously greeted Wiz and bowed down.

"So, you're the owner of the newly opened flower shop?"

" _ **Y-Yes. I-I apo-po-po-pologize! I-I-I j-ju-just want t-t-t-t-to gre-greet m-m-m-my n-neighbors!**_ "

Hedoro needs to calm down!

"I see, you are a great neighbor, Hedoro-san. Would you like to come inside for a cup of tea?"

Wiz said as she made a gentle smile at Hedoro.

Anyway, is this girl oblivious to the fact that the person she is talking to is not a normal one?

Is it because she is an undead?

"This is great! Hedoro-san finally got to talk to Wiz-san!"

Shinpachi said.

"But we didn't do anything. He hired us as his wingman, but we ended up becoming as stage mothers."

Well, we did give him advice and we are just here as a backup in case Hedoro fails.

But from the looks of it, we may not be needed at all.

"I see, so that is thy plan? To pair up the disastrous shop owner to the one destroying this town's economy?"

""Wahh!""

We jumped.

Vanir was behind us all along and we didn't notice him approaching.

Once again, Gintoki had a horrified look at his face for a second and was followed by a strong kick.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SNEAKING UP ON US LIKE THAT?!"

The masked devil flew into the air but landed safely.

"Mwahahahaha! If thou found moi surprising, then thou probably have not realized that some adventurers art watching the scene as well."

"?"

I looked around the streets. Using my Farsight skill, I noticed that there is a huge number of adventurers hiding everywhere, all eyes at Wiz's Magic Tool Shop.

"Oi, Ge- I mean, Vanir, isn't it? What's happening here?"

Gintoki glared at the masked devil who only smiled and handed us a piece of paper.

"Wait, this is-?!"

 _-Subjugate the demonic entity that resides at the newly opened flower shop, reward will be notified soon once the identity of the monster becomes certain._

Those guys!

Fear and paranoia had them to believe that Hedoro is a member of the Demon King Army!

Well, while he isn't actually one, the person he wants to talk to is a Demon King General!

Just as Hedoro was about to go inside to follow Wiz, all the adventurers went out of hiding and charged at the flower shop owner.

The swordsmen were the ones to charge. Behind them are the mages and healers acting as backup while the archers are preparing to fire their arrows.

"The monster has bad plans for Wiz-san! Take him down!"

Hedoro saw the charging men and got scared. He ducked and covered his head with his hands and braced himself from the attack.

Just as three adventurers were about to hit the poor Dakini with their swords, a sound of clashing metals froze them in their tracks.

""!""

The reason for this is because my sword with a shameful name blocked one of the adventurer's sword.

The same can also be said about the other two who tried to slash Hedoro because Shinpachi and Gintoki repelled their attacks.

"Gya, Gya, Gya, Gya! You guys are too noisy! Are (who is?) in heat or something? Sorry, but we already called dibs on this guy here!"

" _ **Y-Yorozuya-san!**_ "

Hedoro looked at Gintoki in awe.

"Don't worry, Hedoro-san. With us around, you will be able to have a nice chat with Wiz!"

One of the archers on the roof, Keith, aimed his bow at us.

He's the one who taught me my 'Snipe' skill.

"Kazuma, what are you doing?! This thing is dangerous! Why are you protecting him?!"

Since I am famous here in Axel, most of the adventurers present here are confused at my actions right now.

"I'm sorry, guys. But this guy is our client, so I can't allow him to die!"

I replied while making a defensive stance.

"To think that Satou Kazuma, the one who has defeated many Demon King Army Generals would aid a demon in exchange for money."

I smiled after hearing those words from one of the adventurers surrounding us.

"You guys are wrong. I'm not doing this for money. I'm just helping a hopeless single man get close to his crush."

I pointed my katana, Chuunchuunmaru, at the adventurers.

"Right now, I am not the adventurer Satou Kazuma who defeated many Demon King Generals nor the billionare Satou Kazuma who treats the guild after a good quest!"

Raising my voice for everyone to hear, I announced.

"I am Yorozuya Gin-chan's newest member, Satou Kazuma! If anyone here tries to attack this shop owner, you'll have to go through us!"

Everyone had a troubled look on their faces but immediately made an offensive stance.

It's funny. Even when facing all these guys, all we did was smile.

"Oi, Oi, we're not even hiring people and you just announced that you're my employee? I'm starting to believe that you really are just after the money."

"Heh, don't worry about that stuff, I'm just a temporary member after all. Besides, I'm a billionaire. I don't need small payment like that."

"That's the spirit, Satou-san. You won't get any salary from this guy who spends his money at pachinko at day and alcohol at night, anyway."

One of the adventurers who were silent right now suddenly shouted,

"Kazuma-kun is now a member of the Demon King Army! Don't hesitate to attack them!"

With that order, all of the adventurers charged at us at the same time.

I know my sword skills are lower than these two samurai, but with the same style I used at the castle raid back then, there's a chance I could go on par with them.

Facing the charging swordsmen, Gintoki jumped towards them and shouted,

"Bring it on, you sexless virgins! If you want to face a demon, then you got the Shiroyasha-"

Next thing we know, Gintoki was lying on the ground.

In his place was Hedoro with his fist in the air.

" _ **Yorozuya-san, be careful. You almost stepped on this poor snail."**_

"GIN-SAN!"

HEDOROOOO! WE'RE TRYING TO PROTECT YOU BUT YOU'RE ADDING FUEL TO THE FIRE!

"Kill him!"

This is bad! Shinpachi became distracted that he forgot about the charging adventurers!

I charged at the adventurers and went between them and Hedoro—

-I am in a familiar room.

Eris is in front of me.

"Kazuma-kun, don't worry. You're just knocked out. You can actually go there now."

"I'll be going then, Big Boss!"

And so I ran to the door—

-I woke up leaning on the wall.

Gintoki and Shinpachi are injured but are still determined to fight.

They must have been busy fighting these guys.

Huh? It's strange, none of the guys are injured.

Does that mean these two weren't able to land a hit at them?

I joined them and raised my sword.

An adventurer charged to my side.

"Hiyaah!"

I raised my sword to attack.

Just when I was about to land a hit—

-I am in the same room again.

Eris had a worried look on her face.

I tried to remember what happened back there but all I remember was seeing a butterfly passing by.

Noticing that the door is still there, I decided to run towards it.

"Let's talk another time, Eris-sama!"

-I woke up and noticed that the adventurers are shaking in fear.

Gintoki and Shinpachi are trying to lend me support.

I noticed that Hedoro was standing where I used to stand.

" _ **Be careful, Kazuma-san. You almost sliced a passing butterfly**_ "

That was when I realized that the cause of our injuries and my visits to Eris just now was the very Amanto we are protecting.

 _(Gintoki) Oi, we are trying to protect him! Why is he hitting us everytime we move a muscle?!_

 _(Kazuma) He's taking things too seriously! As if I'm gonna be able to use Tsubame Gaeshi at that butterfly anyway!_

 _(Shinpachi) By the way? Why are small creatures always getting in our way?! And you're supposed to have a high luck, so why are we unlucky right now?!_

 _(Kazuma) THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO ASK AS WELL!_

I started to take a step—

I am, for the third time today, in front of Eris.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

-I immediately reached for the door and woke up.

" _ **Be careful, you almost killed the passing cockroach.**_ "

Oh come on!

"W-What is with this guy?! He's too strong! And why is he only attacking his protectors?"

One of the adventurers exclaimed.

Catching my breath, I protected Hedoro in a defensive stance.

Gintoki said something while bleeding from his forehead.

"Haa… Haa… Shinpachi, Kazuma, these guys sure are tough!"

We agreed by nodding.

"Haa… Haa… You're right. But it doesn't mean we'll back down easily!"

I said.

"HEY! WHY ARE THESE THREE IDIOTS ACTING LIKE THEY HAD A TOUGH BATTLE WITH US?! ALL THEY DID WAS TO GET HIT BY THE DEMON'S ATTACKS!"

I noticed that over half of the adventurers were not there anymore. I saw one who left the scene with a bored expression on his face. They must have lost interest from watching the events before them.

Suddenly, a mosquito landed on my face-

-AGAIN?!

IT WAS JUST REFLEX TO SLAP A MOSQUITO WHEN THEY LAND ON YOU!

THAT WAS JUST A HUMAN'S NATURAL INSTINCT, HEDORO!

AND ERIS-SAMA IS CLOSE TO LAUGHING!

THAT'S IT!

WHEN I WAKE UP I'M GOING TO FORFEIT!

-"What happened here?"

I turned at the source of the voice as soon as I woke up.

Wiz is standing at the shop's door with her jaw dropped while holding a strange stick.

"It's Wiz!"

"Wiz-san is here!"

The adventurers whispered at each other.

I looked around me.

Gintoki's stuck on the wall and Shinpachi is knocked out at the ground.

"Ah, Kazuma-san. Are you alright?"

Wiz helped me get up.

I noticed that the item she was carrying was full of insects circling around it.

"Uh, Wiz… What is that?"

Despite of our situation, I asked Wiz on what the item was.

"Oh this? It's a new item I was planning to sell. It's a magic item that attracts all kinds of bugs when activated. They will get distracted by the stick and will be attracted towards it instead of doing what they have to do. They say that the range is at least 1 kilometer."

"SO THAT'S THE REASON FOR OUR BAD LUCK TODAY?! NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT IT, IT'S OBVIOUSLY A LAME EXCUSE ON THE AUTHOR'S PART! THINK OF A BETTER EXCUSE, YOU SHITTY AUTHOR!"

Shinpachi exclaimed.

"I was actually planning to give this to Hedoro-san since he likes to grows plants. When his flower shop first opened, I noticed that he was working hard to have his plants grow healthy but yesterday, his many of his plants died. I realized that the plants were being eaten by insects."

All of us, including the adventurers, were listening at Wiz's story.

"So I decided to buy these items behind Vanir so I could give one to Hedoro-san. With this, the insects that were destroying his flowers won't be able to pester him anymore."

We were all shocked at Wiz's actions.

She approached Hedoro and handed him the stick.

"I overheard you said that all life is precious. I can clearly see that you are the type of person who is against killing. With this, your flowers won't be destroyed and you don't have to kill those insects."

" _ **W-W-Wiz… -san…**_ "

Hedoro stare at Wiz in amazement. He bowed his head at the girl and said,

" _ **T-T-Thank you for your kindness, Wiz-san! A-Actually, I have something f-f-for you!**_ "

The girl in purple robes tilted her head.

"What is it, Hedoro-san?"

Hedoro took a beautiful flower from his display at his flower shop and handed it to Wiz

" _ **I-I want you to have t-this f-flower as my thanks for your k-kindness…**_ "

All the people stood there dumbfounded at Hedoro's sudden action.

"Thank you for this gift, Hedoro-san. I really like good and honest people like you."

Wait.

Did Wiz just…?

No, it can't be…

Seeing that Hedoro is not a threat anymore, all the adventurers present lowered their weapons.

Wiz's smile was contagious as the people around us started smiling as well.

"Um… H-Hedoro-san, was it? How much will I have to pay for this strange cactus?"

Rin, an acquaintance of mine, was the first one to approach Hedoro.

Seeing that she was in no harm's way, the most curious adventurers in the crowd started to inspect Hedoro's flowers.

-In just an hour, the street went back to the way it used to be.

Except for the fact that the most frequently visited shop is now Hedoro's shop.

Because Hedoro was scaring a lot of adventurers, most of them weren't able to buy items that they needed for their quests.

Now that the Dakini flower shop owner was proved to neither be the Demon King nor one of his underlings, a large number of adventures rushed to the shops to replenish their resources.

"I thank thee for thy efforts, Yorozuya! Now that for thy payment, thou shalt receive 300,000 Eris!"

Vanir emerged from Wiz's shop which had all of its items now sold out and announced our payment for the job.

"Oh, Vanir-san! We have new items for sale!"

Oh no.

"What didst thou say, thou disaster of a shop owner?"

Vanir, who was skipping just now, turned stiff.

Wiz, who was carrying another strange item, had her expression brighten up.

"Actually, a patron of mine from the Crimson Demon Clan sold me these high grade manatites just after you went outside to meet Kazuma-san! I bought them using all of the money we earned today!"

To buy more than a dozen expensive manatites in just a second, I feel pity for Vanir.

I mean, in this city of rookie adventurers, who would be able to afford such high grade items?

"Vanir, you can give us the payment later if you already have enough money. Besides, we already had Hedoro's payment so we're okay about it for now."

We bid our farewell to the part-timer devil who was about to unleash his signature move and to the undead shop owner who now regrets buying those items.

* * *

 **Shinpachi.**

"Eh? Is it true, Satou-san?!"

"It's true! In this world, that place is like heaven for us men!"

"So I'll just write the details on a piece of paper and the succubi-onee-sans will give me dreams of being in bed with Otsu-chan?!"

"That's right! You can sleep with any women you like without them even noticing it!

"Um… The way you said it sounds wrong, Satou-san."

After we left Wiz-san's shop, Satou-san made an offer that we visit his favorite shop in Axel.

The succubus shop.

It is a café that is open 24/7 and is quite popular among male adventurers.

The shop is operated by succubi, who provide services to men by giving them dirty dreams of any girl of their liking.

It's basically a dream version of Yoshiwara or a VR p*rn.

"I guess I should give it a try. What do you think of it, Gin-san?"

I turned to my back-

"Gin-san?"

-but the silver-haired samurai with dead fish eyes was nowhere to be found.

"Where is he?"

"Let's leave him be. Now that he had some money, he should be at the guild or other bars drinking."

I said as we continued our way.

* * *

 **Epilogue: The White Demon and the Masked Devil.**

The town is painted in gold as the sun sets over the horizon.

Business went back to normal as the whole town accepted the new shopkeeper that almost destroyed their economy.

One of those businesses, Wiz's Magic Tool Shop, is now empty after all of their items sold out this afternoon.

The masked assistant, Vanir, is cleaning the empty shelves which was full of items just a few hours ago.

As he picked up the box of expensive manatites the shop owner bought literally the second he took his eyes off her, the shop door opened.

"Pardon moi. Wiz's Magic Tool Shop is now closed. Come back tomorrow if thou want to seek for an item. Or is it Wiz thou is looking for?"

The man who just entered the shop closed and locked the door.

"Don't worry, it's not an item nor a cute babe I'm after right now…"

A blast of wind blew through...

It was the thrust of a wooden sword aiming for the Masked Devil's face.

Using only two fingers, Vanir stopped the weapon that was about to kill him.

"May I ask, what have moi done for thee to release such an extreme killing intent?"

Vanir made a wide grin as he asked the question, but it's obvious that the grin is a fake one.

Even though he looked calm and confident on the outside, Vanir is struggling to keep the sword from reaching his face.

As a devil, the man in the mask survives by feeding negative emotions of others.

A warrior's intent to kill should only make him stronger, since it is a negative emotion.

But the killing intent of his attacker is different.

There is so much of it that he will overload if he feeds upon it.

Before him was not just an ordinary adventurer, but a dangerous demon clad in white.

The samurai answered calmly,

"Beats me. Maybe it's because you're still clinging on to _him_ , you goddamn demon."

Vanir could not understand, he tried to use his divination towards that man, but the only thing he could see is the deep anger within him.

Something is wrong.

"What's wrong? Can't see through me, huh? After all this time, you're still in there…"

The sword is pushing further between his fingers. This kind of strength is supposed to be easy for him to stop.

So why is this wooden sword hard to stop?

" _Genma_ "

The eyes behind the mask widened.

Just by saying _his_ name, all of the devil's strength faded away.

The sword goes straight for his head—

-and stopped just a centimeter away from his forehead.

The immense pressure of the wielder and the force of the thrust combined made the masked devil take a step back.

There was a moment of silence.

Suddenly, all of the silver-haired samurai's killing intent faded away.

Sheathing his sword and resting his right hand inside the left side of his kimono, he walked to the door as if nothing had happened.

Before reaching for the door, he stopped.

"If you don't want to go back to hell yet, make sure that neither Zura nor Takasugi finds out that _Kusaka Genma_ is still kicking within you."

-It has been a few minutes since the white-haired samurai with dead fish eyes left the shop.

The masked man, Vanir, after standing in that place for a minute, went back on his chores as if nothing happened.

As he picked up the garbage bags and brought them to the trash bin in the alley, he looked up above as _he_ reminiscent those old days with his teacher and friends.

The setting sun is now replaced by the starry night as the round moon rises from the east.

 **-Chapter 4 End-**

* * *

 **Please Teach Us! Ginpachi-sensei!**

 **Ginpachi-sensei.**

Okay, I never thought that we'll have a Ginpachi-sensei segment in this fanfic, but oh well.

Well, this question is from someone pen-named, _Stoplewdinglolis69_.

'I was just wondering about something. At what part of Konosuba's story did Gin-san and the others got transported to this world?'

To answer your question, it was sometime between Volume 09 to Volume 10. Those of you who only watched the anime will have to read the LNs or wait until Season 5 to get the story in this fanfic.

Scratch that, just read the LN. As if there'll be a Season 3 anyway.

In short, it was shortly after Kazuma and his party defeated the Demon King General, Wolbach and before the Elroad arc.

That aside, _Stoplewdinglolis69_ , lewding lolis will never stop as long as we have hikiNEETs, loliNEETS, scums, and MADAOs in this world. It's the same case with fujoshis who ship Gintoki and Hijikata so badly. These kinds of people will never die out.

So, _Stoplewdinglolis69_ , go stand in the hallway!

* * *

 **Chapter 5 Preview:**

 **Kagura.**

Oi, just because I learned explosion magic doesn't mean that I'll follow your path.

So I'm your rival now? What about Silicon-chan?

Fine, if you really insist, I shall show off my new special attack-aru!

Burst forth! Ex- KARIIBAAA-aru!

 **Gintoki.**

IT'S THE WRONG ATTACK, YOU IDIOT!

 **Next Time!**

 **Explosion is an Art, So Chew those Things and Just Blow Things Up!**

 _Next chapter will be a two-parter! In the other half, a certain samurai will have to struggle as the girl that meets his standards will also brand him a lolicon!_ _ **"Gifting this Stupid Noble Samurai a Deserted Wife of Nobility!"**_

 _ **See you next time!**_


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 Part 1: Explosion is an Art, So Chew those Things and Just Blow Things Up!**

 **Megumin.**

 _-Darkness blacker than black and darker than dark,_

 _I beseech thee, combine with my deep crimson._

 _The time of awakening cometh._

 _Justice, fallen upon the infallible boundary,_

 _appear now as an intangible distortion!_

 _Dance, Dance, Dance!_

 _I desire for my torrent of power a destructive force:_

 _a destructive force without equal!_

 _Return all creation to cinders, and come from the abyss!_

 _This is the mightiest means of attack known to man,_

 ** _EXPLOSION-!_**

I fell down on the ground.

"Well, how is it? How many points was that?"

I had no strength to look at my masterpiece so I had to ask the person beside me to rate the explosion in my place.

"There's nothing impressive about a simple kaboom-aru!"

A girl of my age said as she picks her nose while watching at my greatest magic's aftermath.

How dare she insult my greatest achievement!

"Oi, instead of making fun of my explosion magic, why don't you help me here?"

I said as I used a few bits of my strength to wave my hand at her.

"Fine, Sadaharu come here-aru!"

I heard the sound of footsteps approaching us.

Kagura lifted me up and placed me at the top of her dog's back.

"Are you really not interested in following the path of explosions? You can become the most powerful if you use the spell!"

"I'm a member of the Yato Tribe, I am already very powerful-aru!"

She proudly proclaimed her point.

If she's going to be my new rival, she has to learn explosion sooner or later.

 ** _Two hours ago…_**

 **Kagura.**

Hooo! I finally have a monologue moment-aru!

After 4 chapters of being just a side character, the main heroine has finally made her entrance-aru!

"Oi, narrate the story already, you're only given less than half of the chapter so use it wisely."

The guy with silver pubic hair at his head complained while scratching the silver pubic hair at his head-aru.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A GUY WITH PUBIC HAIR AT THE HEAD?! AND DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO SAY IT TWICE IN A SENTENCE, HUH?!"

The guy with white pubic hair at his head exclaimed as he removes a strand of pubic hair from his nose-aru.

"STOP IT WITH THE PUBIC HAIR STUFF ALREADY AND GET ON WITH THE STORY!"

"Now, now, Kagura-chan. Gin-san is right, if you just keep wasting the monologue, we won't get progress the story."

Oh, so now the piece of virgin glasses is talking?

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PIECE OF VIRGIN GLASSES?! TAKE THAT BACK! I KNOW THERE'S TRUTH IN THAT STATEMENT, BUT TAKE THAT BACK!"

"Good morning, you guys are quite noisy again today."

Ah! Megumin's behind us-aru.

Anyway, what's with her outfit?

If there's a pervert shameless enough to pull to her robes, her bare chest will be revealed to the world-aru.

"What are you talking about? There's nothing but great plains will be revealed if that happens."

Gin-chan commented while searching for pubic hair under his nose.

"ENOUGH WITH THE PUBIC HAIR ALREADY! YOU'RE A CRAPPY NARRATOR, GIVE THE ROLE TO MEGUMIN, YOU BRAT!"

Haha… There's no way I'll ever give up this role-aru!

 **Megumin.**

I don't really understand what's going on.

Shinpachi and Gintoki are scolding Kagura even though she hasn't said a word.

Suddenly, she started pouncing on Gintoki.

"YOU BASTARD GIVE ME BACK MY MONOLOGUE-ARU!"

The white-haired man stopped her by grabbing her by the head.

These guys really are odd.

I wonder what went through Kazuma's mind that he allowed these three to stay at our home.

"Where's Kazuma, by the way?"

I asked Shinpachi who is mopping the floor.

"A-ah, Satou-san s-said that he was going on a night patrol yesterday-"

The sharp intuition of the Crimson Demon clan is telling me that he is not telling me the truth and that Kazuma is doing something funny.

This human-wearing glasses is not telling me the truth.

"W-Why are you looking for him anyway, Megumin-san?"

It was Shinpachi's turn to ask.

"I need to release my explosion magic at least once a day, but as you all know, I will be unable to move after I cast it so I have Kazuma lift me back home after."

I replied.

"Need or want? Brats these days, they either gobble up a two-week supply of food in one gulp or have you take them to _'Ala Hoe Hackbar'_ explosive strolls. Why can't you just act in your age and just behave inside the house?"

The man with the silver hair complained as he sat down on his chair and started reading his favorite book with a bored expression in his face.

"Roiyr… I dird'nt grorbblre rurp thrart mrurch! Iyr rornly ayrte ra rwone wreerk srupplyr rof froord-raru!"

A voice was heard at the kitchen.

"YOU BRAT! YOU REALLY DID GOBBLED UP THE FOOD! AND HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK WHEN YOUR MOUTH IS FULL, HUH?!"

Seeing Kagura eating our food, Gintoki jumped and proceeded to hit her in the head.

"Ow!"

Kazuma will be able to buy food supplies for us easily, but because of the great increase of foreigners from Kazuma's country, the kingdom's food resources dwindled at the fast rate and it caused a food shortage.

Right now, getting food is very rare so we were supposed to be saving them at least for the week.

Because of this, it really is understandable why the messy-haired man got angry when Kagura ate our food.

Gintoki glanced at me then said to Kagura,

"Atone for devouring our food supply by going with B*n L*den's granddaughter! This is stressful, really! I'm going out for a bit!"

After his lecture, Gintoki went for the door.

"Gin-san, where are you going?"

Shinpachi asked.

"A new pachinko shop just opened, I'm going to relieve my stress there."

"AND LOOK WHO'S TALKING! COME BACK HERE, YOU PIECE OF MOPHEAD! HOW DARE YOU LECTURE ME-ARU!"

Kagura tried to chase the white-haired man but he already rode off with his odd noisy metallic mount that that has wheels as legs and emits black smoke.

 ** _Back to present…_**

 **Megumin.**

"I told you, I'm not gonna do it-aru!"

After taking her with me for an explosion stroll, I kept convincing Kagura to do an explosion as well.

"It will be cool! Don't you want to have me as a rival?"

I said to her while riding on Sadaharu's back.

"Rival? What about Silicon-chan and that princess you were talking about earlier?"

Kagura stopped and asked me about Yunyun and Iris.

Anyway, I should ask her sometime why she calls them by those weird nicknames.

"Yunyun is my rival in terms of being the greatest archwizard and Iris is my rival towards Ka—Wait, why are we talking about these kinds of things?! The point is, you're the only person besides me and Wiz who can use explosion magic. Since Wiz is always busy at the shop, who else would be my rival for explosion magic?"

I raised my point.

"So what you want is for us to compete on who could make the strongest explosion?"

Kagura asked and I answered with a nod.

Letting out a sigh, and looked at the open field behind us.

"Where do you want me to aim it-aru?"

"Just aim it at that boulder over there and—Wait, what did you just asked?"

Ignoring my question, Kagura closed her umbrella, held it with her two hands, and pointed it towards the boulder.

"Whoever casts the strongest explosion wins and the loser should treat the winner an all-you-can-eat buffet-aru."

Before I could reply, she made a deep breath and started chanting…

 _Darkness blacker than black and darker than dark,_

That's a good start. I could feel magical energy from her already.

 _-I announce._

 _Your self is under me and my fate is in your sword._

Wait, did she just chanted something different? I don't know what those words mean, but my Crimson Demon intuition tells me that verse is for a different ritual like summoning some hero from the past!

 _Combine with deep red bloody day of the month._

The aura surrounding her turned to blood red. She's talking about her period, isn't she?

 _The time to sleep is anytime._

Why do I get the feeling that Kazuma and Aqua would agree to this?

 _Justice,_

Oh, she's starting to chant normally!

 _fallen upon the bone of my sword._

 _Steel is my body and fire is my blood!_

I should've known! Is she really going to use explosion magic? Because those lines would put us in a situation where we would be standing on a hill of swords instead!

 _Appear now a perm drunkard and a pair of virgin glasses!_

Don't mention your team while chanting!

 _Louis, Taiga, Shana!_

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!

 _I desire for the Evil Holy Sword Let's Dancing All Night Rising Special Ultra Miracle Super Mario Brothers Second Edition Luigi's Counterattack Director's Cut: a destructive Kinniku Buster!_

 _Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon is Justaway's p*nis!_

Okay, those past lines were completely random! And she just said something inappropriate during the chant!

 _I have no regrets, this is the only path!_

I swear, some of her lines makes me want to shout, **_LORD CAMELOT!_** For reasons I do not understand!

 _Pepepepepepepepepepe Bichigusomaru!_

THAT'S A RESURRECTION SPELL, YOU KNOW!

 _Aye sir! Explosion-aru!_

YOU RUINED IT COMPLETELY!

A beam of light shoot forth from Kagura's umbrella and landed at the target.

 ** _Later that evening…_**

 **Kazuma.**

"So, mind explaining why Megumin turned into another Aqua?"

I asked the Chinese alien who is eating a large amount of food.

"Bwreats mwre. I jrusht wrushed rexplowrshiorn rand shwe'sh breewn rliyke thiwsh ewvewr shiwnce."

A newspaper roll was smacked on the girl's head.

"I told you not to talk when your mouth is full!"

Gintoki scolded Kagura while gripping the newspaper roll tightly.

I had just arrived only to find a crying Megumin which eerily reminds me of a penniless Aqua.

"Oi, Megumin. Stop crying already! This is Aqua's role, not yours. What happened to the chuuni Megumin we know and love?"

I approached the sobbing girl and comforted her.

"Waaah! What's the use?! I'm useless as Aqua now anyway! Kagura could cast a stronger explosion spell and will still have a lot of mana to spare!"

Ah, so that's why.

Knowing that Kagura learned explosion magic when they switched bodies, Megumin probably challenged her to a fight.

Anyway, just how overpowered are the Yato?

Never mind their super strength and excellent fighting skills, all of us just found out that these monstrous species could also amplify learned skills!

I keep patting Megumin's head to comfort her.

She should be fine soon.

I hope.

 **-Chapter 5 Part 1 End-**

 **Chapter 5 Part 2:** **Gifting this Stupid Noble Samurai a Deserted Wife of Nobility!**

 **Darkness.**

A day after three strange people moved in Kazuma's mansion, I received a message from home that my father is not feeling well.

I immediately head to the Dustiness mansion as fast as I could.

Right now I am at the entrance.

To my surprise, the front gate is wide open.

Something is wrong.

It's eerily quiet right now.

I reached for the front door but it was opened by our butler, Hagen.

He looked at me with a blank expression and took a signboard from his back with words written on it,

[Katsura-san, is it time to attack yet?]

"Katsura? Hagen, what do you mean by that?"

Hagen looked at the words written at the signboard after I pointed it out and replaced it with another signboard,

[Ah, Laslatine-sama! It's good you came back home!]

"Hagen, it's Lalatina. You wrote it wrong."

The butler in front of me took a pen from his bill, I mean, mouth and replaced _Laslatine_ to _Lalatina_.

"By the way, is my father alright!"

I asked as I stared into Hagen's circular-shaped eyes.

He replied by showing me another signboard from his other flippe—hand.

[Katsu- Father is upstairs. His condition is getting worse.]

Showing me another signboard,

[Everyday, he grows weaker. His diabetes is killing him because of too much chocolate parfait and other kinds of sweets.]

He just wrote something off.

"Hagen, you know father doesn't like sweets. And doesn't he only eat healthy food ever since he got well after my wedding?"

Silence.

The person before me didn't respond and we just stared eye to eye for thirty seconds.

By the way, is it just me, or did Hagen gained weight?

And he's very pale to the point that his complexion is as white as snow and the texture of his skin is almost similar to that of a cloth.

He took another two signboards from his back,

[Ah, (Laslatine-sama) Lalatina-sama! It's good you came back home!]

[Katsu- Father is upstairs. His condition is getting worse.]

"Hagen, those were the same signboards earlier."

"Mwrwrwaawrh!"

Suddenly, a muffled voice of Hagen was heard inside the closet at the living room.

That same closet seems to be moving a bit, as if someone inside was struggling to get out.

"Hagen, what was that? Why am I hearing your voice inside that closet?"

Our butler didn't answer and instead threw the closet out of the window and brought out a strange item out of nowhere, pointed it to the closet, and the tip of the weapon flew towards the target and exploded.

[No, that was just your imagination, Lolitina-sama.]

"Hagen, you just destroyed the closet. And it's Lalatina, not Lolitina."

Anyway, the item he used looks familiar. I believe Kazuma showed me a sketch of it months ago and called it a 'bazooka'.

[G*ratina-sama, shouldn't you go and see your father?]

Hagen showed me another signboard which reminded me about my father.

I ran upstairs and reached for father's door and opened it.

"Father!"

At the bed before me, a man is lying down with a sickly look on his face.

"Ah… My sweet Lalatina."

I ran to him and held his hand.

Tears ran down my cheek.

How could have this happened again?

I looked closely at his features and noticed that there's something odd about him.

"My, Father, what black long hair you have!"

"It's not a black long hair, it's Katsura (Wig)."

I see, so it was a wig.

But why would father wear a wig while being sick in bed?

"My, Father, what young face you have?"

"It's not a young face, it's Katsura."

Oh, so the wig is making him look young?

"Anyway, Father, what happened to you? Do you feel alright? Do you need Aqua to heal you?"

"It's not Aqua, it's water. My dear Lalatina, we are not Spanish so it's okay to just say water. And yes, I need water, please."

"What are you talking about, Father? You know Aqua, the one who healed you before, right?"

Father became speechless after hearing what I said.

Suddenly, he shouted at Hagen who's behind me.

"ELIZABETH, WE'RE BUSTED! WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO DO IT!"

Eh?

Suddenly, I am bonded in ropes.

The person behind me must have used 'Bind'.

I tried to stand up… But… I couldn't…

Father and Hagen looked at me with evil intentions…

…to think my own father turned out to have sexual desires towards me…

"Father… What is the meaning of this?!"

I asked my father who suddenly got up from his bed full of energy.

"Haa~Hahaha! It's not Father, it's Katsura! Dustiness-dono, you shall become our prisoner now!"

…No way…!

…D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-did he just say 'p-prisoner…?!

…The man pretended to be my father and

…Haa…Haa…Haa…

"Hm...? Elizabeth, what do you mean by 'look at the lady'?"

…T-to think that this would be…

"~~…happening…~~"

"Wh-what is this, Elizabeth? Why is she acting like this?"

[I heard that the Lady Dustiness is an M and her dream is to be captured by the Demon King Army to be their sex slave.]

"This is going to be hard, it seems."

[What should we do, Katsura-san?]

"We have no choice, put her to sleep."

…They're going to do it while I'm out…?

…OME…! (Oh My Eris)

The thought of being violated while asleep makes me… makes me…

"~~OAAHHHH~~~!"

 ** _A few days later…_**

 **Darkness.**

I woke up unable to move.

I realized immediately that

As I look around, I noticed that there are a bunch of middle-aged men conducting some sort of a meeting.

At their center was the black-haired man who disguised himself as my father in order to capture me.

"Um… Katsura-san. Why are we still doing Joui activities?"

One of them asked.

"Fool! Don't you see? The Amanto had us fooled all this time! They brainwashed us into thinking that we were sent to a different world when we are actually still in Edo!"

The black-haired man, Katsura, replied.

"Um… Katsura-san. This definitely isn't our world."

Another one said.

"Shut up! The Amanto put all of us into sleep and reshaped our world into one they prefer!"

"That's just a conspiracy theory! And it's definitely impossible even for the most technologically advanced Amanto to do such an endeavor!"

As they continue arguing, a strange creature that looks like a large duck noticed me and showed Katsura a signboard.

[Katsura-san, the Lady of the Dustiness House is finally awake.]

All of them focused their gazes towards my direction.

Th… Their gazes… Their gazes say that they want to do something to me the worst way possible~~!"

"We weren't! And you just said your monologue out loud and revealed something dangerous within you!"

~~Oh… They could read my mind? That means… What I would wish they won't do in my mind, they would do it~~?!"

"YOU SAID IT OUT LOUD AGAIN! Katsura-san, are you really sure that she would be an effective hostage? For all we know, her relatives and friends are probably relaxing now that this M is removed from their lives!"

That man is viscous!

"A-Are you saying that they had abandoned me! Such idea… such idea… ~~AAAAAHHH~~~!"

"LOOK! SHE GETTING TURNED ON FROM THE IDEA THAT SHE'S BEEN FORGOTTEN BY THEM!"

The old man screamed!

"Calm down. No matter how great her masochistic tendencies are, she is still a beautiful noble who needs to be protected. After all, her party members saved her when she was forced to marry a corrupt old man."

Katsura said as he approached me.

"Katsura-san, is it possible that…"

"…the reason that you captured her…"

[…is that your housewife fetish kicked in again in an nineteen-year old girl?]

The group continued what another said as if it was scripted.

"HAAA?! What are you saying, you bastards?! I don't have something as low as housewife fetish, I have an **NTR** fetish!"

"YOU JUST EXPOSED A FETISH THAT'S IN THE LOWEST POINT POSSIBLE!"

One man retorted.

"Who is the one who said that I have those sorts of fetishes, anyway! It's Gintoki, wasn't it?!"

Katsura draws out his sword and pointed it at his men.

"It was basically revealed ever since Episode 39 and then it was even pointed out at the latest episode that aired today (Episode 331)!"

Another one of them said.

"Wait, the anime is already at Episode 331?! I thought the anime ended after Be Forever Yorozuya!"

Katsura was shocked for some reason.

"Katsura-san, you didn't know that the anime had been airing again since 2015?"

"Tsk! That Gintoki, he told me he would give me new videotapes once the new anime comes out!"

"HOW WAS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT THE ANIME CAME BACK?! AND VIDEOTAPES? JUST HOW RETRO ARE YOU?! JUST WATCH IT ON CR*NCHYROLL OR ANY STREAMING SITES!"

"Cr*nchyroll? I would rather watch Gintama on VHS than resort to a website for foreigners!"

"JUST BUY A DVD OR BLU-RAY ALREADY! VHS IS LONG DEAD, NOBODY RELEASES NEW VIDEOTAPES ANYMORE!"

My head hurts!

Gintama? VHS? Cr*nchyroll?

I can't understand what they are talking about!

"Wait. Elizabeth, did you just said she was nineteen?!"

Katsura kneeled down and held his head with his two hands.

"No way! If this continues, I will be branded a lolicon!"

"SO YOU DO ADMIT HAVING A WIDOW FETISH! AND SHE'S NOT GONNA BE CONSIDERED A LOLI ANYMORE!"

Suddenly, I heard something snoring.

"Excuse me. But… where is this place?"

I interrupted their conversation to ask the question.

"We're at the cave they called 'Bear's Lair'. It sounded cool, so I took this place as our hideout."

As Katsura proudly said those words, the rest of us shifted our gaze to the source of the snoring.

Before us were two full-grown hibernating One-Hit Bears.

"Katsura-san, we should find a new base soon."

One of the men suggested.

"Nonsense. Right now this is the best place to hide from the Shinsengumi. Those bears won't wake up easily, don't worry."

I guess this is what Kazuma meant by triggering a flag. Because after that, a large explosion was heard from afar.

It was probably one of Megumin and Kazuma's usual strolls.

The bears moved a little.

Just the idea of them waking up and attacking me brings pleasure to my heart~~!

After a few minutes of adjusting for a comfortable position, the bears went back to sleep.

"It seems that they got used to Megumin's noise."

As I said those words, I heard someone near the mouth of the cave chanting something familiar.

 _Aye sir! Explosion-aru!_

An explosion even greater than what we had heard a few minutes ago shook the entire cave.

But that was not our concern right now.

Behind us, the two One-Hit Bears woke up in a foul mood!

""RUN!""

This amazing!

These guys are running for their own lives and left me all alone, tied up, and defenseless against these bears!

It makes me… It makes me…!

Someone is carrying me in a piggyback position.

It was their leader, the man named Katsura!

"You scumbags! To abandon a defenseless woman alone to be eaten by beasts! And you guys call yourselves samurai?!"

He screamed at his men while running as fast as he can.

We reached the mouth of the cave to find that Katsura's men are already boarding seven carriages.

"Katsura-san, hurry up!"

"Katsura-san?"

"C-Could you do me a favor?"

Katsura is just standing.

What is he doing?

"Lalatina-dono is too heavy! I can't move another step!"

"THEN HOW DID YOU MANAGED TO CARRY HER HERE?!"

"She suddenly got heavy when we reached the mouth of the cave."

"WHAT IS THE OUTSIDE WORLD TO YOU, INSIDE CAPS*LE CORPORATION'S SPACESHIP?!"

I don't have something like Kazuma's 'Detect' skill, but I understood that something dangerous is about to attack us!

"KATSURA-SAN, LOOK OUT!"

The One-Hit Bear hit my back by using its claws.

"AARGHH!"

Katsura and I were fell down.

Thanks to my Adamantite armor and high defense stat, I was able to reduce the bear's damage to a small wound.

One good thing also is that the attack destroyed the ropes that were binding me.

I noticed that the bear was about to attack Katsura so activated my 'Decoy' skill to shift its attention towards me.

It worked! Now the bear is moving towards me!

"Lalatina-dono, use this!"

Katsura threw my longsword which landed in front of me.

I took it and readied my stance.

I defended each of the bear's attack successfully.

But because I just woke up and haven't eaten for days, I feel weaker every time it strikes.

"Don't just block it, attack it!"

Katsura screamed.

"But I can't land a hit!"

I answered Katsura.

"Then improvise, adapt, and overcome!"

"But I didn't put any points to my sword skills!"

I said to him.

"Fool! If you really want to fight to protect, then you don't have to rely on skill points to hit your target!"

After hearing his words, I thought to myself…

How many times did my party got into trouble because what I can only do was to defend?

How many times did I turned out to be the only useless one during quests?

I gripped my sword.

 _Then improvise, adapt, and overcome!_

If it's always air I'm hitting when I try to hit my target, then what would happen if I try to intentionally hit the air instead of my target.

Can I really do it?

Can I really do it even without sword skills?

 _If you really want to fight to protect, then you don't have to rely on skill points to hit your target!_

I want to protect Kazuma and the others!

But I can't do it if the only thing I can do is block!

Hit the air, not the target!

Hit the space, not the bear!

The chances this would work is very low, but I just have to believe I could do it!

"HIIYAAAHH!"

I closed my eyes for no reason.

 ** _Splash!_**

I felt something hit my blade.

I opened my eyes and saw that Katsura is lying on the pool of his own blood.

"Eh?"

""KATSURA-SAN!""

 **-To Be Continued-**

 **Chapter 6 Preview:**

 **Katsura.**

Gintoki! How dare you not told me that there was a new Gintama anime!

 **Kazuma.**

Um… I'm not Gintoki.

 **Next Time!**

 **If You're Still Living with Your Parents, You Can Watch Anime the Illegal Way. Otherwise, Support the Industry by Watching it Legally, You Nutbag!**

 _Well, that was a cliffhanger! Next chapter will also be a two-parter! The second part, **"The Goddess of Parties, The God of Perms and The God of Cardboard** , Aqua spends all her money in the new attraction called 'pachinko'. She will cross paths with the NEET samurai and the infamous MADAO!_

 ** _See you next time!_**


	7. Chapter 6

**_A/N: I just wanna greet everyone a Happy Halloween! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!_**

Edit: The polls mentioned here is the latest one released alongside chapter 657.

 ** _Previously…_**

" _HIIYAAAHH!"_

 ** _SPLASH!_**

 _I felt something hit my blade._

 _I opened my eyes and found out that I accidentally sliced the man with long black hair who tried to kidnap me but saved me in the end._

 _He is lying on the ground, soaked with his own blood!_

 **Chapter 6 Part 1: If You're Still Living with Your Parents, You Can Watch Anime the Illegal Way. Otherwise, Support the Industry by Watching It Legally, You Nutbag!**

 **Kazuma.**

"Aqua! Aqua! We need your help!"

Right after I comforted Megumin who I found crying in an Aqua-like fashion after Kagura performed a stronger explosion magic than what she could normally do last chapter, Darkness barged in looking for Aqua and was being followed by at least five men who are obviously from Edo.

The men are carrying an unconscious man.

One of them noticed the silver-haired man beside the gluttonous Chinese girl.

"Gintoki-dono! So glad you're here! We're members of Katsura-san's Joui factio—."

Before he could finish his sentence, two swords were pointed at his neck.

One was the wooden sword, Lake Toya, and the other was my own sword with an embarrassing name.

"You bastards, was the bomb scam back in Chapter 3 not enough, huh? Do you really want to get us arrested, huh?"

I said while giving them the evilest glare I could manage.

"Oi. Were the two kicks to your leader's t*sticles not enough, huh? Do you want me to sabotage his Justaway, huh? Do you want me to chop off his Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon, huh?"

Gintoki followed my threat with an evil grin.

"Gin-san, Satou-san, stop it! Can't you see, they're here because Katsura-san is injured."

""Eh?""

That's when we noticed the long-haired samurai lying on a futon prepared by Shinpachi when they got here.

It was then that the samurai we threatened continued his explanation.

"Actually, if you're planning to chop off Katsura-san's pride, it's too late. Look."

Then he showed us that Katsura's crotch area is full of blood.

"Oi, what happened, Zura!"

Gintoki's expression changed and ran towards Katsura's side.

"Gintoki, it's not Zura-"

Katsura opened his eyes and tears started flowing.

"-it's Zurako… now and forever…"

One of the Jouishishi showed us an object wrapped in a piece of bloody white cloth and unwrapped it.

"It happened so fast. When the noble crusader girl landed a hit on one of the two One-Hit Bears, both Katsura-san and the bears collapsed with their members chopped off."

None of us could say anything.

I do not know if it was because of the shock that Darkness was able to land a hit, or if it was the urge to protect our most precious possession as a man after seeing Katsura's full set separated from him.

Aqua finally arrived and started healing Katsura.

"Um… do you need this?"

The samurai holding Katsura's treasure offered it to Aqua who pulled the neutered man's underwear down without any sign of embarassment on her face.

"Oh, that? You can keep it. My healing magic can recreate it completely even without reattaching the separated part of his body. Actually, back when Kazuma was beheaded by Jack Frost, I was planning on recreating his head and have his old head as a souvenir."

This idiot was planning to have my severed head shown in front of me!?

When I was about to hit Aqua's head, this usually useless goddess paused and looked at Darkness, who by the way, had a guilty look on her face.

"Darkness, could it be that you had finally learned 'that' secret technique?"

The only response Darkness did was a nod.

"Hey Aqua. What's that secret technique you're talking about?"

Hearing my questions, Megumin approached me and explained everything.

 _Hidden Technique: Castration Strike to the Two-Timer_

It was a special offensive skill used exclusively by an ancient race of mostly women.

There were rumors that the massive decline of male orc population was the result of their assault to the orc village.

This skill works a bit like my _Steal_ skill in some ways.

Like how my skill steals underwear when the target is female, and acts normally when the target is male, this skill will always hit the reproductive organ of all male within a 2-meter radius.

Another amazing thing about it is that it doesn't require skill points to learn and strengthen it. Which means, Darkness can focus her points on defense without worrying about her newfound skill.

To sum it up, our clumsy crusader who can't land a hit basically learned a crotch buster attack which could possibly be used to threaten my 'Excalibur'.

"—And that's all I know about the skill that eradicated the male orcs. Even though my mother claims that the one who killed the remaining ones was a young man with an umbrella, I still think that an army of b*ll slicing females obliterating the male orc population is cooler!"

Megumin said with passion in her crimson eyes.

"Oi, you're not planning to learn that crotch slicer of a skill as well, right? And did you actually said b*lls? Where did you learn such a vulgar word?"

I responded to her enthusiasm.

"Don't worry, I won't try to learn it. What I would like to learn is the skill to make crotches explode!"

This girl is proving to be more dangerous than Darkness!

"That's not an issue, Megumin-kun. You just need to utilize your 'sheath' against Kazuma-kun and something will definitely explode from his 'Excalibur'. Trust me, the both of you will achieve an 'All Distant Utopia' once it happens."

"Oi! Gin-san, how dare you turn a girl's innocent dream into a dirty joke!"

Shinpachi retorted at Gintoki's comment.

"Don't act dumb, Pattsuan! She had been living with a wealthy molester and an M crusader for a year! There's no way she'll be innocent."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A WEALTHY MOLESTER?! ISN'T THAT THE SAME WITH KAGURA? SHE HAD BEEN LIVING WITH A DIRTY MOP WITH A WEATHER GIRL FETISH AND A VIRGIN GLASSES WHO GETS UP EASILY!"

"BASTARD! WHO ARE YOU CALLING A DIRTY MOP?! AND WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY WEATHER GIRL FETISH?!"

"EVERYTHING!"

"Satou-san, I'm on your side! Why am I getting an insult too?!"

"Shut up! Just because you finally lifted your 8th place curse and got the 7th place at the 5th popularity polls, doesn't mean you can just butt in!"

"YOU'RE ANGRY BECAUSE OF THE POLLS?!"

"OF COURSE I AM! I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER OF KONOSUBA AND I GOT THE 8TH PLACE! AND NOW A BLAND VIRGIN IS ON A HIGHER PLACE THAN ME?!"

Our argument went on for another minute.

"WILL YOU SHUT IT?!"

With his willy restored, Katsura got up from the futon and went straight to the front door.

"Let's take our leave! Just from staring from the people living in this house, only trouble would come out if we stay here a little longer."

Isn't that supposed to be our line? You brought at least Megumin and I trouble twice in the last few days.

Before leaving the mansion, Gintoki called out to Katsura.

"Zura. Before you leave, I'll give you a piece of advice. There's a man wearing a white and black mask in the city working at a magic tool shop. Don't do anything rash when you see him."

Katsura stopped in his tracks and gave a reply without looking back at his long-time friend.

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura. And don't worry, I'm not someone like you who tried to stab a part-timer's head."

The silver-haired samurai scratched his head and sighed.

"Well, I've done it. So you were watching us, huh?"

After hearing Gintoki's part, Katsura went on his way followed by the Jouishishi without saying another word.

 ** _The next day…_**

Somewhere in the streets of Axel, a man with long, straight, and silky black hair that could mistook him for a woman walks alone silently.

He had been thinking about the words left by an old friend.

 _-There's a man wearing a white and black mask in the city working at a magic tool shop._

It is true that he saw the silver-haired samurai assaulting the masked part-timer, but the memories he didn't want to remember made him reject the possibility that the masked man was indeed 'him'.

"Um… Katsura-san, wasn't it?"

"Hm?"

Hearing a soft voice behind him, Katsura Kotaro turned around to find a blonde girl wearing heavy armor.

"Lalatina-dono, is something wrong?"

The girl before him is Dustiness Ford Lalatina, the heiress of the Dustiness House which governs Axel. But to many adventurers, she is known as the crusader, Darkness.

"I… I never got to apologize about what happened to you yesterday…"

Darkness lowered her head and said those words in a quiet voice.

"No one knew that you'd be able to use such a skill, so you got nothing to apologize for."

Katsura replied to the girl's apology.

"T-Then… I should at least thank you! I can be more useful to Kazuma and the others now that I had learned an offensive skill. Without your advice, I wouldn't be able to learn it."

Darkness bowed in gratitude to the long-haired samurai.

"I heard that you ignored everyone's advice to put skill points into your sword skills so you could spend it on defense. My advice wouldn't be needed if only you had listened to them, Lalatina-dono."

Katsura said to the blonde-haired crusader.

"It's true, but that time with the One-Hit Bear made me realize that if I really want to protect them, I should learn to fight on my own."

The samurai narrowed his eyes.

"Don't lie to yourself, Lalatina-dono. You're afraid of using that skill again, am I right?"

Darkness widened her eyes as if Katsura saw through her and gave a slow nod.

"If I do that skill with Kazuma nearby, I might put him in danger."

Katsura smiled.

"I see. You are afraid of the fact that you might hurt someone close to you."

Before she realized it, Darkness reached out for her hand to catch a katana. The sword on her hand was Katsura's.

"Don't get the wrong idea, Lalatina-dono. This has nothing to do with my thing for widows and divorcees."

Continuing on his speech, the man started walking.

"If you really want to protect Kazuma-kun from the bottom of your heart, then you can defeat your foes without hurting him. From now on, you will not use the sword to cut down your enemies, but to protect your very soul."

Darkness stood there without saying a word as the man before her disappears into an alley.

To protect the man dear to her, she must learn how to use her skill properly.

Meanwhile, as Katsura walks down the alley, a man with a white perm is seen leaning on the wall.

"Oi, oi, Zura. You really are starting to become the spitting image of sensei. First, trying to imitate his wardrobe, and now you're trying to pick up students?"

The man, Gintoki, said to the long-haired samurai who stopped in front of him.

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura. Shoyo-sensei taught us how to use the sword. There's nothing wrong with me passing his teachings to younger generations."

Katsura replied.

"Besides, I don't have anything to do in this new world. A jouishishi trying to do his propaganda at a foreign country would only be branded as a mere terrorist."

After leaving this words, Katsura went on his path.

Gintoki decided to go the other way and started picking his nose.

"Nothing to do, my ass. You just happen to remember _that bastard_ , that's why."

The silver-haired samurai murmurs to himself.

 **-Chapter 6 Part 1 End-**

 **Chapter 6 Part 2:** **The Goddess of Parties, The God of Perms, and the God of Cardboards**

 **Hasegawa.**

The door opens, I stepped out of the building, the door closes.

It feels like all of my energy are drained away.

Behind me was one of many newly opened pachinko parlors in Axel.

Wait, you're asking me as to why I'm here when the Prologue said that I didn't die? Well, I killed myself.

Even though I requested that I would go to heaven and not into this world, Eris-sama insisted that I go to this world.

Does she really want me to suffer?

Right now, I am standing in a very weak posture trying to absorb the fact that I just used up all of my money for pachinko.

Then, the automatic door before me opens and a familiar man weakly steps out of the building.

Knowing this silver-haired man, I know that he shares my fate today.

"Oooiii, if it isn't Hasegawa-san. You're here, too. What's the matter with you? You're sweating like a pig."

Then, he asked the question I don't want him to ask.

"Did you lose?"

"No."

It wasn't that I was lying to him, it was that I am trying to deny that fact.

"It was hot today."

I should think of a way to get back at him.

"You're sweating pretty badly, too. Did you lose?"

That question seemed to have worked.

"HOT! IT'S HOT TODAY! HEY, SUN! TAKE A PAID DAY OFF, IDIOT!"

Gin-san shouted while pointing at the sun.

Anyway, why do I have the feeling that this has happened before?

Just as the reenactment of episode 19 was about to continue, a blue-haired young miss exited another pachinko parlor nearby sobbing.

"*sniff* All the money for the booze are all gone. Waaahhh!"

Now she started wailing.

"Oi, so you're here too, Akame?"

Gin-san asked the young girl. So her name's Akame?

"*sniff* My name is not Akame, it's Aqua. What are you doing here anyway, Joseph and Akainu?"

Gin-san, young miss, we're not those guys, we just share the same voice as them.

"Gin-san, you know this girl?"

I asked the man beside me.

"She's one of the owners of the house we are currently staying."

He answered.

"Hey hey, Gintoki-sama! Can you lend me money?"

Aqua-san suddenly made a proposition.

"Idiot, can't you see that we're as broke as you?!"

Gin-san scolded the blue-haired young miss.

"What if we all go and ask money from Kazuma?"

It's sad, isn't it? Such a young age, but she's already a MADAO.

I can't help but cry.

"Hey, hey… Did you hear? There's this durian quest about a spectre in a ruined church. If no one's going to accept that quest sooner or later, I don't want to know what means the big-breasted onee-san at the guild would do to force us to complete it."

My ears caught something interesting.

"I know that! But who would be able to do that? None of the archpriests in the city are willing to let her pass on."

I ignored the arguing duo beside me and shifted my attention towards the two discussing adventurers.

"Gin-san, young miss. How would you like to earn some money with me?"

The two only looked at me in wonder.

 ** _Two hours later…_**

 **Hasegawa.**

Lucy the spectre.

It was said that in the mountains near Axel lies the ruins of an old church.

It belonged to neither the Axis nor Eris cults, the two main religions of this world.

While it is unknown which god the small cult followed, rumors say that Lucy was the last of their kind.

In this world, it seems that a god's power is proportional to their believers' faith.

This means that if a god loses all their believers in the mortal world, they will vanish as they're stripped of power.

Lucy, as a devoted cultist, didn't want her god to disappear, so she chose to keep praying even after death.

Because of her immense faith even as a spectre, the disciples of other cults were touched by her and are reluctant to let her pass on.

It also doesn't help that she's an ex-crusader, which grants her high magic resistance to holy magic even though she's a spectre.

The only ones that could defeat her are extremely powerful archpriests; yet those who are most qualified are more than often peaceful and virtuous.

Thanks to that, Lucy still wanders around the ruins to this day.

"Hey, are you sure about this? Usually when you accept such a difficult quest, you always bring food and other necessities with you especially if it's far from the town."

The blue-haired young miss, Aqua-san, asked.

"If you have been sleeping in the streets and the park for a long time, you'll realize that even bread crumbs you picked on the trash is enough to sustain you for the day."

Using my own experiences, I replied her question.

"But really, Hasegawa-san. Exorcising a spectre? You should at least choose a quest that has more thrill into it."

Gin-san commented.

Wait…

"WHY ARE YOU WEARING A MUMMY COSTUME?! AND THOSE ARE WARDING SEALS, NOT BANDAGES! JUST HOW SCARED ARE YOU?!"

I pointed out Gin-san's silly outfit.

"I'm not scared! It's Halloween season, so I decided to be a mummy for the rest of the chapter! And since there's no bandages, I decided to use these warding seals instead!"

"IN WHAT SCENARIO WOULD BANDAGES BE RARER THAN WARDING SEALS?! BESIDES, WE WON'T BE ABLE TO MEET THE SPECTRE BECAUSE OF THAT!"

"D-Damn it! I should have use paper bombs instead!"

"OI! IF YOU DO THAT, THERE'S A HUGE CHANCE WE'LL BE JOINING LUCY IN THAT PLACE! AND PAPER BOMBS?! WHAT ARE YOU A NINJA!?"

I scolded this man who keeps making lame excuses.

"Anyway, Hasegawa-san. Am I really needed for this quest? Isla could do it by herself since she's a powerful archpriest."

Gin-san said as he pointed his index finger to Aqua-san.

"It's Aqua, not Isla. But A-kun's right! The great me is enough to vanquish this false believer! Of course, as a goddess, I must be generous and share my reward with the two of you."

This girl is too proud of herself. And did she just say she's a goddess? If so, it seems that I have found the Goddess of Poverty.

"Anyway, so our party right now consists of an archpriest, a freelancer and… Wait a minute, Hasegawa-san. What was your job again?"

I handed them my adventurer's card then lighted up a cigarette.

 _A few days ago…_

" _Umm… Hasegawa Taizou, wasn't it? Your average Intelligence stat aside, all of your stats are super low! And I have never seen a Luck stat so low it is a negative number!"_

 _The miss at the counter said to me with a pity expression._

" _A-anyway, you're not qualified even for basic adventurer but don't worry. There's a special job class for this kind of situation."_

" _Special job class?"_

" _Yes. It's called-."_

"MAster of the Dumped wAste Organization or simply MADAO."

I blew out the cigarette smoke from my mouth.

"It's a special job where our skills are made to pick up trashes and utilize them for our own survival."

I explained my job to them while continuing our work.

"EVEN HERE YOU'RE STILL IN THE LOWEST?! SPECIAL JOB, MY ASS! THAT WAS JUST AN EXCUSE TO MAKE HOMELESS MEN FEEL BETTER!"

Gin-san blurted out the reality of my situation.

"Gin-san, I know that even in this world, I'm still a MADAO, but there's a difference between my time in Edo and my time here…"

I placed my cigarette in my mouth and looked up into the sky dramatically.

"…I finally had a job…"

"This poor guy! I'm not sure whether to hug him in sympathy or punch him for his own stupidity!"

"Oh, we're here! So this is the church of the lowly goddess of Manipulation and Vengeance!"

Aqua-san interrupted us by pointing out the fact that we're finally here-!

"Who are you calling a lowly goddess, Axis scum?! And it's Goddess, not goddess! Learn how to use capital letters properly first before you come any clos—wait, what is he doing?"

As the spectre appeared before us to rant at Aqua-san, we noticed that one of us dove into a nearby bush.

"Gin-san, what are you doing?"

I asked the samurai who only showed his eyes to us behind the bush.

"I-I thought I found a gold coin in this bush so I decided to check it. A-Anyway, it's warm in here so I'll s-stay here for a while! Now go and finish the job quickly (please…)!

Hehehe… I heard before that Gin-san was afraid of ghosts, I never thought his phobia would be this severe.

"Don't sweat it, Kivat! This will be over in a minute! Anyway, did you just called me a scum, you damn ghost!? I feel that even using purification magic on you is a waste! Let me send you on your merry way with a God's Beating!"

Aqua-san faced the ghost and cracked her fists.

"Great Regina, Goddess of Manipulation and Vengeance, please bring retribution upon this blue-haired woman! You despicable Axis cultist, taste my curse!"

"You have the audacity to curse a pure goddess, don't make me laugh! Oguri Shun, give me your 3D sword! Watch as I obliterate the hell out of the ruined church that this ghost calls home!"

I can't believe this, a fight between the Goddess of Poverty and a 20-year old looking translucent female spectre is about to unfold.

"Umm… Aqua-kun~~, can you send her to heaven already? Her aura is getting stronger. Not that I'm scared or anything…"

I can't see Gin-san right now, but I could see that the bush he's hiding is shaking intensively.

"Go repent! Go repent in the underworld for angering a goddess! Ahahahaha! Watch as I God's Blow the reject goddess Regina along with her final follower into oblivion!"

"Regina-sama, Regina-sama, I still have favors I've yet to return! Regina-sama who sent the man that wasted all my hard earned money to hell! Regina-sama who robbed penniless the woman that married my brother only to scam him of all his wealth! I have to keep you from fading, at least in the name of all who's unfortunate!"

Lucy prayed in tears in contrast to Aqua-san who wore an evil smile as she approached while swinging her fist.

Then.

She threw something—no, someone familiar.

"AAAAAHHHH!"

Gin-san screamed with his signature high-pitched voice as he flew towards Lucy.

"Hold on! What are you doing?! Why did you throw Gin-san?!"

The blue-haired girl fixed her hair as she proudly explained.

"He was wrapped in warding spells, that should be enough to kill her!"

"WHAT KIND OF ARCHPRIEST ARE YOU!?"

 _-Smooch!-_

"" _Eh?""_

The strange sound made us realize that Gin-san's lips touched Lucy's.

While physical contact with spectres are not possible, the warding spells probably allowed her to be touched.

I don't know why, but it seems like the whole world stopped for a second.

While the lady spectre blushed upon realizing the situation, only horror crept unto the silver-haired samurai's face.

Suddenly, a bright light bursted out of Lucy and Gin-san dropped into the ground still petrified at the turn of events.

"Wh-What is this feeling? I-Is this what it feels like to have your chastity taken?"

A kiss doesn't take your chastity away! It's what follows that does it, but that's not the issue right now!

"Axis cultist, I thank you for showing me the light."

Aqua-san only stood in confusion.

"Regina-sama, you can disappear into oblivion! I have a new purpose now! I can finally rest in peace!"

Oi!

A kiss was all it took?!

A kiss from a stranger was all it took for the most devout follower of a disappearing goddess to ascend and reject her beliefs, that's it?!

 ** _The next day…_**

 **Hasegawa.**

"Hey, hey, Hasegawa-san, Sugita-san! With the money we earned from the quest yesterday, we should be able to have a drink together, just the three of us! What do you think?"

Since we got back to Axel late at night, the three of us decided to report to the guild the next morning.

After splitting the reward, we sat together on a bench at the park, my usual residence, to discuss on what to do with the money.

"Yeah~~ let's have a drink. Can you imagine not being able to sleep after being kissed by a dead person?! I got nightmares because of that, you know!"

It seems like Gin-san needed the booze the most. After all, he just stole a ghost's first kiss.

"Okay then, why don't we have a drink at Snack Otose? I heard there's a ghost of an old woman screaming about rents residing there and I want to let her pass on!"

Aqua-san cheerfully suggested.

"If you're talking about that old hag, don't do it. She may look like a corpse, but she's still kicking, you know!"

Eh? So the ghost she was referring to was Granny?

"Speaking of ghost, aren't you gonna do something about this?"

"Darling~~, stop telling Aqua-sama what to do and just focus yourself to me, okay~~?"

Gin-san jumped and tried to move away from the seductive spectre.

"No way, now that she sees me as a more fitting goddess than her old one, I'll let her stay."

I should explain.

The spectre Lucy didn't actually pass on.

She found a new purpose to stay in this world, and that is to have her chastity taken by Gin-san.

Of course it would be impossible, the incompatibility is just too high.

We still finished the quest though. Since technically, she doesn't haunt the church ruins anymore.

"Somebody get her off me! I don't want another stalker, one is enough!"

"So you admit that I'm the only one for you, Gin-san?!"

Suddenly, Sarutobi Ayame, shouted as she hung upside-down from the tree nearby.

"SHUT UP! LIVING OR DEAD, I DON'T WANT A STALKER!"

Aqua-san and I watched as Gin-san ran away while being chased by a ghost and a ninja.

"Aqua-san, I just want to say something."

"What is it?"

I took the cigarette from my mouth and exhaled smoke as I look into the sky.

"This is a good day for a drink."

 **-Chapter 6 Part 2 End-**

 **Chapter 7 Preview:**

 ** _Next Chapter…_**

 **Kazuma:** A magical girl?

 **Aqua:** That's right. Recently, there are rumors about a magical girl appearing every time there's trouble in the city.

… ** _will be…_**

 **Darkness:** People who saw her describes her as a happy-go-lucky girl clad in crimson.

 **Gintoki:** So our job now is to find out her identity? What a pain!

 **Hijikata:** That's not for you to complain! And why are we asking for your help just to capture a vigilante?!

… ** _our first true arc…_**

 **Shinpachi:** W-Who are you?

I am-!

 **Next Time!**

 **Kaleid Liner Prisma Crimson! Arc Part 1: Don't Pick Up Strange Things You Found on the Ground!**

 _Zelretch makes an appearance once again with a sour mood! What could go wrong! Also, as a celebration (or mourning) for breaking the 8_ _th_ _place curse in the popularity polls, our beloved Pattsuan will be the main character for this arc! He will not be the mysterious Magical Girl though!_


	8. Extra Chapter 1

**Short Story 01 – Figuring Out What's Missing in this Wonderful World!**

 **Kazuma.**

"Something's missing."

I said to Darkness who was reading a book beside me.

"What do you mean by that, Kazuma?"

She asked as she closed the book on her hands.

"Don't you find it strange? It feels like there's something that's off ever since Gintoki and the others came here, but I just can't point what it was."

"I agree. We got four new residents in this house but it feels like there's a missing piece in the puzzle."

Now that I thought about it, Aqua and Megumin were also looking for something but I always forgot to ask them regarding the matter.

What was it I wonder?

"Gin-chan, Sadaharu still won't eat. He also hadn't pooped yet ever since we arrived in this country-aru."

Behind the couch where Darkness and I were sitting, Kagura sat beside her humungous dog who seem to be staring at its untouched food.

"He's probably just in heat. Just find him a bitch to bang and he'll be fine afterwards."

The fellow NEET who's sitting in his chair while reading Jump said as he scratched his silver-haired head.

And then all of a sudden, the blockhead crusader jumped towards Sadaharu.

"Sadaharu-dono! C-c-c-c-c-c-c-can I be that b-b-b-bitch! Will you pin me down with your large heavy paws?! Will you latch into my bare skin with those razor sharp claws as you put your ***** into my *****?! Will you *********** my ******* as you ****** my ******* and ****** me until I *********?!"

"STAY AWAY FROM SADAHARU, PERVERT!"

Kagura punched Darkness before she managed to touch Sadaharu.

It seems that the already perverted Eroness reached a whole new level under the tutelage of Sacchan who I believe is hiding the ceiling right now.

As I watch the two girls with Amazonian strength battle for Sadaharu, I noticed the dog itself going to a corner and circle a small area before making a very familiar crouching position.

"Oi! The dog's about to drop a bomb here! Get him out of here!"

I jumped from the couch and went straight to Sadaharu.

Gintoki went ahead of me carrying a leash which he attached to the dog's collar and used it to drag him outside.

"Hrghnn! Sadaharu, where are your manners?! A dog's toilet is anywhere but inside the house!"

Gintoki said as he desperately tried to pull the dog's leash.

"It's no use! Let's find a newspaper to catch the poop instead!"

Seeing that Sadaharu won't budge, I decided to suggest Plan B.

I looked around to see if there's a newspaper or anything similar in the house.

"Darkness, have you found anything yet?"

There was no response.

"Darkness?"

I don't know if it's instincts or something else, but for some reason, I turned my head towards the dog's direction.

"Sadaharu-dono! I shall be the replacement for newspaper! Now, release all of your warm manure and humiliate me in front of everybody~! Aaaah~!"

Darkness is lying on the floor where the landing spot of Sadaharu's poop will be.

"Zuma! We could use this-aru!"

Kagura threw something at me that looks like a poster roll.

Wait, this is a poster roll.

I opened it and realized that this is an exclusive poster of Terakado Otsuu, Shinpachi's idol.

If we use this, the glasses will definitely go berserk.

We'll have to worry for it later.

By the way, is the poop so big it's stuck in the dog's ass? It's almost a minute and not a single dropping yet.

Kagura dragged the perverted crusader away as I placed the poster in the landing spot.

As if on cue, large amount of dog manure burst out from Sadaharu's ass.

Thankfully, the poster was large enough for the humungous poop.

All of us sighed in relief now that we got out of this _shitty_ situation.

Just then, the door swung open and a goddess with a foul mood came in.

"That Lich! I had her take care of Emperor Zell for me and she lost him! She's even lying, saying that I already took him before I went to Alcanretia!"

As Aqua continues to rant about her missing "child", I noticed a movement underneath the pile of manure.

I see. So that's what was missing since the people from Edo got here.

"Aqua, I think I know where Emperor Zell is."

"Really? Where is my child, Kazuma?"

I pointed my finger to the poop with a wry smile.

Aside from the poop, a yellow chick and a black cat coughed small bits of manure from their mouths as the try to catch their breath.

The thing that was missing was our very own mascots, Emperor Zell and Chomusuke.

"Emperor Zell!"

As Aqua reaches to her 'dragon', the rest of us ran away from the house to escape the wrath of an angry goddess.

 **-Short Story 01 End-**

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry if the chapter was short. The real chapter will be coming soon!**

 _ **(Shinpachi) Did you just changed the fanfic's title?**_

 _ **(Datu Kula) No I didn't!**_


	9. Chapter 7

**Prologue**

 _In a seemingly empty room, Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg sits at the center as he observes one of the planets revolving at the walls._

 _Unlike the other planets, this one is small and seemingly incomplete._

 _From its surface, numerous veins sprout up, picking up pieces of floating rocks surrounding it, and putting it in its rightful place as a part of the planet._

 _It was the planet where the Land of the Samurai once stood._

 _While the Earth's Atlanta repairs the planet by itself, its residents reside in a fantasy world._

" _Looks like it's progressing very well, Zelretch-sama."_

 _A white light flashed behind the Wizard Marshall and revealed the goddess Eris wearing a pure smile._

" _What are you doing here, Eris? Are the council not satisfied with the progress so far?"_

 _The Goddess of Luck sighed._

" _It seems so, Zelretch-sama. They need to know who or what destroyed the planet as soon as possible."_

" _So far, I have only bits of clues but it still too early for conclusions."_

 _The Dead Apostle Ancestor observes another planet in the meantime._

" _Hm?"_

" _Is there something wrong, Zelretch-sama?"_

 _A wide grin appeared on Zelretch's face._

" _I see. This may be a solution to my problem."_

" _Have you found a clue, Zelretch-sama?"_

 _Eris tilted her head in wonder._

" _Oh no, I haven't. I just found a way to ease my boredom, that's all."_

 _There is a grim look on Eris' face._

 _As a goddess, she is aware of Zelretch's habit of interfering with several parallel worlds due to his boredom, which usually gives birth to a new fanfic in this website from time to time._

" _Z-Zelretch-sama, you're not planning anything, are you?"_

 _Ignoring Eris, a wand with a shade of crimson appeared on the sorcerer's hand as he stares at a young adventurer walking at the streets of Axel._

" _Well_ ** _Crimson_** _, your sisters Ruby and Sapphire are busy in another world right now. Would you like to entertain me for a while?"_

 _The Wizard Marshall spoke to the wand as it disappears from his hand and appears in front of the walking adventurer._

 _Knowing that she can't do anything about this matter, the goddess Eris let out a sigh._

" _This is not going to end well…"_

 **Chapter 7: Kaleid Liner Prisma Crimson! Arc Part 1 – Don't** **Pick Up Strange Things You Found on the Ground!**

 **Shinpachi.**

"Is it enough, Otose-san?"

I asked the old lady at the counter as she count the cash I handed her.

I am at Axel's Kabuki district, which was recently built to accommodate the ones from Edo.

Using the _Gate of Babylo—I mean—Edo_ , the residents of Edo managed to recreate the town we know.

This means that Otose-san's snack bar and our Yorozuya home were also included as well.

But since Otose-san did not permit us to move back until Gin-san pays all of his rent back in Edo, we are still living at Satou-san's place.

Right now, I just came by to pay two months' worth of rent.

"This will do for now. At least you're working hard unlike others who are just useless in these kinds of stuff."

The store owner said as she hid the money inside her sleeve pocket.

"Now, now, Otose-san. He may still be gambling and drinking, but Gin-san still save some money for the rent. In fact, most of the money I gave you was from him."

"Shinpachi-sama, she wasn't talking about Gintoki-sama. She's talking about _her_."

Tama-san, Snack Otose's robot maid, joined our conversation and pointed at the door.

As if on cue, the door opens and an middle-aged woman with cat ears crawled in, covered in slime.

It was Otose-san's assistant, Catherine-san.

"You see, this idiot chose the 'Thief' class and learned the _Steal_ skill to take some of my money, so I had Tama throw her outside of the town to have her be eaten by toads."

The old shopkeeper explained.

"Ya stupid ol' woman! Feedin' me ta those toads!? It's a good thing someone saved me or else I woulda' died there!"

Catherine-san got up and tried to attack Otose-san in rage.

"Get off me, you worthless cat monster! What sane person would rescue someone like you anyway?!"

Otose-san said as she struggles from Catherine-san's assault.

"Who'dya callin' worthless, stupid ol' hag?! It's a magical girl! A magical girl saved me!"

Wait, a magical girl?

"Hey, Catherine-san. What do you mean by magical girl?"

I ask the cat-eared middle-aged woman.

 **Kazuma.**

"Wait, can you make it clear? A magical girl? In this already weird world?"

I asked the brown haired policeman sitting before us.

"That's what the witnesses said. Anyway, China. Did you make this? It tastes crap."

Okita Sougo answered and commented on the cup of tea Kagura prepared.

"What was that?! Why do you even have a screen time this time-aru?!"

Kagura pounced on the policeman and tries to rip his hair.

"Well, it was the combination of the recent Scabbard Arc and Datu Kula rolling for my F/GO counterpart during the GUDAGUDA event."

"Oi, you two. Stop fighting or you'll ruin the mansion. Anyway, is there really some kind of magical girl appearing in this city?"

Gintoki said as he scratched his nose.

"That's right. Recently, there are rumors about a magical girl appearing every time there's trouble in the city."

Aqua, who just came from the bathroom to wash Emperor Zell, joined the discussion.

"So, what's the reason you came here? Surely, you didn't come here just to give us a news flash."

The silver-haired samurai asked the policeman.

"Well, Gintoki-san. Since people who saw her describes her as a happy-go-lucky girl clad in crimson, is it possible that you're suspecting Megumin and Kagura to be her?"

Darkness asked while putting down her book on the table.

"That is correct. Anyway boss, since it'll be a pain to go back empty handed, I'll be taking China with me."

Okita heads to the front door along with Kagura with her hands cuffed.

"OI! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING-ARU?! I KNEW IT, YOU'RE STILL MAD AT ME JUST BECAUSE YOU WERE ABSENT AT THAT TIME!"

That time?

Kagura resisted her sworn enemy's restraints and both were having a kind of a tug-of-war.

As I watch the two fought each other, a familiar black cat rubbed its head against my leg.

"Looks like you're clean at last, Chomusuke."

I picked up the small creature and looked it in the eyes.

"By the way, I haven't seen Megumin today."

 **Shinpachi.**

"A magical girl, huh? I wonder who she is?"

I asked to myself as I walk the streets of Axel while staring at the orange sky.

"Um… Shinpachi-san?"

"Hm…?"

I looked behind me after hearing a familiar voice calling out to me.

Before me are two large pairs of jiggly waterme—I mean, a crimson-eyed girl around the same age as our Kagura-chan.

"Y-Yunyun-san! It's nice to meet you!"

I greeted her with the best smile I could muster and tried desperately to look her in the eyes as those _things_ are too distracting!

"Umm… Shinpachi-san? Y-Your face is too close to mine and your s-smile is creeping me out…"

That's when I realize…

I was trying too hard to avoid Yunyun-san's _yunyuns_ by looking her in the eyes that our noses are about to touch!

WHAT AM I DOING!? THE SMILE I MADE JUST NOW WAS MORE SIMILAR TO THAT OF A CREEPY LOLICON THAN THAT OF A NICE GUY!

I head to the nearest electric post and slammed my head to it repeatedly!

"Shinpachi-san, are you alright?!"

CALM DOWN, SHINPACHI! YUNYUN-SAN IS JUST AN INNOCENT GIRL! "DON'T LET HER _JIGGLYP*FFS_ AROUSE YOU JUST BECAUSE HER CLOTHES MADE THEM TOO REVEALING!"

… Ah!...

I said the last sentence out loud.

With a wry smile and a bleeding forehead, I faced the crimson-eyed girl behind me.

She had a look of disbelief after hearing what I just blurted out.

In fact, it's not just her. My voice was too loud that the people around heard what I just said and are looking at me with mixed reactions like shock and disgust.

"I can't believe it, that guy just revealed something about him in public!"

"This guy probably had bad intentions for the poor girl! How creepy!"

I hear some people whispering around us.

I-I MESSED UUUUP! MY COMMENT ABOUT YUNYUN-SAN IS NOW BEING MISINTERPRETED AS A MALEVOLENT INTENT! "WHO MADE HER WEAR THOSE CLOTHES ANYWAY?!"

I SAID IT OUT LOUD AGAIN!

 ** _A few minutes later…_**

"… And that's the story why I'm wearing these kinds of clothes."

Yunyun-san finished her story while hiding her face in embarrassment.

Right now, we are sitting on a bench together at the park while drinking a can of _Coca-Qola_.

She told me the story how Megumin-san and her other classmates tricked her into wearing these clothes saying that it would help her gain friends.

I really want to tell her that that attire would only attract sexually deprived men but I decided to hold my tongue.

"I'm really sorry for earlier, Yunyun-san. I'll try not to embarrass myself again."

I apologized and bowed before her.

"Y-You don't have to apologize, Shinpachi-san. I'm not bothered by these kinds of things anymore since I got used to Kazuma-kun's sexual harassments."

Eh? Satou-san?

Come to think of it, Satou-san made an attempt to harass Megumin-san while she was in Kagura-chan's body.

So that's the reason why Satou Kazuma is infamous around here?

We sat there in silence for a few minutes before I checked my wallet and stood up.

"Shinpachi-san?"

Yunyun-san looked at me in wonder.

I took her hand and headed to the town's shopping district.

"S-Shinpachi-san, where are you taking me?"

"Just come with me, Yunyun-san."

People might say I'm doing this because I'm a single virgin, but I am doing this for this girl.

We stopped in front of a Japanese clothes shop.

"Wait, what are you planning?"

"Yunyun-san, you're a pretty girl and with that body of yours and clothes you're wearing, malicious men might take advantage of you."

"Shinpachi-san…"

"That is why…"

I turned around to face her.

"I WANT YOU TO CHOOSE BETWEEN OTSU-CHAN'S IDOL OUTFIT, THE GKB48 OUTFIT, AND BRAVE ELIZABETH BARTHORY OUTFIT AS YOUR NEW SIGNATURE OUTFIT!"

With the outfits on my hands, I proudly presented her the Edo's Top 3 Idol outfits for her to wear for the rest of this fanfic.

"In the end, you're also a malicious guy taking advantage of me!"

Yunyun-san ran away as fast as she could.

…Ah…

… I messed up again…

 **Kazuma.**

"I see, so you guys haven't saw the suspect since yesterday? Well, that settles it. China is the culprit so I'll arrest her. Is that okay, Bos-."

 _-Blam!-_

A loud sound was heard as the First Division Captain of the Shinsengumi was slammed into the ground by his captive.

"Oi, Kagura. Stop it. Instead of being arrested for being the magical girl, you're going to be arrested for public disturbance instead."

Gintoki said as he pats the girl's shoulders to calm her down.

Right now we are heading to the guild to find out more about this "mysterious magical girl".

"Anyway, Boss. Before we head to the guild, I need to retrieve some trash along the way."

Okita said as he gets up from the ground and looked at us with a plain expression on his face.

"Trash?"

Gintoki asked.

The brown haired policeman then pointed his finger to a strange object lying on the road up ahead.

Wait, that 'object' looks familiar.

Come to think of it, wasn't this the same road Megumin and I took that night when we were confronted by these guys?

And that's when I realize that the object was actually a man lying face down on the ground bounded in chains.

"Okita-kun, that's not trash. It's a trash bag."

Gintoki crouched down and insulted the man lying on the ground.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A TRASH BAG, YOU BASTARDS!?"

The chained man, Hijikata Toshirou, questioned the comments of the two before him.

"ALSO, I'VE BEEN LYING HERE SINCE CHAPTER 2, SO HOW WAS IT POSSIBLE THAT NO ONE PASSED IN THIS ROAD EVER SINCE?!"

Hijikata asked the obvious question.

"Oh, that? I set barricades to prevent people from passing by this road. Anyway, Hijikata-san. You must be hungry."

Okita revealed the truth with a malevolent smile and placed a mayonnaise bottle in front of Hijikata.

Hijikata grits his teeth and veins are starting to show on his forehead.

"Oi, oi, Okita-kun. That's too mean to do that to him."

Gintoki said.

Then, he picked up the mayonnaise bottle and spilled all of its contents in front of Hijikata, who now has a shocked look on his face.

"His hands are bound, so he can't open the bottle by himself."

Gintoki added.

"I see. But Boss, you just simply spilled the mayonnaise on the ground, you should've at least placed it in a feeding bowl."

Okita remarked.

"YOU GODDAMN SADISTS, YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS! MAYONNAISE IS A SACRED AND ALMIGHTY ITEM THAT SHOULDN'T BE DESECRATED THAT WAY! ONCE I GET OUT OF THIS CHAINS, I'M GOING TO HUNT BOTH OF YOU DOWN!"

The man with the v-shaped bangs angrily said to the two who just looks down on him.

"Really? Could you really take us on? You look like someone who's in an SM play and haven't eaten for days, Hijikata-kun~~."

Gintoki said while patting the policeman's head like an animal trainer petting a rabid dog.

I almost forgot that these guys hated each other's gut. So seeing the other in such a state would bring joy to the sadistic NEET samurai.

"I SWEAR ONCE I GET OUT OF HERE, I WILL FIND A WAY TO CURSE YOUR FAMILIES FOR SEVEN GENERATIONS, YOU BASTARDS!"

Hijikata said while trying his best to free himself from the chains.

"Well, I have no plans to get married, anyway. What about you, Boss?"

The brown-haired policeman scratched the back of his head.

"I don't get laid anyway, so I'm cleared. So, what should we do about this one? Should we throw him outside to become a meal for Giant Toads, or should we impose a neglect play?"

"Boss, I heard from sources that the magical girl most often saves people eaten by those frogs. Maybe we can use him as a bait."

"I don't know, Okita-kun. Animal rights activists would find it inhumane to feed a toad with dog poop just to find a cosplayer."

Gintoki picks up a small stick and pokes Hijikata's forehead with it.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A DOG POOP?! I REALLY AM GOING TO KILL YOU TWO ONCE I GET OUT OF THESE CHAINS!"

 ** _A few insults and retorts later…_**

"OKAY, I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! YES, I'M A TRASH, A TRASH BAG, AND A DOG POOP! JUST SET ME FREE! SOUGO!"

The black-haired policeman is chained while hanging on a pole.

At a far distance, a green Giant Toad approaches its targeted meal for today.

"Don't worry, Hijikata-san. I'm sure the magical girl will save you. If she really exists, that is."

"WHAT MAGICAL GIRL?! YOU JUST WANT TO WATCH ME GET EATEN BY THESE FROGS!"

Hijikata then noticed my presence and recognized me in an instant.

"Hey! You're that kid who took my strength! Help me here right now and I'll forgive you for what you did earlier!"

With such an offer, there's only one answer I could give this guy.

"I refuse."

"Eh?"

The Vice-Chief looked at me with a dumbfounded expression.

"Hey Aqua, I'm just curious. Didn't you said before that mayonnaise will sustain a frog for one whole year?"

"I said that? I must be drunk at that time."

"YOU BASTARD! YOU OBVIOUSLY MADE THAT UP! THERE'S NO WAY FROGS WOULD BE SUSTAINED BY A BOTTLE OF MAYONNAISE!"

Answering Hijikata's retorts, I said, "Oh, not a bottle of mayonnaise, but a human whose meat would probably be one."

"WHAT DO YOU THINK AM I, A MAYONNAISE GLOB MONSTER OR SOMETHING?!"

"Yes."

"SO YOU'RE JUST ONE OF THOSE SADISTIC GUYS- WOAAHH! IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE!"

That's when we realized that the Giant Toad has reached its target and is about to open its large mouth to feed on the mayo-loving police.

"OI, SOUGO! HELP ME! AH! CHINA, HELP ME!"

"Don't worry, Toshi~! Just kill it from the inside-aru!"

"THERE'S NO WAY I COULD DO THAT! I'M STILL TIED UP!"

"That's not a problem! Just wait for the chains to melt from the gastric juice then you can kill it after that-aru!"

"I'LL MELT BEFORE THESE CHAINS DO!"

As Hijikata was being devoured by the Toad, Kagura kept giving him encouraging advices that ironically discourages him that he would survive this encounter.

Just as he was about to be eaten, a bright beam of light flashed before us.

I open my eyes to find a burned carcass of the toad and the Demonic Vice-Chief lying beside it.

"Wh-What happened?"

Darkness said as she helps Aqua stand up.

"Oi, what's that over there-aru?"

All of us looked at the direction Kagura pointed to.

On the top of a small hill a person wearing an odd pink outfit similar to that of a magical girl stood proudly and made a familiar flashy pose.

"Never fear, for I have arrived! I, the savior of those in need has come to your rescue!"

She's real! The magical girl's real!

I tried to use [Farsight] to see her face but the smoke from her attack prevents me from doing so.

"My name is…"

Before the mysterious person before us declared her name, I could see that she turned her attention towards the town.

"My apologies, there is another person who needs my help. We will meet again, my darlings~~!"

She assures us as she jumped really high towards the city and disappeared.

Silence befalls on us who were left alone with a dead frog and an unconscious Vice-Chief with afro-style hair.

Anyway, was it just me, or was the magical girl sounded familiar?

 **Shinpachi.**

I messed up again!

I have to apologize to Yunyun-san!

Anyway, why is this part of the town too quiet?

I followed Yunyun-san here but she suddenly disappeared.

As I was wondering where she could have gone to, five large muscular men blocked my path and surrounded me.

 _(cue electric guitar music)_

They have large swords on their backs and have Mohawk hairstyles.

Some of them even carry baseball bats wrapped in barbed wires, pocket knives, and all of them wear leather vests that make them look like a biker gang.

Wait…

THEY ARE A BIKER GANG!

 _I AM SHOCK!_

Basically, they look like they were straight from F*st of the N*rth Star.

 _Woaaahhh~~ Woahhh~ Woahh~! I AM SHOCK!_

This is bad! This is bad! Satou-san told me of bandits who runs away from masochists near the frontlines, but he never told me about gangsters lurking in the city! AND WHY IS THAT SOUNDTRACK PLAYING?!

 _(electric guitar music continues playing)_

While I was trying to hold myself not to panic, the largest of them, most probably their leader, stepped forward to face me.

"What do we have here? So, you must be one those Japanese bastards who hogged all the quests in the guild which left us penniless, right?"

"He should be enough, aniki!"

Now I know why Satou-san never told me about it, he didn't know about their existence. And the reason why is because they were actually adventurers who got their jobs taken by us who just came to their world.

This is bad. Everyone here is giving me a mean glare.

I have to think of an excuse to get out of here.

"Ah, is that so… W-well, we didn't m-mean to do s-such a thing! Um… I forgot something… I'll just go and get it…"

As I turned around to retreat, a large hand heavily pressed my shoulder.

 _(electric guitar music replays)_

"Where do you think you're going, little boy?"

 _I AM SHOCK!_

He asked as he tighten his grip on my shoulder.

IT HURTS! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL ME?!

Hold on…

Yunyun-san went in this direction and disappeared.

I followed her and was greeted by these guys.

It couldn't be…

"Can I ask you a question…?"

"Hm? What is it?"

Their leader asked.

"Before I came here, was there a teenage girl with black hair and red eyes who passed through here?"

I braced myself for their reply.

'We * and killed her.' 'Oh, that girl? We sold her to that fat noble from the capital.' 'So are you her boyfriend? Well, we took her first time for you.

Words like this ran through my head.

Just by looking at these guys, one of these are going to be their answer.

I turned my head to face them.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER, YOU BASTARDS?!"

Letting my anger get ahead of me, I asked the gangsters with great fury.

"What are you talking about, kid?! We didn't even give you an answer and you already have dirty things in your mind! Look, your nose is bleeding! Just what kind of dreams did you asked for the succubi to think of such things?!"

Instead of answering me, they tried to change the subject so I took some Eris from my wallet and opened the silver portal leading to my personal belongings that I lost when Edo was destroyed.

" _Gate of Babylo—I mean—Edo.]"_

The money was absorbed by the portal and in its place was my favorite shinai from our dojo.

"If you're not gonna tell me who * her in the * and who in the * and the one who gave her a * and a * right now, I have no choice but to force it out of you guys!"

"I'm telling you, we didn't do anything! And what's up with that very detailed description? Alright, we saw her! She's right there battling off that wo-!"

 _Bang!_

Something behind the biker gang passed right through us as fast as a rocket and crashed behind me.

I turned around and found Yunyun-san lying on the ground with her clothes in tatters.

Seeing the scene before me, I glared at the gang.

"W-We didn't do it! It was _her_! _Her_! We asked for this girl's help to defeat _her_ , but when we saw her struggling, we asked for your help."

The leader gave his excuse.

"And why should I believe you, huh?"

I narrowed my eyes and prepared myself to fight them.

"Because in some way, they are telling the truth, Shin-chan."

A familiar voice answered my questions.

The gangsters turned around and stiffened as they saw the figure behind them.

"I-It's her! It's her!"

"Aniki, what should we do?!"

"R-Run!"

And just like that, the biker gang ran away from the scene.

I understand now why they are scared.

Because the demon, my very own sister, is the one standing in the alley.

"A-Aneue… What did you do to them…?"

"Oh, I just found them so I decided to use them to lure her out."

She took a step forward and headed towards me while making her signature smile with her eyes closed.

"What do you mean by that, Aneue?!"

As I asked her a question, Yunyun-san struggles to speak but said to me,

"Shinpachi-san… she's not your sister anymore…"

Eh? What did she say?

"Fufufu… As expected of someone like you… You are worthy of my praise…"

Then, Aneue opened her eyes and looked menacingly at Yunyun-san.

"…Magical Girl Kaleid Crimson…"

Wait, what did she say?

Aneue laughs and started glowing purple.

"But… Can you match our power?"

Beside her, three purple figures appeared before us.

"Shin-chan, the person behind you is our enemy. It's best if you step aside."

The other figures started to take shape.

Is it just me, or their costumes are somewhat familiar. Each one of them had an assigned colors.

"Let me introduce my crew…"

One of the figures stepped forward.

This time, I could see who it was.

"My orders are absolute. With my Em*ror Eye, I command you to give me your d*ck to make me a man. Seeking the Destruction of Manhood! **VacuuBlue**! Kyuubei!"

Another one stepped forward.

"B-Business transactions should a-always come before a fight… Am I doing this right? A-Anyway, Courtesan of D-Death, **VacuuBlack** , Tsukuyo."

The last of the three figures stepped forward.

Huh? Is it just me or is the third figure has a ghost attached to her?

"PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!"

"AND MAKE IT DOUBLE!"

"TO PROTECT GIN-SAN FROM CABARET BITCHES AND YOSHIWARA SKANKS!"

"TO UNITE TO BECOME OUR DARLING'S MA*TION!"

"SACCHAN!"

"LUCY THE SPECTRE"

" **VACUUVIOLET**! TEAM STALKER! CHASING GIN-SAN'S * WITH THE SPEED OF LIGHT!"

"SURRENDER DARLING TO US OR PREPARE TO DIE!"

Lastly, Aneue stepped forward.

"Don't worry, as long as I am here, no one's going to be in heat, Shin-chan. Because even if it's the eggs of a gorilla stalker or a gorilla author or a gorilla author wannabe writing this fanfic, it will be crushed with these hands of mine that are burning red. Speaking of eggs, would you like to try some of my omelets? I improved a bit. By the way, Dark Matter Witch, **VacuuPink** ,OTAE, is my name!"

All four of them made some flashy poses not different to Megumin-san's.

""We are the **_Four Whores of the Apocalypse_**! Also called **_Diamond_** _Heavenly Bitches_ , _Generation of_ ** _Perfume_** , **_Diamond Sentai: Vacuumger_** or just **_Diamond Perfume_**!""

THAT'S TOO LONG FOR AN INTRODUCTION! AND WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING?!

YUNYUN-SAN IS THE MAGICAL GIRL?! ANEUE, KYUUBEI-SAN, SACCHAN-SAN (with LUCY-SAN) AND TSUKUYO-SAN ARE A SENTAI GROUP NOW?!

THESE REVELATIONS ARE TOO RANDOM, ANEUE!

"Sh-Shinpachi-san, run. These guys are dangerous!"

"Yunyun-san!"

Even with her injuries, she tried her best to go between me and those idiots.

I still can't believe it. Yunyun-san is the magical girl everyone's talking about.

Come to think of it, I met her near Otose-san's place, where Catherine-san just arrived to after she was rescued. Was she making sure that the one she rescued gets home safely?

Right now, she's sacrificing herself for my own safety.

"I'm staying, Yunyun-san!"

"Shinpachi-san, you can't! These guys-!"

"—are just my sister, a celebrity samurai, a ninja, a ghost, and a town guard. I can beat them as well!"

Gripping my sword, I stepped forward and went into a defensive stance.

"Ara, Shin-chan. You're ready to oppose your own sister just to protect our sworn enemy?"

"Yunyun-san didn't do anything wrong, Aneue! She just saves people in need! Anyway, what happened to you guys?!"

I defended Yunyun-san and readied myself for anything.

"Tae-chan, before we defeat _Kaleid Chin*o_ , we should explain everything to Shinpachi-kun."

Kyuubei-san said as she pats Aneue's shoulder.

Anyway, it's _Crimson_ , not _Chin*o_ , Kyuubei-san.

"Here's what happened, Shinpachi-kun. The four of us discovered a few weeks ago that there's another feature of the _[Gate of Babylo—I mean—Edo]_ skill."

"Another feature?"

"That's right! If you sell a number of specific objects to the gate, you will be able to acquire a new special skill called _Goo*le Phantasm_."

Um… Goo*le Phantasm? That sounds really familiar.

" _Goo*le Phantasm_ , it differs from one Japanese to another, it is basically a symbol of their life."

"THAT'S BASICALLY A NOB*E PHANTASM! SERIOUSLY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE AUTHOR? IS HE REALLY THAT ADDICTED TO T*PE-MOON STUFF THAT THERE'S A REFERENCE IN EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER?!"

As I was retorting, Yunyun-san dragged me to the side.

I noticed that there were lots of spears pierced where we were standing just a second ago.

"That's enough explanation for now, Kyuu-chan. After all, we need to defeat that girl under the orders of **VacuuRed**."

I can't move.

Not just because of Aneue's murderous intent showing, but also because of the large object floating behind her.

For some reason, it reminds me of our dojo back home.

"Shin-chan, let me introduce you the True Name of my Goo*le Phantasm"

Raising her hand, Aneue announces her special attack.

" **[HANGING DOJO OF TENDO MUSHIN RYU]** "

IT IS OUR DOJO!

So when she said she and Kyuubei-san will be staying at home, she literally meant our actual home back in Edo?!

Wait…

I don't know why, but for some reason, I could see the description of the ability.

 ** _[HANGING DOJO OF TENDO MUSHIN RYU, SHIMURA TAE'S GOO*LE PHANTASM. BY OBTAINING (EXTORTING) MONEY FROM HER CUSTOMERS AT THE GUILD HOUSE BACK IN CHAPTER 3 BY GIVING ALCOHOL TO A CERTAIN DRUNKAD, SHE WAS ABLE TO BUY THE SAME MATERIALS THAT MAKE UP THE SHIMURA FAMILY DOJO AND USED THE_** **GATE** ** _TO BUY THE BUILDING WHICH BECAME HER GOO*LE PHANTASM.]_**

HOLD ON! THE RIOT BACK THEN WAS YOUR OWN DOING?!

 ** _[SINCE IT IS NOT THE ACTUAL DOJO BUT A SYMBOL OF HER LIFE, THE TENDO MUSHIN RYU MANIFESTED AS A FLOATING FORTRESS WITH THE ANTI-STALKER MODE ACTIVATED AND THE_** **S.O.L.** ** _(STALKER OBLITERATING LASER) AT ITS BOTTOM.]_**

WHY IS IT THE SYMBOL OF HER LIFE WHEN SHE'S MOSTLY A CABARET GIRL FOR THE MOST OF THE SERIES!?

AT LEAST HAVE THAT STALKER OF HERS BE PART OF HER GOO*LE PHANTASM SINCE IT'S ALSO A SYMBOL OF HER LIFE!

 ** _[ALSO, SOMEWHERE IN THE FORTRESS, AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL (GORILLA) IS LIKELY TO BE GUARDING (STALKING) SHIMURA TAE]_**

I SPOKE TOO SOON!

THERE HE IS! THE GORILLA STALKER IS INSIDE THE DOJO HIDING!

 ** _[SINCE HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY USE OTHER THAN STALKING, HE IS THE ONE SUPPLYING THE MANA FOR THE FORTRESS INSTEAD OF OTAE]_**

KONDO-SAN!

ANEUE, WHY ARE YOU USING HIM AS A MANA BATTERY!?

 ** _[ALSO, SINCE SOME PARTS OF THE DOJO WAS BEING USED AS SNACK BY THE GORILLA WHENEVER HE FORGOT TO BRING FOOD WHILE STALKING-]_**

WHY ARE YOU EATING PARTS OF OUR HOUSE?!

 ** _[-AND SINCE THIS FLOATING FORTRESS IS SHIMURA TAE'S CREATION-]_**

Hold on! Are we not gonna discuss that a gorilla was eating floorboards and tatami mats?!

 ** _[-IT CAN ALSO BE CONSIDERED A DARK MATTER.]_**

Suddenly, the dojo became black and was emitting an unexplainable dark aura.

JUST BECAUSE A GORILLA CONSIDERS IT AN OPTIONAL FOOD, DOESN'T MEAN IT APPLIES AS SOMETHING ANEUE COULD TURN INTO DARK MATTER!

"Shinpachi-san, we need to escape!"

"But, Yunyun-san! Aneue is-!"

"Ara, you're running away? I'm sorry Shin-chan, but I'm not going to let anyone get away, not even you."

Aneue raises her hand as the S.O.L. at the bottom of the dojo aimed its barrel at us.

"Gyaaaoharhhgha~~!"

As the cannon starts to charge, Kondo-san starts to cough blood and tried to get free.

HAVE MERCY ON HIM, ANEUE!

"NOW, KONDO-SAN! OBLITERATE THE MAGICAL GIRL AND HER TUXEDO MASK!"

OI! THE TUXEDO MASK IS YOUR OWN BROTHER, ANEUE!

"FIRE!"

AHHHHH! WE'RE GONNA DIE!

Yunyun-san and I both ducked and covered our heads as I feel the approaching beam.

… Huh?...

I'm… still alive?

Yunyun-san and I exchange glances and looked behind us.

T-The cannon is destroyed.

"H-How did this happen?"

Aneue and the others are surprised as well.

"Stop right there, Diamond Sentai: Vacuumger!"

A voice came from the top of the building beside us.

"That voice… It can't be!"

Kyuubei-san said as she takes out her katana and prepared herself.

A figure jumped from the building and landed safely before us.

"So… It is you…"

Aneue said while keeping her usual evil smile.

The figure before us wears a crimson dress similar to a magical girl's outfit.

Wait… Magical Girl?

"Are you alright?"

The person said to me in a merry tone.

"Wh-Who are you?"

I asked.

Making a flashy pose before us, _he_ answered,

"Magical Girl Kaleid Crimson Prisma Dust! Never forget that!"

The teenaged blonde man in a magical girl outfit winked as he announced his name.

IT WAS YOU?!

 **-Chapter 7: Kaleid Liner Prisma Crimson Arc Part 1 End-**

 **Chapter 8 Preview:**

 **Shinpachi.**

WHY IS THE MAGICAL GIRL A MAGICAL TRAP?!

 **Gintoki.**

It's obviously Ast*lfo's fault!

 **Shinpachi.**

Ast*lfo did nothing wrong!

 **Next Time!**

 **Kaleid Liner Prisma Crimson! Arc Part 2: Blasting this Accursed Sentai Group with a Magical Trap Beam!**

 _Wow, a long time since the last update! I told you Shinpachi's not the magical girl! Hopefully part 2 will not take long! That's all, fol-… Wait, what are Zelretch and Eris doing in Kazuma's room back on Earth?_


End file.
